A Man's Ego - A Strange Little Beast

I have to admit this, not that it would surprise anyone but I have been avoiding running into Chris. I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to have to explain to him about Reed and most of all, I didn't want him to try to touch me in any way. Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the guy, I just didn't know how I would feel seeing him and I didn't want to do anything with him that would jeopardized my relationship with Reed.

I told myself that I didn't owe him anything, we weren't really together, even though he did call me his girlfriend a couple times. I wasn't prepared to face him, so when I ran into him on the stairs last night, I froze.

I was walking up the stairs after checking my mail. I was sorting through some fliers so I didn't see him as he opened his door and stood in the hallway to wait for me to get up to him.

"Anything for me?" He asked softly.

"What?" My head snapped up so fast, I got a shooting pain in the back of my neck. I groaned and rubbed the spot.

"Here let me help," he moved faster than I thought he would and soon he was standing behind me, rubbing my neck. "I missed you this past week," he told me. "Where did you go?"

"I took Alexis to see her dad."

"Oh," he applied a little more pressure to my neck and it felt so good, I bit my lip to stop from groaning out loud. "How did it go?"

"It went ok," I told him. "They were both happy to see each other."

"Mmhmm. And how did you feel seeing him again?" Chris stopped rubbing my shoulder and turned me around to face him. "You didn't let me know you were going, you didn't come over and tell me you were alright when you got home. I was worried about you Amber."

"Chris I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

He smiled at me, "I know you can." Then it happened, his arms came around me and he brushed his lips against my cheek. "I'm so glad you are home again, I missed you." He lowered his head, his lips touched mine softly before he kissed me tenderly.

I don't know why but I didn't stop him. In fact, I kissed him back.

But it wasn't the same.

I didn't feel the same way as I did when Reed kissed me.

Something seemed like it was missing.

"Chris," I pulled back from him, he tried to kiss me again but I told him no.

"What's wrong?" He looked so confused.

I pulled out of his arms and grasp my doorknob. "I'm so sorry Chris but I can't do this. I can't see you anymore. Alexis and I are packing up and moving back home."

He stared at me like I had ten heads, "Why?"

"I want to be with Reed," I told him. "I love him."

Chris was silent, he didn't look too happy and I could see his jaw clench. I was a little afraid of what he'd do, I turned the knob in my hand, getting ready in case he reacted violently.

I waited for him to speak, I didn't have to wait too long though. But the words he spoke made my blood run cold.

"Once a whore, I guess..."

He went back into his apartment and slammed his door so hard the windows in the hallway actually rattled in their frames.

I was shocked and so pissed off at what he said, I wanted to bang on his door and tell him to go f*** himself, I wasn't a whore. But I didn't.

Like a coward, I entered my apartment and closed the door.

This morning when I woke up there was a piece of paper sitting just inside my front door.

Amber,

I'm sorry I said what I did last night. I had no right to say it. I wish you all the happiness with Reed but I know he won't make you happy. When you realize this, you know where to find me.

Chris


I stared, unblinkingly at the paper for a good five minutes before I balled it up in my hand and tossed it in the garbage can.