Show Me Your True Colors

When Reed called me not long after I posted yesterday's entry, I wondered what was up. It took him a while but he finally asked when I was supposed to meet with Devon.

"I have to be there for 2," I told him. I wasn't going to lie to him or try to hide it but I was going to make some thing very clear. "I don't want you to be there when I get there either Reed. I don't want to hear that you called or even went to see him either. I need to do this on my own."

"Why can't I be there?" He asked.

"Reed!" I shook my head, "How do you think it will look if you are there with me? Whatever Devon has in mind is for me professionally, not because he knows me through you. I need you to trust me and stay away, can you do that for me?" When he reluctantly agreed, I told him that I would tell him all about it when he got home that night.

"You are going to be there when I get home?" He sounded surprised and hopeful when he asked.

"Yes I'll be here, if figured there's no point in going to my parents' house when I'm only going to be leaving tomorrow to get Janie and all our stuff."

He didn't say much to that, he wished me luck with Devon and told me he'd see me when he got home. "Maybe we'll have some thing to celebrate," he said.

I was so nervous as I got ready for my meeting with Devon. I had no idea what I was supposed to wear or what I should bring with me. I didn't know if I should use his first name when I addressed him. I was about ready to have a breakdown to tell the truth.

I had asked my mother to watch Alexis for me while I was meeting with Devon. I was in the middle of telling her Alexis' schedule when the phone rang. Albert put the call through to me, it was Devon.

"I just wanted to make sure that you are bringing Alexis with you," he told me after I said 'hello'.

"Alexis?" I was confused why he would even want me to bring her with me. "I thought you..." I trailed off because I started to wonder if he was just messing around with me; maybe he's just using you for a good laugh. It would explain why he suddenly is nice to me.

"Yes, Alexis. The little girl who is your shadow most of the time; bring her with you Amber."

I told him ok, I still didn't understand why I needed her but he hung up before I could even ask.

My mother was very disappointed that she wasn't going to get to spend some time alone with Alexis. "Amber dear are you sure you can trust Devon?"

I shrugged, "Reed trusts him; I have to give him a chance."

So I quickly gave Alexis a bath and got her ready for her first business meeting. "Now babies don't get this opportunity Alexis; won't it something to put on that college application in 18 years?"

Even though I made the drive down to the area of Devon's office many times, this time it seemed so much different, like I was travelling down a road that may come to a dead end, or one of those little yellow signs with the arrows pointing off in both directions - a fork in the road, I guess it would be. Maybe that was the sense of fear talking, or maybe I was just trying to convince myself if nothing came from this, it wouldn't be the end. Either way, I was pretty damn nervous.

We arrived about ten minutes early. His secretary didn't believe me when I said I had an appointment to see him, she told me that he just stepped out of the office. "I don't know when he'll be back," she told me as she seemed to look down her nose at me; which was a feat in itself because she was sitting down but still.

"Oh really? Well then let me find out," I grabbed her phone, picking it up I punched in the numbers of his cell as she tried to stop me. "Don't touch me," I told her as I heard Devon's cell ringing - on the phone and in the office. "Well, what do you know?" I smiled at her as Devon answered his cell. "I'm hanging out with your secretary," I told him when he asked where I was. "Apparently you aren't here at the moment," I told him as he opened his door and walked out with his cell phone up to his ear.

The dirty looks I got from his secretary would've been funny if my whole future wasn't resting in Devon's hands. Well, I guess it wasn't but I'm allowed to be over dramatic. Devon asked me to hold on a minute as he asked the dragon lady giving me the evil eye to follow him into his office.

I'm not sure what he said to her but she was all forced smiles and niceness when she came back out. "Now Amber," Devon slipped his suit's jacket on and straightened it. "Let's go for a walk," he said as he turned me towards the door and led me out.

"I thought we were going to have a meeting Devon?" I looked up at him, "Please tell me you aren't wasting my time; that you aren't playing with my dreams here."

At the elevator he turned to me, "Amber I meant what I said; I have an idea that will help you get where you want to be in life. Well not exactly where you want to be but it will help you get your feet wet and decide if this is what you really want to do." The elevator doors opened, "Come on," he slipped his hand on my back and gave me a little nudge in through the doors.

Once inside, I noticed he pressed the button for the second floor, two floors down from where we were. "Where are we going?" He just smiled at me.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, I expected to see another stuffy office and stuck up secretary but the first thing that my eyes focused on was a big giraffe. "Devon...?" I shot him a questioning look but he was busy greeting the woman who came over to us.

"It's about time you visited us again Devon!" The lady engulfed him in a hug, "Are you going to read to the kids today?" She turned to smile at me, "They just love his voices for the characters," she explained.

I raised a brow as I turned my gaze to the blushing Devon.

"Oh Charlie not today," Devon motioned to me. "I brought Amber to see you," once again he slipped his hand to my back and nudged me forward. "Why don't you two talk," he held out his hands and took Alexis from me, "Alexis and I will go say hi to the other children." Before I could stop him, he disappeared beyond the giant giraffe.

I turned to Charlie, I'm sure I looked stupid as I stood there with my jaw scraping the ground while I pointed in the general direction Devon went. The direction from which screaming and yelling of Devon's name came along with choruses of 'Who's the baby Devon?'

"The kids love Devon; he's been coming here at least once a week to read or play with the kids for a while now," Charlie told me as she started to walk in the opposite direction, motioning for me to join her. She led me into an office which had candid shots of kids all over one section of the walls.

"So Devon tells me that you are planning on going to school for Early Childhood Development," Charlie said as she sat down in one of the arm chairs in front of a huge desk made out of giant wooden crayons.

"Yes I am," I told her as I sat down in the chair she motioned too.

"Tell me why you wish to work with children Amber."

I don't know where it came from but I seemed to spill everything to her. I told her about growing up as an only child, being cared for by many different nannies who didn't really care about me. I told her about feeling lonely and wishing I had some where to go to be with people who were just like me, where I could play, make friends and feel like I belonged. "I never found that place. I guess my desire to work with children stems from that, I hate to think of the number of kids who are out there feeling alone." I frowned, the answer sounded stupid to me, I felt that I totally missed the question.

But Charlie nodded, "The little girl that was with you...Alexis? Was that her name?" I nodded. "Devon told me that she is your daughter and you've been raising her by yourself since her birth; how old is she?"

I smiled, "Alexis will be 9 months old on Thursday."

"We don't normally accept children that are under a year old," Charlie told me as she stood up and retrieved a file from her desk.

I frowned, I told Devon was helping me with my career, not finding me a place to stick Alexis! I felt so...disappointed. "I'm sorry," I stood up as Charlie turned around. "I think Devon made a mistake, I'm not looking for a place to care for Alexis. Thank you for your time," I held out my hand to her but she didn't take it.

"Amber please sit down," Charlie sat down again and opened the file she retrieved from the desk, flipping through it. "Now," she looked up at me, waiting for me to sit my butt down before she continued.

"Now," she started again. "Like I said, we don't normally take children Alexis' age but if you decide you want to work with us, we will made an exception."

My jaw dropped.

"You were looking for employment, right?" Charlie closed the file and held it out to me. "Devon came to me and told me that he had a friend who would be great for the position I needed to fill; I had to let one of my girls' go for unprofessional behavior. You are the first person I've spoken to who seems right for the job."

I was shocked to say the least. "I didn't expect this to happen; I thought Devon would give me some ideas and some people to talk too but..." my voice trailed off because I could hear myself rambling.

"How about I tell you a little more about the company and then answer any questions you may have."

I spent about an hour sitting in Charlie's office talking to her about the daycare center and the kids. We went over what I would be paid, the hours and what my responsibilities would be. I left her office with a lot more than I ever hoped. I left there with the first step of my future set in motion.

We made our way to the playroom. "It's awful quiet," Charlie said with a smile.

When we turned the corner I was surprised by what I saw. There were about 20 kids sitting in little chairs mesmerized by the animated man in front of them, telling them a story; giving each character a different voice and mannerisms. Devon had them scared when things were bad and laughing when things were good. When he reached the end of his story, he fell to the floor and laid there on his back, not moving.

And all the kids jumped up from their chairs and rushed over to him. They started to climb over him and tickle him as he came to 'life' grabbing them and tickling them while trying to get to his feet.

He was almost to his feet when he looked up and saw me watching. He quickly straightened up and told the kids he had to get back to work.

A chorus of groans followed him as he picked up Alexis and made his way over to me.

Neither one of us said anything as we walked to the elevator.

He punched the button for the lobby. "How did it go?" He asked, passing me Alexis.

"Great!" I squealed and hugged him. "Thank you so much!" He told me he only set it up, that I did the rest.

Devon managed to walk Alexis and me to the front door of the building before his secretary called to tell him a client was waiting for him.

I thanked him again and this time he gave me a smile, "No problem. That's what friends are for."

I was so excited about the job, I went directly to Reed's office but he was with a client so he wasn't available.

When he got home last night, he barely got in the door before I jumped all over him. "I GOT A JOB!"

"Really?" He picked me up in a bear hug and spun me around. "I'm so happy for you darling! Tell me all about it."

I spent the rest of the night talking about the job and the center and Devon. "Did you know he spent so much time in the center with the kids?" I asked Reed as we were getting ready for bed.

Reed hesitated. He was getting into bed and he stopped in mid motion.

"What?" I went over to him, "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and crawled into bed. "Nothing is wrong. It doesn't surprise me that Devon does that."

"Well it shocked the hell out of me!" I lifted the sheets and slid into bed next to him. "Why do you think he does it?"

"Why don't you tell me more about center? Do you think Alexis will like it there? Are the kids much older than she is?"

"Reed!" I poked him gently in the ribs, "Why doesn't it surprise you?"

He sighed, "It's not really something Devon wants everyone to know. I only know about it because I overheard something I probably shouldn't have a few years back and he told me the story."

"What is it?" I was totally confused, I didn't know why something that happened a few years ago would have anything to do with Devon at the center.

"Don't ever tell him I told you, he'd kill me." I promised him I wouldn't say anything.

Reed took a deep breath, "A couple years ago a couple cops came to talk to Devon, they were questioning him about a case; apparently there was a woman, well actually she wasn't even legal, she was still a kid. Anyway, she was pregnant and claiming that the baby was Devon's. Her parents wanted to file rape charges, because she was underage, against him and demanded he pay child support."

I froze in Reed's arms.

"I overheard Devon denying that the baby was his, he told them that he didn't know the kid they were talking about and there was no way he was the father. They wanted to take a DNA sample and he laughed while he told them to be his guest. He let them have a sample but he told them not to be surprised when it came back with no possible chance in hell that he's the father. They told him he shouldn't be so cocky and he told them they were wasting their time with him, 'I'm infertile. There's no way I can get anyone pregnant.'"

"What?" I stared up at Reed. "How can he say that?"

"He wouldn't go into too many details but I guess it was something they found out when he was younger," Reed shrugged.

"So he can't have children?"

Reed shook his head.

And I suddenly felt something I never did before for Devon.

I felt sorry....

Sorry that he would never know the joy of being a daddy to his own babies.

Alexis and I are at my apartment now.

Tomorrow I'm going to head to U-haul to pick up the trailer that Reed rented for me to move our stuff in.

Janie decided that she's not staying in the apartment; Reed decided he wasn't going to sublet it either. When I went to talk to the landlord about how we would go about getting out of the lease and the penalties involved, there was a couple there inquiring about an apartment.

So in the end they are getting the apartment and the landlord can't charge us anything for breaking the lease because the apartment isn't sitting unrented. So it worked out for everyone.

I took this as a sign that I was doing the right thing, that this move was a good idea. I was actually looking forward to starting over again in my old hometown.

I was actually excited about living with my parents again.

And that's a little scary!