Woulda? Shoulda? Coulda?

The first thing I did he next morning when I got up was call Janie. I wanted to know how she was doing plus I wanted to talk about the house.

"Oh my god!" I said once she told me she was loving the apartment and asked how I was doing. "Reed showed me the house the other night."

"OH!" Janie laughed, "I haven't seen it completed but I saw it while they were building it, I can't believe how lucky you are! Reed was such a stickler for having everything the way you wanted. At one point I thought Devon was going to tell him to put the plans where the sun didn't shine!"

"I can't believe Reed remembered everything, I didn't think he was paying that much attention to me at the time."

Janie chuckled, "Amber he had everything written down! Devon told me one night that if Reed showed him the folder one more time he would strangle him with it."

When Janie mentioned folder, I instantly thought about the file on his computer that had my name on it. I wonder if that's what it was? House stuff? I made a mental note to ask Reed about it when he got home from work.

Janie and I were talking about the house for a while, I told her everything I saw and she told me the arguments the guys got in over the different rooms. "Listen," Janie said suddenly, her voice was low and tone was serious.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, wondering what she was going to say about the house.

"Chris came by last night," She said and I rolled my eyes. "He was surprised to see me here and looked very disappointed that you weren't." Janie sighed, "Amber he wanted me to tell him where you are, or to give him a number he could call."

"Janie, please tell me you didn't do either!"

"No of course I didn't but then he asked if I would tell you he came over. He wants you to call him, he says he needs to tell you something."

"Too bad," I told her. "I'm not interested in anything he has to say."

"What will I tell him if he asks if I told you?"

"Tell him to go jump off a bridge."

"Amber! I'm not telling him that!"

I told her she could tell him whatever she wanted, "I'm not calling him. As far as I'm concerned, if I never see him again, I'll be one very happy girl!"

We hung up not long after that. But even though I told Janie I didn't care what Chris wanted, part of me wondered.

Part of me wonders what it would've been like between us if Reed didn't come back into my life. Would we be happy together? Could he make my dreams come true?

Yesterday, during the afternoon, I went out job hunting again. And once again I found myself at the same sidewalk cafe that I applied at the day before. Alexis and I were at the same table, she was chewing on fries and I was reading the classified again.

And just like the day before, a shadow fell over the newspaper for a split second before I saw Devon sit down in the chair across from me. He didn't bother with a greeting, "So you really liked the house? Everything was the way you pictured it?"

I slowly looked up at him, "Yes Devon the house looks exactly like I dreamt it would." He sat back and smiled. "But wasn't that the idea? Wasn't that what Reed wanted?"

"Of course," Devon leaned in over the table again, "But what he said you wanted and what you really wanted could've been two different things." He shrugged, "I just wanted to make sure it suited your tastes."

"You say that like I'm hard to please Devon," the moment I said that I wanted to take it back.

"I wouldn't know anything about that," he grinned at me. "Looking for employment again?" I nodded and he scooted his chair closer to read some of the ads. "You know," he said after a couple minutes. "I don't really understand why you are doing this."

"You don't have to understand Devon, it has nothing to do with you." I didn't even bother to look up from the newspaper while I said it.

"No, you are right, it doesn't. But," he pulled the paper away from me. "You and I both know that you aren't going to find your dream job by reading the 'help wanted' ads."

"Give me back the paper Devon," I went to grab for it but he moved it away.

"There is nothing in here for the field you want to get into Amber, you are just wasting your time."

I rolled my eyes, "I need to find something Devon."

"Why?" He asked. "Why do you have to work at all? Reed is willing to pay for everything you'll ever need, why do you feel you have to work?"

"Excuse me?" I stared at him, "Aren't you the one who has been harassing me about 'using' Reed? I thought you would be thrilled to hear that your best friend isn't being 'weighted down' by a 'lazy whore' and her 'little brat'!" I jumped up from the table and moved to pull Alexis out of the high chair. "I have to go."

"Wait." Devon grabbed hold of my arm, turning me towards him. "I was just asking a question, I was wondering why you suddenly decided to take control over your life. Believe it or not Amber, my 'harassment' as you like to call it, was never meant to put you down. I never did understand why you were content to live off Reed when you had the huge dream of running your own day care center." When I gasped, he smiled.

"You didn't think I remembered, did you?" He dropped his hand from my arm, "I remember how your eyes lit up when you spoke of the center and all the stuff you wanted to do there. I just wonder when that light went out? When did you stop living?"

He started to walk away but then stopped and looked at me, "I think I can help you, if you are willing to live your dream."

I went home yesterday and all I could think about was his last words but I have no idea what he meant by that.

I want to brush his comments off and forget he said anything.

Although, I was very curious how he thought he could help.

Many times yesterday I went to pick up the phone and call him but I chickened out.

Should I call him? Should I accept help from him? Would accepting Devon's help and not Reed's, be like slapping Reed in the face?

I wanted to talk to Reed last night about it but I didn't know how to bring it up.