Can I Get Some Me Time?

I haven't been in the mood to post in the last couples days; I think Reed passed his pissy mood onto me when he kissed me awake the other morning because damn was I bitchy! I was snapping at Reed for nothing and Alexis was just irritating the hell out of me but she wasn't doing anything bad or wrong, she was just being her normal self.

Finally I told Reed he needed to take Alexis and leave because they were both driving me insane! When he was heading out the door with Alexis, I told him not to come back. I think I scared him because you should've seen the look of utter shock on his face.

"But Amber..."

"No buts," I snapped. "I don't want to see either one of you until tomorrow! I just want to be alone! Why can't I be alone?" I felt like crying at that point, I didn't feel like myself and I hated that.

Both Reed and Alexis stared at me for the longest time. "Ok," he said softly. "Let me just grab some extra diapers and stuff for Alexis and we'll head over to the house." I stepped aside to let him pass.

A few minutes later, he was at my side again. "Ok we are set." He looked a little uncertain and very concerned.

I managed a tiny smile. "You two have fun." I moved closer to him to give Alexis a kiss. "Be good for daddy and I'll see you tomorrow." Alexis gave her dad a confused look, he kissed her forehead.

"It'll be ok Princess," he told her as if he was really trying to reassure himself. Maybe he thought I was completely losing my mind, and maybe I was.

My hand slid up his arm, he glanced at my hand and then at me. "I just need some time alone," I told him again. "Please try and understand."

With a slight nod, he slipped his arm around my waist and held me tight. "Try not to have too much fun without us," he joked before kissing me. "Did you want me to call you tomorrow? Or wait for you to call?"

"I would love it if you called," I told him. "Thank you for doing this honey."

He told me it wasn't a problem, kissed me again and then made his way out the door with Alexis. Once they disappeared from sight, I closed the front door and leaned back against it. I had no plans, I didn't really know why I wanted to be alone and I was starting to think that maybe I should call him to come back but I didn't.

A half hour later, I was in my bathroom. I dropped my robe and in the flickering candle light, I eased my body into the bath that I drew for myself. Laying back with my eyes closed, I started to cry. I had no idea why I was crying; it wasn't the body shaking cries of pain or anguish either, it was a calming cry. I have no idea if that makes sense but that's how it felt.

Then, a few minutes later, the tears stopped coming and I was laughing at how silly it was to cry for no reason.

But the strange thing is, it felt damn good afterwards. I felt damn good. I must've stayed in the bath for a good hour, just sitting there enjoying the silence.

After I got out of the bath and dried off, I went into my room to slip into my pjs but as I went to pull on the pants, I spotted one of Reed's shirts sitting in the laundry basket, folded neatly with the rest of our clothes that I washed earlier. I slipped into his shirt instead and then made my way out to the living room with a romance novel that I bought before I had Alexis but never had a chance to read.

As I read, I lost all contact with the world I was in to travel, with the heroine, all the way to the 'big' city to a conference where all her hopes and dreams were waiting to be realized. I was scared like she was when she realized she wasn't alone in her hotel room and as angry when she realized the hotel screwed up, she would have to share her room with the hunky hero of the book. Ok, maybe I wasn't angry like she was, I was actually thinking it wouldn't be so bad; she was single, he was single! Who wouldn't wish to be in a hotel room with a hot man who made your whole body tremble with one look?

The book was just starting to get interesting - the tension between the two of them as they tried to share the one bed in the room was intense, someone was going to 'break' soon - when the sharp shrill of the telephone beside me scared the bejesus out of me.

"This better be good," I snapped into the phone. "Some one was about to 'get' some!"

"WHAT?!?!" Reed yelled into the phone. I cringed, blushing I told him that I was reading a romance novel and they were about to relieve some tension. "Oh," he didn't seem too impressed. "You kicked us out so you could read some trashy romance novel?"

I sighed. "No, I asked you to take Alexis for the night so I could have some time alone. I relaxed in the bath for a while, slipped into one of your shirts and now I'm relaxing on the couch with a book." I frowned. "Why are you calling? Is there something wrong?"

"No," he told me. "I thought you might like to say good night to Alexis." When I told him I would, he put her on the phone. I told her I loved her, missed her and wished her a good night. "Ok," Reed came back on the phone. "I'm going to go put her to bed," he seemed reluctant to hang up.

"What's wrong Reed?"

After a brief silence, he sighed. "I was just debating if I should ask you something." I told him to go ahead. "Ok, I actually have to questions; which shirt of mine and are you naked underneath?"

I laughed, "Reed!"

"Oh come on darling, I don't get to hold you tonight, at least give me some thing to think about as I lay in my bed, missing you."

"Ok," I grinned. "It's your favorite 'kicking' around shirt and I'm completely naked underneath." I giggled, "The shirt doesn't cover me completely, you would see my naughty bits if you were with me right now."

"You are evil!" He groaned. "But I love you anyway. Good night my love."

"I love you too," I smiled. "Good night Reed."

When I hung up with him, I jumped back into the book.

But sadly I never got to see how it ended. Ten minutes after I started to read again, some one came banging on my door. "Amber please," I jumped when I heard Janie's voice calling out to me. "I need to talk to you, let me in! Amber!"

Dropping the book onto the floor, I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and ran to the door. When I swung it opened, Janie threw herself at me as she sobbed. "Everything is so messed up, I don't know what I'm going to do!"

"Janie what are you talking about? What's wrong?" I stared down at her. "Where the hell have you been? It's been four days since I last heard from you!"

"I know," she sobbed. Releasing me, she kicked off her shoes and ran to curl up on the couch. "Things are so messed up! How did I screw it up this badly?"

"Screw what up? What's messed up?" I closed the door and made my way over to her. "What happened when you left here? Did you leave with Devon?"

She shook her head frantically and then started to bawl all over again. "Yes," she cried. "We went back to my place and we..." she sobbed. "We were only going to talk, he wanted to tell me something but he looked so good and I..." she sat up quickly. "He knows how to touch me Amber, he knows just where to kiss me to make me lost control..."

"You slept with him?" Janie nodded. "Did you enjoy it?" Her eyes went wide, she nodded fiercely. "Are you regretting it?" She nodded her head sadly. "What's wrong Janie?"

"We were just laying there afterwards, I went to kiss him and I saw all the bridal magazines sitting on my nightstand. I freaked, I jumped out of bed and told him he had to leave, it was a mistake and it would never happen again."

"What did Devon do?"

She groaned, "He looked hurt." She stared at me. "Really hurt, I've never seen him look like that before; he normally looked relieved to leave."

"But not this time?"

"No," she frowned. "He told me that he didn't believe he was a mistake and he hoped it would happen again. I told him that it wouldn't, I didn't want to be with him. He tried to tell me something and I told him that nothing he would say would make me change my mind."

"Oh no," I sighed. "Janie you should really listen to him, I think you will -"

"Amber I went to see him tonight, to tell him that I wanted to know what he was going to say but..."

"But what? He didn't want to talk to you?" She shook her head. "Well I guess he was probably still a little up-"

"No Amber!" Janie cut me off. "He wasn't there!"

"Well he has been..." she was shaking her head. "What do you mean no?"

"He's gone Amber," she started to sob again. "I ran into his neighbour on the way out and I asked him about Devon, he told me he saw Devon loading some stuff into his car a couple days ago and haven't seen him since."

"Maybe he is away on for work?"

She shook her head again. "I went to see his parents before I came here, they haven't seen him since the wedding and he was technically on 'vacation' at work." She stared up at me, her eyes blood red from crying. "His mom and I went to his condo Amber, there's nothing left. He's gone."