My Decision

A couple days have passed since the evening I ran into Cary and Devon flipped out. I don't care what anyone says, there is no way I'm going to pretend that it doesn't bug the hell out of me that he spends all his free time with Kelly and Gabe or talking about them or doing something for them!! Why should I have too? Who in their right mind would? I'm not being childish or anything and the fact that I slept with him when he was engaged to Kelly has nothing to do with the situation!!

Do you really think it should matter now? Devon didn't love her then and he don't love her now, he's just using her so he can be close to Gabe!! The same stupid reason he was all over Amber once Reed finally found her again!! He wants a child!! He doesn't care who's baby it is either! Whatever Devon wants, he gets! That's the way it's always been and that's the way he expects it to be now!!

But you know what? I'm not going to be just another person he uses and throws away; I did that once before and it wasn't all that hot for me! I love him but there is no way I'm going to be on the bottom of his list! I need some attention! I need to know he wants me for more than a roll in the sack! I want what we had before Kelly had Gabe! I want Devon to want me, I want him to 'chase' after me, I want him to be romantic and say the things he said to me the night he 'kidnapped' me and brought me out to the house he bought for Kelly!

The house he bought for Kelly? -sigh- I can't even get him to buy me lunch and he buys her a freaking house? Am I jealous? You are damn right I'm jealous!

And like I said, I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to decide he wants to see me or not. I'm going out! I'm going to live my life and he can go to hell for all I care!

Guess what I did?

I called Cary up earlier tonight. I know what you are all thinking but no, I didn't do it to 'get back at' Devon, I did it because I miss Cary, he's a funny guy and he's so sweet. I want to be friends with him.

And that's what I'm going to do! Or at least, that's what I'm going to tell him tomorrow night when I meet him for drinks at DW's. Amber thinks I should tell Devon that I'm meeting up with Cary and why but he wasn't paying much attention to me when I tried to tell him! How do I know he wasn't paying attention? He told me to have fun! No questions! No tirades! Nothing!

Chances are that I'll try to tell him again before I leave to meet Cary tomorrow...