Yes, I'm A 'Reactor' =)

ARGH!!! Seriously! What did I do? Where did I sign my name on this whole 'we are dating but I can talk too/hang out with/buy gifts for my ex-fiance and her new baby but you can't even talk to yours without me flipping out' deal? Because seriously if I knew it was going to be like this, I don't think I would've sign the damn deal!

Ok. There really isn't a signed deal out there anywhere but you get the idea. I'm so PO'ed at Devon right now...so PO'ed that I almost typed Dylan for some stupid reason! I don't even know a Dylan! But if I did, you can bet that he wouldn't be the dick that Devon is being at this moment!

Calm down Janie...just calm down...

Yes, I'm talking to myself here...or I guess you can say 'typing'...haha =)

=( does this site not do the smiley face guys? I love the smiley face guys!

Wait a second, I got off topic. I do that a lot, people say I'm ditsy but I like to think that my mind just works so fast that it boggles every one's mind!!

Ok. So. Devon. Right...

Last night I was walking downtown with him, we were on our way to dinner when he decided to stop into the toy store to see if there was anything new since he was in the earlier that day. I kid you not! He was in there lunchtime yesterday! He told me when we were walking in the door!

I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to be looking at toys for his ex's son, we were on a date! Do you all shop for toys for baby while you are on a date? A date with the person you were cheating on said ex with in the first place?

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Kelly or Gabe, I think Gabe is really cute but seriously! I don't want to look at baby stuff on a date. When I tried to tell him that, he got mad at me! He didn't even let me finish or explain how I was feeling, he just told me I was being childish and walked away!

When Devon walked away from me, I decided I wasn't sticking around the store, he could do whatever he wanted, I was going to the restaurant to wait for him. When I told him that, he mumbled something like, 'maybe I won't show up'.

I stormed out of the store but not before telling him I didn't care if he did or not. I told him he could go see Kelly for all I cared.

But I did care, I was looking forward to last night for the simple fact that it didn't have anything to do with Kelly or Gabe! Ever since Gabe was born, Devon has been over there or calling Kelly or shopping for them. I just wanted him to myself. Is that so wrong?

I was stomping down the sidewalk, muttering to myself as I went. I swear people were crossing the street to avoid me because they thought I was crazy. And maybe I was. Maybe I am.

As I stomped, I thought I heard someone say my name. Turning around I saw Cary half running up the sidewalk towards me.

C: Hey!

Me: Ummm, hi! How are you?

C: I'm ok. How are you? You seemed to be a little mad, I wasn't sure if I should bother you. - tilting his head, sizing me up - Are you ok Janie?

Me: I'm fine, I just - sigh - I'm fine.

C: - looking around - Are you late meeting someone? Or do you have a couple minutes?

Me: I was just heading down for something to eat - pointed down the street at the restaurant - but I have a couple minutes. What's up?

I wish I could tell you what Cary wanted but Devon decided to come after me at that moment.

D: - steps in between Cary and me, facing Cary - time's up.

C: - glancing around Devon to look at me - We'll talk later?

If Devon wasn't giving Cary the dirtiest look I've ever seen and if he didn't interrupt us so rudely, I probably would've said no but...

Me: - cheerfully - Yes, I would like that.

Cary gave me a smile before walking away.

D: What was that all about?

Me: - shrugging - don't know, you interrupted before he could tell me what he wanted. - raising a brow, totally joking - hey maybe he wanted me to run away with him!

D: - glaring -

Me: - sighing - I was KIDDING Devon! Good Lord! Seriously!

I turned to head to the restaurant when his hand came down on my arm, he spun me around to face him.

D: I don't want you to talk to him anymore.

Me: - laughing - yeah, right. - has a thought - Ok, I'll stop talking to him...

D: - lets go of my arm and smiles - Ok, good. Let's go eat. -takes my hand in his, about to take a step down the sidewalk -

Me: - continues - ...when you stop talking to Kelly.

D: - freezes in mid step, turns to me once again - I told you why I still talk to Kelly. I'm not going to stop just because you say so.

Me: - shrugging but really I care, it hurt that he wouldn't consider my feelings - then you should understand why I will talk to Cary, if I want too.

But he didn't understand. He told me that he didn't see why I would have a problem with him helping out Kelly. "If my parents didn't do what they did, I wouldn't feel responsible for her!"

I wasn't about to get into it with him in the middle of the sidewalk. I told him that we could go have dinner and talk about this later or go home and talk about it then.

He decided to go home...alone.

I wanted to scream as he walked away from me but instead, I spun around and took myself out to dinner.

It was the best dinner I've had in a while.

Which makes me wonder, am I jumping into a 'relationship' with Devon because I really love him or because I love the idea of loving him?

We don't fight all the time, it's just lately and it's always about Kelly. At first I tried to smile and deal with it but it's like I'm having a relationship with two other people. I don't want that, I want... - sigh - I want all of his attention when we are together.

Is that so wrong of me?

- Janie

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