It Needs To Be Said

"What floor?"

"Huh?" I was lost in my own little world, I didn't even notice when someone joined me as I stepped into the elevator to take me to the second floor where Amber was just about to get off work.

The guy smiled, "What floor were you visiting today?"

"Ummm, the second," I made a move to hit the button but he was quicker than me. "Thanks," I flashed him a smile and retreated back into my own little world as the elevator doors started to close.

"Do you have a child?" He asked.

"No," I shook my head but stared straight ahead, wishing the ride was over.

"Oh," he seemed surprised.

The elevator dinged as it came to a stop on the second floor, I stepped forward as the doors started to slide open.

Amber and Reed were walking towards the elevator when I stepped off; Reed was holding Alexis in his arms as he gave his full attention to what Amber was saying.

I know it's wrong but I can't help but feel jealous every time I see the three of them together. I'm not jealous that Reed is with Amber, I'm not interesting in him that way. No, I'm jealous of 'them', of the relationship they have, the love they share and the little girl who is the spitting image of her mommy. That's right folks, I said it, Alexis looks like Amber, I don't care what Amber says, it's true - Alexis is her baby twin!

"Hey guys."

Amber turned from Reed to smile at me, "I'm so excited about tonight," she exclaimed as Reed pouted.

"It doesn't look like Reed is though."

"What?" Amber glanced at him and laughed. "Oh honey," she turned, wrapped one arm around his waist and rested the other one against his chest. "I'll be home before you even miss me."

"Ha!" Reed shook his head, "I'm already missing you." They kissed and I swear I died a little inside just watching them; how do I get that?

"Ok, ok enough," I jokingly tugged on Amber's arm to get her away from Reed. "Stop corrupting my niece!"

Reed pulled back enough from Amber to look down at the little girl in his arms, "You tell Aunt Janie that you like it when mommy and daddy kiss." He glanced up at me and whispered, "She wants to be a big sister."

"Reed!" Amber gasped.

"What?" He tried to look innocent for a second and then turned back to me. "But little do either of them know," he leaned in closer to me and whispered, "I'm enjoying the 'trying' more than the 'having' right now."

"REED!" Amber slapped his arm. "Don't say that!"

"Why not?"

"Because people like think that we are actually trying to have another child," she looked at me. "We aren't trying Janie."

I went to tell her it was ok but Reed had something else to say.

"Oh I'm trying all right," he nodded, smiling at Amber. "I try to get you to kiss me, I try to get you to touch me, I try to get you naked and I try to get you to -"

Amber slapped her hand over his mouth. "Keep that up and you'll have all the 'try' you want and none of the 'get'." Reed made this whimpering sound. "I didn't think you would like that," Amber dropped her hand. "Now Janie and I have stuff to do, I'll see you at home later, ok?"

Reed smiled, nodded and said, "Yes dear."

Amber laughed, "Get outta here."

With one last kiss, Reed and Alexis moved towards the elevator and Amber and I headed back into the day care. "I'm just going to tell Co...oh!" She jumped as the guy from the elevator rounded the corner the same time she did. "Hey!"

"Hey," he chuckled. "I take it you are heading out?" Amber told him we were, he glanced at me and then told us to have a great time.

We were heading back towards the exit when Amber stopped and spun around. "I'm sorry," she exclaimed out of nowhere. The elevator guy glanced up from the papers in his hand to give her a questioning look. "I didn't mean to be rude," she told him. "Colin," she motioned to me. "This is my best friend, Janie." Turning to me, she motioned to Colin, "Janie, this is Colin, we work together."

Colin and I exchanged 'nice to meet you's and shook hands before Amber and I turned to go for real this time. Later, over a meal of popcorn shrimp, wings, chicken fingers and onion rings, I would ask her why she stopped to introduce us like that.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I thought it would be rude if I didn't. Plus," she leaned in over the table as if she was about to tell me something top secret. "Don't you think he's seriously cute with his dark hair, green eyes and killer smile? And not to mention the body!" Her eyes went wide. "The boy knows his way around a gym."

My jaw dropped to the table, I swear. "Amber!"

"What?" She picked up an onion ring and dipped it in the house special sauce. I just stared at her. "I can look," she told me. "There's nothing wrong with looking, I am human after all but it doesn't mean I'm about ready to throw him down on the kiddie tables and have my way with him!"

I was shocked, I never heard her talk like that about anyone besides Reed. "Does Reed know you are looking?"

Amber rolled her eyes. "Janie! Reed knows I love him, he knows that he's the only man for me."

"Yes but does he know that you are thinking about Colin like that?"

"It's funny," Amber laughed. "I look at Colin, I think he's cute but I would never do anything with him; Reed means too much to me." She went to bite into her onion ring, "But that doesn't mean I don't look at other guys!"

"Doesn't Reed get jealous?"

"A little," she told me. "Then he feels like he needs to remind me why I'm with him."

I grinned, "The whole 'trying' thing?"

Amber cracked up laughing, "Oh Lord! I can't believe he said that!"

It was nice to hang out with Amber, to see that relationships aren't as messed up as mine is. Unfortunately, it was a matter of time before she asked how things were going with Devon. I didn't have an answer for her.

"That doesn't make me feel that things are going well," she told me. "What's going on Janie? Is Devon doing something wrong?"

I told her it wasn't something he was doing, it was what he wasn't doing. I told her that he asked me to move in and how it turned into an argument with me leaving with the feeling that nothing will ever change between us. "I know it's not right but I keep comparing Devon to other guys and he always comes up short."

"Oh," she seemed so disappointed, I knew she was hoping that things would work out between us ever since she come back. "Well have you tried to talk to him, really talk and tell him what's on your mind? Have you told him what you wanted and what you were looking for from him?"

"It doesn't help Amber, he just doesn't seem to care what I think or feel." I took a deep breath and said something I hadn't said out loud ever. "I don't think Devon and I have a future together."