I Think Of You As Family

Last night I went over to Devon's house to sit with Janie for a little while. It's been so difficult to see her since the fire, she doesn't seem like the same Janie I've known most of my life. She seems withdrawn. Devon told me that she's been like that since he brought her home that night.

"She doesn't want to do anything," he told me. "She just wants to sit around watching TV or sleep. I'm worried about her, this can't be healthy."

"Have you tried to get her to go out?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "But the only time she went out was to go to the funeral. She..." he trailed off. He looked so defeated as he stood before me, I wanted to give him a hug and tell him that everything will be ok. "I don't know what to do," he admitted helplessly.

He had a meeting with a client, that's why he called and asked me to sit with her, he didn't want to leave her alone in case she needed something. After I promised to call him if she asked for him, he poked his head into the living to tell her that he was heading out. Janie didn't even acknowledge him, she just stared at the TV.

Once Devon was gone, I walked into the living room and Janie sighed. "He's hovering."

"He's worried about you."

"Yeah," she sniffed. "He's been asking me how I'm doing. I tell him I'm fine but he keeps asking me. Make him stop Amber, tell him to stop asking me how I'm doing. My mom is dead, my dad killed her. How the hell do you think I'm doing? I'm dying inside."

"Janie," I went to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I'm so sorry that this happened, I wish there was something I could do to change it but I can't."

"I know," she mumbled and then chuckled. "Devon would turn back time if he could, he told me that last night when we were in bed."

"Ummm..."

"It's not what you think," she told me. "We didn't do anything - we haven't done anything - he just holds me and I sleep." She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. "I'm so tired all the time," she sighed heavily. "If he let me I would sleep all the time but he won't, he gets me up."

"He cares about you," I said softly.

"Mmm," she nodded. "He does."

"And you -"

"I just buried my mom."

That was the extent of our conversation. She started to cry again. When Devon came home, I was sitting on one end of his couch, watching TV, stroking her hair as she rested her head on my lap as she cried. I felt like I was soothing Alexis, is that weird? It seemed like it was a motherly thing to do.

I left Devon's not long after he got home, I don't even think that either one of them noticed that I did. As I drove home, I was glad that Janie let Devon help her out in her time of need. She certainly didn't have any other people to count on besides Reed and me.

I was happy to see my home appear in front of me as I pulled into the driveway. I was feeling a little down from visiting with Janie, I wanted to go find Reed and curl up in his arms. "Reed?" I called as I walked into the dimly lit house. When I left he was watching TV, I guess I expected him to be still in the living room but it seemed like he was already gone to bed. I couldn't help but feel disappointed as I turned off the lights as I headed down the hallway to check on Alexis before going upstairs to cuddle up to his sleeping form.

"Amber." I heard his voice coming from behind me, I turned to see him sitting behind his desk in his office.

"Hey!" I grinned as I made my way into his office. "I'm so glad that you are awake, I..." The look he gave me stopped me from finishing that sentence. "Reed? Honey what's wrong?"

"Come here," he pushed his chair out from the desk. "I have to ask you something."

"Ok," I said hesitantly as I rounded his desk. "What's on your mind?" He leaned back in the chair, his head resting against the head rest as he gazed up at me while his fingers teasingly stroked my fingers. "Reed?" I couldn't make out the look on his face. He didn't look upset but he didn't look happy either.

He gripped my wrist and yanked on my hand, pulling me down onto his lap.

"Reed!" I laughed as he settled me across his lap. I went to kiss him but he held a finger up to my lips. I frowned.

"I came in here to do some work," he told me. "But I decided to check out some stuff online when I stumbled across this -" he turned my head towards the screen.

I gasped as I saw my words staring me right in the face. "I..." I turned back to him, he looked at me with questions in his eyes. "I..."

"I believe you said that already Amber."

"Don't be mad."

He frowned.

"I needed to talk to someone and there was no one around. I wanted to feel like someone cared about what was happening with me. I needed something to stop me from going crazy." He didn't said anything. "Reed you don't know what it was like, I was cut off from everyone I knew and loved. I didn't know anyone and I was lonely so I started to write. People were reading it, they were interested in what was going on with me. I soon started to think of them as my friends."

"But you don't know anything about them Amber! But they know all of our personal business!"

"I know! I came to rely on them, they helped me out when I needed it and they gave advice." He stared at me. "Don't do that," I cried. "You must have read the comments, you know that they were all rooting for you!" I smiled, "They helped me open my eyes when it came to you honey. They made me realize just how lucky I was to have you in my life."

"So you are with me because of them?"

"No!" I laughed. "They just helped me spread the dark clouds of hurt and self doubt to see what I've always thought and felt for you. I'm with you because I love you Reed." I kissed his lips. "And they all love you too!"

He blushed. "I guess it isn't bad after all."

"No," I hugged him tight. "It's all good, it brought us back together again."

"Well," he nibbled at my neck. "In that case, don't you think we should go upstairs and make them proud?"

He led the way and I followed eagerly. Making love to Reed last night was nothing short of earth shattering. With every beat of my heart, I love him more. I don't know where our journey is going to take us. All I know is that I'm extremely grateful to have been given a second chance at happiness.

It's with mixed emotions that I write this entry today. Even though I love all of you guys, who take the time out of your busy schedules to check in on me and give me some help, a kind word or encouragement, I feel that it's time to take the next step. I will miss every single one of you and I will never forget how a group of strangers became my best friends through the written words on a web page.

I hope that you are all proud of the person I have become for you all had a hand in molding me. Thank you.

- AmberLynn