Is Silence Really Golden?

Ok, so spending the night with Reed again was probably not the brightest thing I've ever done. I have no excuses and I'm not going to try to convince anyone that it wasn't as bad as they think because I'm not so sure myself. I honestly don't know how I feel about him, I'm so mad at him for not being there for Alexis and me for the last 16 months. But on the other hand, I keep thinking, he's here now why cause yourself stress over the past when he seems to want to make things right? Why shouldn't I give him that chance? Does he deserve that chance?

As I sit here and write this I still don't know the answer to those questions. I wish there was someone to talk to about it but who would I talk too? My mother? She'd tell me that it's in Alexis' best interest for her parents to be together. The only other person I talk to is Chris and I don't think he needs to know that I've been sleeping with my ex.

I used to have a friend that I could tell everything to, Janie. We were so close through junior high and high school, it was like what I imagine having a sister would be like. We were always together; talking, laughing and sharing everything.

When I started dating Reed she wanted me to hook her up with his friend, Devon. I did and they dated on and off but things weren't good between them. When I found out I was pregnant, I told her even before I told anyone else. She was so concerned about me and what would happen when everyone found out but she was also in the middle of ending things with Devon. The same night, I told Reed about the baby. He flipped out and I went home in tears. Over the next couple days my parents found out and the rest is history I guess.

So what happened to my friendship with Janie? I have no idea, we emailed for a while but then she stopped without explanation. I was too busy being sick and pregnant, that I didn't bother to try to find out what happened.

But now I needed a friend, so I emailed her yesterday while Reed was gone out to the store.

Hey Janie,

It's been a long time since I last spoke to you, or emailed you. I've been busy with the expected curve life threw me, and I love every minute of it. Alexis is the best little girl ever.

Janie, I was wondering if there is a chance that we could be friends again? I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I really wish we could hang out like the old days.

My email address hasn't changed and ***-***-**** is my home phone number. I would love to hear from you.

Amber

As of right now, she hasn't called or emailed me back. I'm so confused at the moment, that I'm contemplating calling my mother to get some advice. But before I do that, let me fill you in.

I woke up yesterday on the couch - alone. I couldn't believe it! I was about ready to flip out on myself when I heard his whispered voice coming from the kitchen.

"No, I haven't asked her yet...I don't want her to think that I only want that...well that maybe what you want but it's not why I'm here!"

I wondered who he was talking to and what he was going to ask me. Then I wondered if he was playing me to get something.

"Mother just stop! If you want to see Alexis, then you either ask Amber to bring her to see you or you ask her if you can some and visit. I'm not going to be your go-between."

I raised a brow, if Lucinda wants to see Alexis she is going to have to come here, I'm not bring her to enemy territory. I stretched out, why doesn't she want to see her all of a sudden?

"Amber isn't stupid mother, she's going to know something is up no matter what...No! I'm not going to lie to her, you do whatever you want but leave me out of it. I want Amber to trust me, mom I need her to trust me."

Trust him?? I had enough listening, I crawled off the couch, wrapping a blanket around me as I went. I walked out into the kitchen, leaned back against the fridge and waited for him to turn around.

"Mom," I didn't hear Reed call his mother 'mom' too many times, normally it's when he's being painfully honest. He rested his hip against the edge of the counter and sighed, "I want her to be able to believe me when I tell her that I..." he happened to glance over his shoulder towards the couch and was surprised to find me standing behind him. He had this vulnerable look on his face for a brief moment, he looked away and when he looked back again, it was gone. "Umm mother I have to go...Amber is awake....I don't think she wants...ok fine." He held out his cell to me. "Mother would like to speak with you."

I rubbed my hand over my arm as I glanced from his to his phone. I didn't want to talk to his mother, ever. But I didn't really have a choice, I guess. "Hello Lucinda," I tried to sound cheerful when I took his phone, I thought I sounded fake.

"How are you this fine morning Amber Lynn?"

I rolled my eyes and glared at Reed, who shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other as he watched me. "I'm fine Lucinda, what's on your mind this morning?"

"Well Amber Lynn, I was just thinking about Reed being down there to visit and I thought it would be great if you and Alexis came back with him on Thursday. I know he would love to spend more time with both of you. Roger and I would also love to see Alexis again, we didn't have a chance to visit when you were here last weekend."

"Oh?" I raised a brow. "And why is it that you are suddenly so eager to spend time in the company of the 'slut' who was trying to trap your 'precious little Reed' into marriage?" I waited for her gasp and then continued, "That was you that said that, right? Yes, I believe it was right after you slapped my face and before you 'fainted'."

"Why I never!" Lucinda exclaimed, "How dare you talk to me like that? Do you know who I am?"

I laughed, "Of course I know who you are Lucinda. And I know what you are. If you think I'm going to forget everything and happily ship my daughter off to see you then you are crazier than I ever though possible!"

"Amber," Reed was at my side. "Darling please don't."

I looked into his eyes as Lucinda freaked in my ear. "I don't know why Reed insists on being involved with you. I told him from the beginning you were trouble, that boy never listens to me!"

With my jaw clenched, I glared at Reed. "Just cut the crap and tell me what you are playing at, I don't have time for games anymore."

Reed shook his head and went to say something but he stopped.

"You are not fit to be a mother!" Lucinda stated. "Alexis would be so much better off if she was with Reed full time."

"Alexis is my daughter and there's no way you or anyone else will take her from me." I ripped the phone away from my ear and slammed it into Reed's chest. "If you are even thinking about taking her from me, I'll make you sorry you were ever born!"

I had to get out of there I couldn't stand to be around him anymore. I went into my room, closed the door behind me and crawled into my bed. Is that what he's after? Does he want my baby? Does he think I'll just hand her over to him?

It was maybe two minutes before I heard Reed knocking on my door, I ignored it but he didn't wish to be ignored. Without permission he opened the door and came over to me.

"Amber?"

I lifted my head up to see him kneeling on the floor by my bed. I didn't say anything to him, I just glared at him, he reached for my hand but I pulled it back.

"I have no intentions of ever trying to take Alexis from you. I swear the thought has never crossed my mind Amber." His hand came up and brushed a strand of hair back from my face before I could stop it. "I want to be a part of Alexis' life, I want her to know me and to be proud to call me 'daddy'."

He sighed, "I wish that there was something I could say to make the relationship you have with my mother better but there isn't. Amber, I want Alexis to know her grandparents too. My mother has done and said many things in the past that she regrets, she wants to make things right but she doesn't know how to extend that olive branch in a manner that would make you accept it, not swish her across the back with it." I grinned at the image of smacking his mother with a branch. "Although I would pay to see you do it."

The grin disappeared from my face. "Why does she suddenly want Alexis in her life?" He shifted uncomfortably and went to say something but I stopped him. "I don't want any crap Reed, just tell me the truth."

He groaned, "I didn't want to get in this, I told her she had to make her own bridges with you. God knows, I have enough of my own to keep me busy for a long time."

"Reed just tell me."

"Ok," he took a deep breath and let it out before he spoke again. "A couple months ago my mother found a lump on her breast, she got it checked out and luckily it wasn't cancer. But it seemed to be a little bit of a wake up call for her. The moment she found it wasn't cancer she kept talking about all the things she did, all the people she screwed over in the past. She swore that she would do something about it, if was too late to fix what she did, maybe she could apologize for it."

I rolled my eyes, "You expect me to believe that woman wants to make everything better?"

"I don't know what she wants Amber. And frankly I don't care."

I laughed, "Then why are you here, errand boy?"

"I'm here because I want to be not because my mother decided she wants to know her granddaughter." Reed jumped to his feet and stared down at me. "I'm here because I got tired of waiting for you to let me in again. I'm tired of being ignored Amber, I may have been a prick when you told me about Alexis but you could have returned my calls, you could've had the decency to reply to my emails if nothing else."

I didn't know what he was talking about, I didn't receive any calls and certainly didn't get any emails. I was about to tell him what I thought about his 'I'm tired' speech when Alexis' cries interrupted me.

All day yesterday, he didn't say another word to me and I was too tired to hear any more bs.

Last night he slept on the couch.

And I slept in my bed.

This morning he made breakfast and cleaned up without my help. And he asked to take Alexis outside to play.

I stayed in here and this is what I did.

Now it's noon, he's back with Alexis and wants to take us out for lunch.