Catching Up

I woke up feeling happier than I felt in a long time. Could admitting that I still love him be the reason for that? Or is it because for once, I didn't wake up alone? I glanced at Reed's sleeping form and I smiled. He needs a haircut, I thought. Although, I didn't mind the fact that he had shoulder length hair, I sometimes wished it was shorter. I went to reach out and touch his head but he coughed and rolled over onto his back.

His eyes flicked a couple times and then they opened. He laid there staring at the ceiling for a moment before he sighed and turned onto his side, facing me. When he saw me, he seemed surprised. "Hey Amber," he gave me a sleepy grin.

It wasn't exactly the greeting I expected after I told him I loved him. I don't know what I was expecting but I was kinda hoping for a kiss at least. But he didn't even move in closer to me. Does he really love me? Or was he just saying that? I frowned, God I hope he wasn't kidding.

Reed yawned which caused me to yawn as well. "Is Alexis awake?" He asked me.

I shrugged, "I don't think so." I feel so stupid lying there with him, the distance between us seemed to be so much more than the foot of bed.

"Did you.." He paused, frowned and then continued. "Did you get some sleep?"

I nodded, I didn't trust myself to say anything.

"Oh that's good," he looked at me like he was trying to figure something out. "When did you..." he trailed off.

"When did I what?"

He ran a hand through his hair, "When did you join me? In bed?" I stared at him in shock, "What?" He asked.

"You have got to be kidding!" I snapped and went to get out of bed.

"Amber!" He grabbed my arm to stop me. "What? What did I say?"

I shook his hand off my arm, "Nothing Reed, nothing at all." I got out of bed and pulled on my clothes. Either he didn't know for real, or he was playing some sick game; it didn't matter which it was, I still wanted to cry.

Once I was dressed, I went to the bathroom. While I was in there Reed got up and checked on Alexis, who was awake in her crib. He pulled her out and headed back to my bed. "Daddy has to go bye bye tonight." He told her, "I wish I didn't have too but I have to work."

I made my way back to my room. Standing in the doorway, I asked him if he wanted anything special for supper. He told me he was thinking about ordering pizza, if I knew a good place. I went and got him a menu to the one place that I always ordered from. "What did you want?" He asked me as he scanned the menu with Alexis.

"I'm not hungry," I told him and disappeared into the living room.

I was watching something about some shipwreck when they came out of my room. Reed put Alexis down on the floor with some of her toys before he came over and sat down next to me. "Tell me why you are mad at me," he asked.

I shook my head, "I'm not mad Reed." I feel stupid.

"No? Then why don't you want pizza? You love pizza." It was true, I did.

I shrugged, "I'm just not in the mood to eat I guess."

Reed sighed, "Ok." He got off the couch and picked up the phone to call in his order. Once he was finished with that, he joined Alexis on the floor.

I sat there pretending to watch the TV, I saw every single glance Reed made in my direction. He was trying to figure out what he did wrong.

The show I was watching ended, so I was surfing through the guide when Reed crawled over to me. "Berrylynn please tell me what I did."

I sighed, "You didn't do anything Reed. I just thought you were awake when I joined you, you spoke to me."

"Oh?" He frowned, "I don't remember talking, I don't remember you coming to bed. I'm sorry Amber."

"It's ok," I told him but I wasn't looking at him, I was staring at the TV. Oh! 7th Heaven! I flipped the channel to the show and laid down the remote.

"So what did I say when you came to bed?" Reed was still kneeling at my feet.

I shrugged, "It doesn't matter."

He sighed, "Yes it does. What did I say?"

"You told me you loved me." I didn't look at him but I could see him out of the corner of my eye; he sat back on his heels.

"I've told you that before," he gazed up at me. "You know how I feel about you, that shouldn't have been a surprise, nor should it have made you mad."

"I'm not mad Reed!"

"Really?" He got off the floor and sat next to me. "Why did me telling you that I love you, upset you?"

"It didn't Reed, like you said, it wasn't a surprise. What was said after was the surprise." Damn! I didn't mean to say that!

"What was said after that?" He asked. When I didn't say anything he sighed, "Amber don't do this, tell me what I said that upset you!"

I turned to him, "It wasn't something you said, it was something I said!" I jumped off the couch. "I said something stupid."

Reed stood up, his hands lifted to my waist. "Amber what did you say?"

I shook my head, "I'm not repeating it."

He took a step closer, "If I told you I loved you, what could you have possibly said?" He pulled me closer and leaned down, his lips were next to my ear. "Could you have possibly told me that you loved me too?" His lips brushed against my cheek, "Hmmm? Did you darling?"

I didn't say anything, I couldn't say anything. I lowered my head.

"Come on my darling Berrylynn, please tell me what you said," he kissed along my cheek down towards my lips. Once he kissed the corner of my mouth, he pulled back slightly and stared down at me. "I love you Amber."

I closed my eyes, I couldn't look into his eyes. "I love you too Reed," I whispered but turned my head before he could kiss me. "I don't want too but I do."

He was quiet, I could feel his body tense. "Why don't you want too?" He asked slowly.

I looked up at him, "Because loving you hurts Reed."

We stood there staring into each others eyes; both seeing love and pain in the others eyes and not knowing what we could do to change that.

"I'm sorry I've hurt you Amber."

The pizza came just afterwards; even though I said I wasn't hungry, Reed ordered my favorite pizza for me.

We ate in relative silence. Once supper was finished and Alexis was in bed for the night, Reed packed up his things and started to leave.

"Amber?" He turned to look back at me from the doorway.

"Yes Reed?"

"I love you." I turned away from him and he crossed the room towards me. He pulled me into his arms and held me, "I promise you, I'll make it right again." I went to tell him that wasn't necessary but he stopped me. "Just promise me one thing?"

"What's that?"

"Promise me that you won't fall for another while I'm trying?" He kissed my cheek. "Please don't fall in love with Chris."

Chris? I stared up at him, I had pretty much forgotten about him.

Reed didn't ask to me tell him that I promised, he kissed me on the lips and told me he'd be thinking about me when he was up to his eyes in work. "I hope I can get some free time to come see you and Alexis next weekend."

That was over a week ago. He didn't get the time to come and see us, according to my mother, they were pretty much working around the clock to get the proposal ready for tomorrow. He called a couple times to check in with us but we barely had time to say 'hello' before he was gone again.

Last week Alexis and I tried to get into our normal routine but it just seemed wrong somehow.

I was hoping that I would've heard from Chris, seeing he was on his four days off but I didn't see or hear him at all. I didn't know if he was avoiding me or if he was just busy.

So far there is nothing on our schedule for this upcoming week. Well besides the 'mommy and me' group that Donna told us about, we are going to that on Tuesday. Alexis and I both can't wait for that to come!