I'm Like A Bird

Alexis was laughing at me. The entire run down, up and back down she was just giggling away at me. I'm sure if she could talk she'd tell me I was silly but I didn't care.

I pushed my way out through the building's outer door that opened into the parking lot and skidded to a stop. Oh my god! I lifted the key chain in my hand and press the 'unlock' button on the remote. The lights on the near by Jeep Grand Cherokee flashed as the doors unlocked. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed and ran towards it.

Alexis and I stood there staring at the Jeep for the longest time, I was too shocked to do anything but stare. I couldn't believe Reed bought me a car, no wait, let me rephrase that, he bought me a Jeep! "Your daddy is crazy," I whispered to Alexis.

"Da da?" She looked up at me.

I nodded, "Yes, your daddy. Do you see what he bought us?" She glanced at the Jeep and then looked around. "Da da?"

"No, baby he's not here. But he'll be here tomorrow," I told her. With a shaky hand, I reached towards the shiny black door. "Do you want to take her for a spin?" I asked as I opened the back door and was engulfed by that new car smell. "Oh lord!" I cried as I slide Alexis into the back before slipping her car seat inside. As quickly as I could I hooked up the car seat and strapped her into it. Then I hopped out and jumped into the drivers seat.

Oh my God, oh my god, oh my god! That was all I could think as I looked around at the interior of the Jeep. The one thing that really caught my attention was the 6 disc CD changer. Road trip! I glanced in the rear view mirror at Alexis and she too was looking around at her surroundings. "What to do for a drive snuggle bug?"

"Da da," she said. I laughed, "Well we can't go see him but we'll call him when we get home." I turned the key, adjusted the seat and mirrors, the radio and the climate settings before I slipped the Jeep into reverse and pulled out of the parking lot.

It was a little weird driving it at first. Not because it was a hard vehicle to drive but because I haven't driven in almost two years. I was so scared, I didn't want to wreak the Jeep or hurt Alexis.

Once I got used to how the Jeep handled, I headed for the highway, to see what she could do. I can't tell you how free I felt driving down the highway. I felt that there was nothing that could stop me from doing whatever I wanted. Oh my god! We can go to the 'mommy and me' group now! It was that realization that started it, the tears. I pulled over onto the side of the road and just bawled. To know that Reed would buy me something this over the top just so I could take Alexis to a play group astounded me.

He's so good to you Amber, I told myself. After everything he continues to do whatever he can for you. And what do you do? You treat him like crap. He doesn't have to do any of this, he can stop at any time he feels like it and then what would you do? How would you live if he wasn't paying for anything? You would be like every other single mother out there, struggling to keep your head above water so that Alexis could have everything.

I never really stopped and thought about it before. Even after I learned that Reed was paying for everything I thought that he should, it was his fault that I was abandoned by my family. I blamed him for everything when in actual fact I should be thanking him. Alexis was the best thing that ever happened in my life, having her around actually made me feel like I was needed. I would hate to think about what my life would be like if she wasn't around.

I pulled myself together and I turned the Jeep around to drive back to the apartment. But first I made a couple stops.

When we were finally back in the comfort of our apartment, I grabbed the phone and dialed Reed's cell number but I got his voice mail so I left him a message.

"Hey Reed it's Amber. Could you give me a call when you get this?" I know it wasn't much of a message but I didn't want to express my thanks and say the others things I wanted too say to a answering machine.

Alexis and I played, eat dinner and played some more before she went down for her nap. I was doing a little bit of cleaning when Reed called me back. "Were you surprised?" was the first thing he said to me after 'hello'.

I laughed, "Yes! I still can't believe you really did that. You know you didn't have too Reed."

"I know," he sounded so happy. "I don't have to do anything that I do, I do it because I want too."

"But a Jeep Reed? Isn't that a little over the top?"

"No, I don't think so. Look Amber, you've always talked about getting a Jeep so I figured it would be the best thing to buy. Plus, it has lots of cargo room for..." he paused and then quickly tried to cover it with, "anything you need to pack around."

I wanted to ask him what he was thinking but he said he had to go, he was putting in extra time so that he could leave early Friday (today). "Wait!" I called into the phone, he asked me what and I took a deep breath. "Thank you for the Jeep Reed, Alexis and I love it. And maybe when you are down here, I'll let you have a ride in it."

He laughed, "Let me?"

I grinned, "Ok, you can have a ride. But I'm driving!"

"We'll see," he chuckled before he hung up.

I got off the phone and I felt like I was walking on air. I couldn't wait for the time to pass for him to come visit. Visit Alexis that is.

Who believes that?

I don't know if I do.

This morning Alexis and I went to the grocery store to buy all the ingredients for the meals I planned to cook this weekend. And it's just a coincidence that they are all meals that Reed loves, it wasn't planned that way.

And if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.