A Little Conversation, A Little Reality Face Slap

I was sitting on the couch with a blanket over my legs and my eyes closed when Reed came from Alexis' room, I heard him pull the door close, that's how I knew he was done putting her to bed. I heard him go into the bathroom and heard water running before he made his way back out to the living room.

He was standing there watching me, I could feel it but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't know if I was really ready to have this conversation with him. Honestly? I was cursing him for being here because I was so looking forward to a relaxing night with Chris and his kisses.

"How long are you going to ignore me Amber?" I opened one eye and peeked at Reed. "You could at least say something, hell even a 'hello' would be nice."

I closed my eye again and sighed. "Reed I didn't expect you to be here, I was trying to have a nice relaxing night."

"I see," his tone was tense. "Do you want me to go get lover boy for you? Amber how can you be out with him? Not even a week ago you were in my arms, making love to me. Now you are kissing some stranger in the halls and inviting him in?"

I opened my eyes and glared at him, "Just say what you came to say and go."

Reed sighed and came over to sit down with me. "Amber," he reached for my hand but I pulled it away. He frowned, "Fine. We'll do this your way. I came here to talk to you about the phone call you made this morning. To tell you everything you wanted to know."

I turned sideways on the couch and nodded. "It's about time."

"So what do you want to know?"

I gasped in sheer frustration, "What do I want to know?" I paused, what did I want to know? I wanted to know why he left, I wanted to know why he hasn't been there, I wanted to know how he could be paying my rent and not know where I was. I wanted to know... "Everything."

"Can you be a little more specific?"

I wanted to slap him, he knew damn well what I wanted to know. "Why are you paying my rent? Why isn't my father paying that like everything else?"

Reed laughed, "Yeah right!"

"What is that supposed to mean? Why are you paying my rent?"

"Because I didn't want to see you and our baby out in the streets!" Reed snapped at me.

"I wouldn't be living in the streets, my parents are helping me out."

"No Amber they aren't." Reed turned to sit facing me. "Your parents weren't going to help you out at all. They were fine with leaving you at your cousins' house," he held up his hand when I went to say something. "Just let me finish. I was so close to finding you there but I made the mistake of mentioning it to the wrong person and your father found out. He came to me and told me that you didn't want anything to do with me and to stop searching for you. I told him there wasn't anything he could do to stop me and that's when he told me that you wouldn't let me have anything to do with you or the baby in the shape I was in. He said that if I was really concerned about you I would step up and be a man, take care of my mistakes."

"Alexis isn't -"

"A mistake, I know that! Those were his words not mine! I told him I was going to find you and bring you home. He told me that would be a mistake because you wanted nothing to do with me and you'd run with the baby the second you had the chance. 'Then I'll help her set up a home for our baby wherever she likes', I told him."

"But my parents are pay -"

Reed shook his head, "No your parents told me that you would be more willing to accept my help if you didn't know I was helping. I didn't understand it at the time but I was drunk too so I didn't argue. They found a place for you to live, told me the amount for the rent and damage deposit but when I asked who to make the check out for they told me not to worry about that, that they would fill it in. They set up the utilities here in your father's name and then they went to get you."

"So you admit that you knew where we were!"

"No Amber, I didn't know. I know it sounds stupid but I swear I didn't."

"But the rent cheques would've come back, you could've seen who they were made out too. The office has your name Reed, you knew!"

"I've never spoke to anyone at the office, they must have got the name from the cheque. I don't know what you mean by getting the cheques back, I filled them out along with others and handed them to your parents. They took care of it from there."

I didn't believe him, and I told him that. "And what other cheques would you give my parents?"

"Ones to cover the other bills you have."

I closed my eyes, "What other bills?"

He looked around, "Power, cable, food, clothing. Everything you have here Amber."

"You pay for everything?"

"Yes everything Amber." I looked around my apartment at all the stuff that I thought my parents were helping me get and I wanted to cry. I was in all forms, except one, a kept woman. I needed some air, I felt like I was going to pass out, I jumped from the couch and grabbed my jacket as I shoved my feet into my boots. He paid for them all! "Where are you going?" Reed looked at me as I ran pass him again on my way to the balcony doors. I couldn't leave the apartment, I have a baby to take care of but I could do out there and get some air.

I heard the door open again and I knew he followed me. "Why did you do it Reed?"

He stood beside me, looking at me. "I told you why Berrylynn, I didn't want you and Alexis in the street."

"No," I shook my head. "Why didn't you come for us? All the bills have my address on them. You could've come for us."

"You think I didn't want too? Do you honestly think I wanted you living here in this tiny apartment when I have a beautiful home just standing around gathering dust? Amber I want you and Alexis to come home. I want you to live in the house."

"And sleep with you?" I scoffed.

"I don't live there. I haven't lived there yet. I bought the house when I thought I had a chance of finding you, I wanted you to have some place to come back too."

"But you didn't come for us."

"I didn't know where you were."

"Liar!" I screamed and pushed him backwards. "You had all the answers right in front of you and you didn't care!"

"Amber, I didn't have jack shit! Your bills are all in your father's name, he gets them. Once a month he'll come to me with the amount and I'll write him a cheque for the bills and the money that gets deposited into your back account. I don't see any paperwork at all."

"How convenient." I headed back into my apartment, removed my stuff and returned to the couch.

"I know you don't believe me and I don't blame you Amber but your parents will tell you the same thing I have."

"Got your stories worked out, do you?"

Reed closed his eyes, "No, it's just the truth."

"And they can also tell me why you left me the morning after the party."

He nodded, "Although they don't know I was with you."

"Then why am I even talking to you Reed? If my parents know all the answers, why are you here?"

"Because your parents aren't the ones being accused of anything. They get to sit back and let you go on hating me while they get to talk to you and spend time with you."

"I don't hate you Reed." It was true, I didn't. I just was so angry that he wasn't around for Alexis.

"But you don't want to be around me."

I sighed, "You are Alexis' father, there isn't anything I could do about that if I wanted to. I won't try to stop you from seeing her but that doesn't mean that I'm going to sit around here and just be her mom. I need other people in my life."

Reed lifted his hand to my chin and tilted my face upwards until he was gazing into my eyes. "My darling Berrylynn," I closed my eyes and tried to turn my head away, just hearing him say those words brought back so many good memories of our time together before Alexis. I loved him then, he was my everything. "I won't lie to you, the thoughts of you with another guy make me jealous as hell. Just seeing you tonight in that guy's arms, I wanted to knock his lights out. He would kick my ass but I still wanted to knock him out." I smiled involuntarily, it's true Chris could turn Reed into a bloody pulp. "I see that smile."

I sighed, "Reed you have to move on. What we had has been over for a while. We have a beautiful daughter together and we should try to get along for her sake."

"Are you going to be seeing more of that guy?"

"Chris?" I smiled, "Yes I will be."

Reed's jaw tensed, his eyes went cold. "I see." He stood up and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" I jumped off the couch and raced towards him.

"I'm tired Amber, I had a long drive here and I just want to get some sleep. I booked into the hotel just down the street, room 540." He finished straightening his jacket and looked at me. "I'll come over tomorrow morning to spend some time with Alexis before I go back." He opened the door and disappeared without another word.

He came back this morning and was here playing with Alexis until she went down for her nap. We didn't speak much at that time and when he left he said he'd call when he got home.

Alexis is back to wondering where he is, checking all the rooms and sitting by the door when she hears noises outside the door.

I hate to see my daughter hurting and not being able to do anything about it.

Well, I guess that's not true. There's always that house that Reed bought in my old hometown.

But do I sacrifice my happiness and a relationship that's just starting to be miserable so my daughter can be happy?

The fact that I even have to ask that makes me realize what a bad mother I am.