Making It Difficult

I got the biggest surprise this morning when I opened my door. It was something that I wasn't expecting and I still don't know what I should do about it. But before I get into that, I'll finish telling you about my week. Man, I'm so far behind, I hate being behind.

So Sunday...

Reed had pulled Alexis and me into his arms and I swear my heart skipped a beat. Stop it! I thought, this is Reed. You don't want to go down that road again! But no matter what I told myself, I couldn't help my reaction to him. I looked up at him to say 'happy Easter' but the words died on my lips the moment I saw the raw desire in his eyes. I expected him to kiss me, hell I even wanted him to kiss me and he knew that, I could tell by the slight grin that played on his lips. His arms tightened around me, he went to close the distance between us when Alexis' hand swung and caught him on the jaw.

He jumped, his eyes were wide with shock when he turned to look down at Alexis, she was pinned between us. "Oh Princess," he moved back before he kissed her forehead. "Daddy didn't mean to squish you against mommy." Alexis held out her arms to him and he took her up.

With my arms now empty, I found myself wrapping them around me. Lowering my head, I stared at the floor for a moment and then squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to hide the disappointment that I felt when he didn't kiss me.

I felt Reed's hand on my arm moments before he said my name. I shook my head and mumbled something about checking on dinner before I escaped into the kitchen.

I stayed in there for a while, I wish I could say I was busy doing stuff but for the most part I was just avoiding going back into the living room where Reed and Alexis were going through the stuff that he had put on the couch when he arrived; Easter stuff from him and both our parents.

When I started to pull the dishes and silverware out of the cupboard Reed came out into the kitchen, "Is there anything you'd like me to do?"

Yes! My mind screamed, hell my whole body screamed that but I shook my head. "No I have everything under control." I went to go past him to set the table when he stopped me.

"Why don't you let me do that?" He took the dishes from me, which really wasn't that hard and the headed for the table. I went to retreat back into the kitchen. "Amber, the stuff on the couch is for you."

I made my way over to the couch, sat down and looked at the two remaining baskets. "Both of them?" I asked him as he sat down across from me. He nodded, so I picked up the first basket and undid the wrap. There was a medium sized stuffed bunny with light brown fur, he was holding a carrot in his hands and the year was stitched into his left foot. I smiled as I ran my finger through his soft fur before I put him aside to see what else was in the basket. Alexis had crawled over to me when she saw the bunny and once I put him down on the couch, she grabbed for it, pulling him down to the floor with her.

Reed reached down to pick her and the bunny up. "You know that's mommy's right?" He asked once she was settled on his lap, Alexis just giggled and threw her arms around the bunny as if to say, that's what you think daddy.

I watched them for a moment and then turned my attention back to the chocolate that filled the remainder of the basket. There were Eggies, a crispy bunny, Caramilk eggs, Turtle eggs, Smarties eggs, Mars eggs, a couple packages of Peeps and a few more of my favourite things. This basket was the first thing I've gotten for any holiday since I've moved out on my own so I tried really hard not to let the tears that had formed spill down my cheeks as I put that basket aside and took the other one that Reed handed to me.

The basket was wrapped in clear Easter wrap, through the bunnies and the eggs on the wrap I saw all my favourite bath products along with my favorite candles and a three pack of Easter tub toys, I chuckled at the last one. I didn't open this basket, not because I didn't want too but because I couldn't. There was only one person who really knew all my favorite things from the chocolate down to the bath stuff. "Who are these from?" I turned to Reed.

He shrugged, "Does it really matter who they are from Amber?"

"They are both from you, aren't they?" He didn't have to answer that, I knew it was the case. I closed my eyes tight to shut out the hurt that washed over me knowing that my parents sent Alexis something but didn't bother to send me anything, not even a card. "Thank you Reed," I whispered as I opened my eyes to look at him again.

Reed took one look at me and slid down the couch to me, his arm wrapped around my back as he pulled me to his body. "Don't Berrylynn, please don't," he whispered against my ear as the tears started to flow. "They didn't forget about you honey I swear, they asked me to make sure you knew that they love you."

I shook my head, "I should be used to this, they never send me anything."

"Amber," he sighed as his other hand left Alexis and slipped to my chin, turning my face up to his. I closed my eyes once again as his thumb wiped through the tears on my cheek. "They knew I had all that for you, they didn't know what else to give you."

I lifted my hand to his, "You don't have to make excuses for them Reed. I'm just happy they remembered Alexis. Now, if you'll excuse me I better go take the chicken out before it burns." We both knew I was only telling half truths, it did hurt that they didn't send anything for me but I was happy they sent stuff for Alexis, and that's better than anything they would've ever sent to you, I told myself.

At dinner, there wasn't much of anything said until we discovered that Alexis refused to eat the baby food I tried to feed her because she wanted our food. I got up and put some of the carrot and potato that we were having and put them into a bowl for her. After I showed it to her, I then mashed them up for her as she watched, wide eyed. "I can't believe this," I exclaimed when she finished the last bit that was in the bowl. "She ate it all," I showed the bowl to Reed, he smiled and told her she did good. But she wasn't satisfied, she grabbed for the bowl, stared inside and then looked at me questioningly.

When I went to get up to get her some more, Reed stopped me. "Why don't you let me do that so you can eat your dinner while it's still warm." He took the bowl and got her some more and showed her just like I did. He fed her until she started to bat at the spoon, letting him know she had enough. He gave her some toys to play with and them got up to get himself more.

I had thought I cooked too much, but when I went to do the dishes I realized that there wasn't anything left. "It was amazing Amber," Reed told me while he rolled up his sleeves to help with the dishes.

I couldn't help but smile. "Thank you Reed."

"And," he took the dirty plates from me. "Now that Alexis is sleeping, why don't you go and enjoy that basket of bath products? I'll clean up here."

He didn't have to tell me twice, I damn near ran into the bathroom with the basket, I was dying to take a relaxing bath ever since I saw the basket. After the water was perfect and all the candles were arranged, I slipped my body into the bath. Ahhhhh, yes!

I don't know how long I was in there for, I think I fell asleep because the next thing I knew Reed was knocking frantically on the door. "Amber? Are you ok?"

I jumped out of the tub and wrapped my towel around me as I made my way to the door. Yanking it open, I stared up at him. "What? What's wrong?"

I could see all the tension drain from his body, "Nothing's wrong now. When you didn't answer me, I got worried." He was looking everywhere but at me when he spoke. "I'll just let you go back to what you were doing."

I watched him turn away hesitantly before I called out his name. When he turned back I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Thank you for making this Easter special for Alexis and for me." I stretched up to kiss his cheek but changed my mind at the last second, I kissed him on the lips instead.

"Amber," Reed groaned against my lips. "Darling you are making it very difficult for me to do what you asked right now."

"I'm sorry," I told him as I wrapped myself from him. I knew he was right, I wasn't making it easy for him to move on with his life. And part of me didn't want it to be easy for him, that part of me didn't want him to be with anyone else, ever.

He left shortly after that, and I knew it was for the best but I couldn't help but feel sad that he was gone.

Monday he came over to see Alexis and spent most of the day concentrating on her. And I hated every moment of it. When she went down for a nap, I tried to get him to stick around by telling him I had something I wanted to show him but he told me he had something he had to do.

He came back to saw goodbye to Alexis and then he was gone again.

Reed has phoned everyday since to talk to Alexis and to see how she's doing but he didn't stay on the phone very long.

The last couple days are dragged, Alexis and I have gone for walks, played and laughed together but it seemed like there was something missing from our lives now.

This morning I almost jumped for joy when there was a knock at my door. I didn't care who it was, I just needed to speak to someone who wasn't a baby.

"Miss Amber Lynn Sands?" The handsome man who stood just outside my door asked when I opened it to him.

"Yes," I nodded.

He smiled, "I just need you to sign here." He pointed to the clipboard that he was holding. I took the pen he offered and signed my name, he passed me an envelope and wished me a good day before he disappeared down the stairs.

Puzzled, I closed the door and make my way over to the couch where Alexis was playing with the bunny Reed gave me for Easter. I stared at my name on the front of the envelope, it looked like Reed's handwriting and that kind of scared me. He didn't say he was sending you anything, what could it be? I looked at the envelope again, he was big enough to hold documents, legal documents. Oh God! I glanced at Alexis, he wouldn't! He told me he wouldn't.

I ripped open the envelope and pulled out the paper inside. There was a note from Reed on top of the papers.

Amber,

I didn't realize that I had missed something. I hope that you'll forgive me. Check out the information enclosed and let me know if it's to your liking. If not, we'll work something out.

Reed

I stared at the note, and then flipped through the papers that were with it. "Oh my god!" I exclaimed as I looked into the envelope again and found what I was looking for.

I grabbed Alexis off the couch and ran towards the door. I was down the first flight of stairs before I realized that I left my door open. I quickly ran back upstairs and grabbed a couple things before I locked the door and headed down again.