Why Haven't I Heard From You?

I am so mad right now, there are no words to describe how mad I am. I feel cheated and lied to and...I really wish I could crawl into a dark corner and hide from the world. Only my world knows how to crawl and she can find me anywhere I go!

That's not fair though, I'm not mad at my daughter. I'm mad at her father and her grandfather...argh! Everyone! Why couldn't they all just leave me alone? Was ignoring me and Alexis eating away at their conscious that much that they had to come into my life again and start all this crap that is just stressing me out. I don't know which way is up anymore, I feel like the blanket has been ripped out from under me and things will never be the same again.

Of course, I'm sure I'd be making more sense if I stopped ranting and explained what happened. So here goes it.

This morning I got a call that I certainly wasn't expecting.

"Good Morning, can I speak to Reed Johnson please?"

There is no describing the look that must've been on my face when the woman asked for Reed. "I'm sorry you must have the wrong number."

"Hmm," the lady on the other end must have been looking at some papers because I heard some rustling. "This is the renter of apartment 70 in Crossing Towers, isn't it?"

"Who is this?"

"This is Isabel from the rental office, I need to speak to Mr Johnson."

"I'm sorry Reed doesn't live here, he never did."

"Oh," the lady sounded confused. "I'm fairly new to this job so I don't know all the renters yet."

"Can I ask why you need to speak with him?"

"Well, when your lease was renewed there was a rent increase of $100 per month. Mr Johnson's rent cheques are still for the old amount."

I chuckled in disbelief, "I'm sorry. What did you just say?"

"I said there is an outstanding amount owing on your rent of $100. And looking through Mr Johnson's postdated cheques here, it looks like all of them were made out for the wrong amount."

"You must be joking, my rent isn't paid by Reed. It should be paid by Carl Sands." This can't be happening!

More paper rustling, "Nope by the looks of my records all the rent on apartment 70 has been paid by Reed Johnson since the time the lease was first signed. Do you have a number where I can call Mr Johnson?"

"Ummm, can I just come down and pay the remaining balance and I'll get this straightened out for next month?" Isabel said that would be ok. So after I got off the phone I quickly ran down to the office and paid the money.

When I got back in I was fuming. Reed has been paying my rent all this time? Why didn't my parents tell me? No, there has to be some mistake! I grabbed the phone and dialed my parents' number and five minutes later I was talking to my mother.

"I got an interesting call this morning," I told her. She didn't really seem that interested in it. "It was from the rental office here, telling me that Reed's rent cheque was made out for the wrong amount."

I waited for her to tell me they lied but she didn't, she said. "Oh dear I forgot to tell your father to remind him about the increase."

"MOTHER!"

"What Amber?" She asked so nonchalantly.

"WHY IS REED PAYING MY RENT?????"

"Amber honey, you have to stop yelling, it isn't lady-like at all!"

I took a deep breath and counted to ten. "Mother," I spoke through clenched teeth. "Why is the man that denied me and my baby paying rent on an apartment that my father told me he was paying for?"

"What are you talking about Amber? You knew Reed was paying the rent."

"NO I DIDN'T!" I screamed and slammed the receiver down.

Ok, that probably wasn't the best way to handle that call but I was really mad. And can you guess what I did next?

That's right I called Reed.

"Hello?"

"How long were you going to go without telling me? How many lies and half truths do I have to find out about from strangers?"

"Amber? Darl-"

"NO!" I cut him off. "Shut up, just shut up and listen to me. You say you want in Alexis life, so I let you come here and spend time with her. You keep acting like you want a second chance with me or maybe you just don't want me to hate you, I don't know. You had the chance to explain and talk about the past 16 months but you didn't. You had the chance to clear up some grey areas but you didn't. What the hell are you thinking Reed? Why are you playing these games with me?"

There was silence for such a long time that I didn't know if he had hung up or not but finally he said something. "Care to tell me what I did now that has you so mad?"

"WHY ARE YOU PAYING MY RENT?" Ok, I'll be the first to admit that I have no patience. It isn't good to yell at someone, they don't normally tend to be all that helpful when you do.

"Why don't you call me when you are calmer? I'm not talking to you like this."

"Don't you dare hang up on me!"

Reed sighed, "Amber I really think we need to sit down and talk. Really talk."

"I'm listening."

"No Amber, there are some things that can't be said over the phone."

I laughed, "Nice to know how serious you are about clearing the air. I'm tired of wasting my time Reed."

I hung up.

That right, I hung up on him. He was in the middle of saying something and I dropped the phone back into it's base. I know it wasn't that grown up of me and now I regret it but at the time it felt like the only thing I could do.

But I had expected him to call back.

He didn't.

And that pisses me off even more.