Addition To The Fold

I was going to write sooner but it's been a busy day for me. I still can't believe that it's been a year since Alexis came into this world, I spent all day going back and forth between being really happy and then being really sad. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Reed tried to be supportive and help me but I didn't want to talk to him, I wanted my mom.

I left Alexis with Reed and told him I would be back in a little while, I think he was happy to see me go because he didn't seem to know what to do. When I told my mom what was going on, she suggested that it had something to do with Alexis being a year old. "When you turned a year old, I felt the same was you do right now," she told me. "In my case it was because I wanted another baby but no matter how hard your father and I tried, it just wasn't in the cards."

So that gave me something to think about, did I want another baby? Was that why I was so sad over Alexis turning 1?

I wasn't sure when I left my mom's today but when I got home and saw Reed on the floor still trying to get Alexis to walk on her own, I knew that wanting more child was part of it. What was the other part? I don't know, I have nothing to be sad about, I have a great life, I love my job and my man is the most wonderful man in the world.

"Amber I think she might finally take those first steps," he said excitedly the second he saw me. "Could you sit over there," he pointed to a spot just a couple feet from him.

I can't even tell you the number of times we did this exact same thing every single week, we would try for a while but she just wouldn't move when we let go, she would fall onto her bum and look up at us like we were crazy for even thinking she was going to walk...ever!

But I did what he asked, why? Because I loved seeing the excitement in his eyes whenever he gets to bond with Alexis.

Kneeling down on the floor across from him, I gave them both a smile before holding out my hands to Alexis. "Are you going to come to mommy snuggle bug? Are you going to celebrate your birthday by showing daddy and I that you can walk? That you are inde..." My smile slipped when I started to say independent, I realized that was one of the biggest problems with me; Alexis was getting older and doing things on her own, I was feeling a little useless.

I know that sounds crazy, she will always need me but just thinking about how she will continually gain independence from me made me cry. Reed and Alexis were staring at me like I had lost my mind, I wanted to tell them what it was but I couldn't get the words out. Reed let Alexis go to come over to me with a box of tissues, "Honey please don't cry," he begged as he pulled me into his arms. "I don't know what to do when you don't tell me what's wrong."

I tried to calm down enough to tell him but before I could, we heard Alexis call out. It was as if the world slowed down, we turned in unison to see if she was ok, she was still standing where Reed left her. Her little knees were bent a tiny bit as she held out her arms to us, she grunted again as we were watching her and then, she did it! She moved one foot ahead slightly, wobbled like she would fall over but remained standing! That seemed to give her a little more confidence, she moved her other foot ahead, wobbled once again and gave us a huge grin when she was still standing.

I'm not sure how long it look her to close the distance between us and her but she did it! I couldn't believe it! I glanced up at Reed once Alexis was in my lap, hugging me and babbling away, he had this shocked but proud look on his face and his eyes were glistening from his unshed tears.

It was a happy evening for us. We kept setting Alexis up to walk and with every step she took, she became more and more confident.

When we put her to bed tonight, Reed told her (again) how proud he was of her. "Daddy can't wait to tell everyone!"

And he meant it too, the moment we left Alexis' room, he headed for the phone to call his parents and mine!

"They are all jealous that they didn't get to see it," he told me after he finished his last call and joined me on the couch.

"I'm just glad you were here to see it," I snuggled up with him. "I'm glad that we got to share this milestone."

"Me too," he squeezed me tight. "I was afraid I would miss this one like I did with all the others."

I nodded, "I know it doesn't make up for lost time but at least you know you'll be there for it all with our next one." He didn't say anything so I glanced up at him only to find him staring at me with his jaw opened wide.

I didn't realize until he regained his voice that he thought I was telling him that I was pregnant. Shaking my head, I told him that I meant when we were ready to bring another baby into our lives. "Besides," I smiled. "Your grandmother told me that we had to be married before we give her any more great grandbabies."

"We don't have to be," he told me. "If you don't want too."

"We don't?"

"No," he answered. "We don't have to marry if you don't want too; I'm just happy that you are back in my life."

I pulled away from him, sat up and faced him. "What if I want to marry you?"

He seemed a little surprised that I asked him that, in fact he didn't seem to believe that I wanted to marry him. "You want to marry me?"

"YES!" I exclaimed. "I've wanted to be your wife since the first couple weeks after we started to date!"

The majority of our conversation up until I started this post was about us getting married and having more babies. It was probably the best conversation we've had in a while and it actually helped me get out of the mood I was in. Planning our future, together, something that I never thought would happen when I lived on my own.

The only time Reed and I disagreed was when I dropped the bomb that I didn't want to go to school, he was upset. "I thought you wanted it darling? I thought you wanted to be more than a wife and a mother? To show Alexis that she can do whatever she wanted no matter what others said?"

"I do," I told him. "I want all that but I don't know if I can handle going back to school Reed, I hated the classroom setting when I had to go to school."

The conversation got a little heated for a couple minutes, Reed telling me that I would regret it and possibly blame Alexis or him if I didn't go through with what I had planned when I moved back here. "And besides, didn't Charlie give you the job to help you with that dream? Will she still employ you if you don't go to school?"

"I spoke to her about it already," I told him. "I mentioned that I wasn't sure I wanted to go to college for the course and she suggested if it was the idea of 'school' itself, then maybe I should look into correspondence courses."

"They have correspondent courses for Early Childhood?" He seemed a little relieved that I wasn't completely backing away from my dream. "Will you have enough time and focus to do the course here at home?"

"Yes," I told him without even hesitating. "I really want this Reed and I'll do the best I can; I just don't want to go sit in a classroom for hours every day." I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I knew that he would help me out with anything he could.

****

Like I said already, part of the reason Madeline wanted to have lunch with me was to talk about how things were going with us. It was actually the main reason she requested lunch with me. I was filling her in on how Alexis was doing at day center when she stopped me. "AmberLynn, I have to be honest I really want to know how long it will be before you and Reed walk down the aisle."

"What?" I almost choked on my water.

"I believe that it's time for you to seriously think about your future with my grandson. I know that you want to take it slow because he hurt you before but I believe it's time for Reed to step into the role of 'husband'." I started to tell her it was really none of her business but she continued, "Now unlike my son, I'm not about to force Reed to marry someone he doesn't love. All I'm saying is I don't see why you two have not discussed marriage or why his ring isn't on your finger already; you love Reed and I know he loves you, what is holding you both back?"

I couldn't believe that she was saying this, from the moment I met her she always agreed with my view, she never once tried to force me to be or do something. "Madeline," I took a sip of water before I continued, I needed a moment to think of something to say. "Reed and I are happy with the way our relationship is progressing. Although we haven't talked about marriage directly, I'm confident that we will when the time is right for us. We are just getting to know each other again, we both want to take this one day at a time because we know how much it hurts not to be together. Reed knows that I love him and I want to be with him just like I know he feels that way about me, we'll take a step in the marriage direction when we are ready for it."

Madeline was silent for a moment as she thought about what I said. Finally she said, "I would strongly encourage you to be married before a second child comes along."

I asked her why she would say that but she told me she didn't have a specific reason, she just would rather that she didn't have too many illegitimate children in her family tree.

"There's nothing wrong with having a baby out of wedlock," I told her. "Some times it's better if the father isn't around."

"Reed is a great father," Madeline snapped at me. It was probably the first time she's ever snapped at me.

"I know he is! I see him every day with Alexis, I see how happy they are together and I see that it doesn't matter to him that we weren't married when we had her! If we happened to get pregnant before we get married, if we ever do get married, then he will love that baby just as much!"

"Of course he will," Madeline replied. "I just believe there is no reason for that to happen."

"Don't try to force this Madeline, I don't want Reed to ask me to marry him just because someone else thinks it's time he got married. When Reed is ready to ask, he will."

Madeline let the subject drop after I said that but I had a feeling she would be talking to Reed soon about the whole marriage thing. He hasn't mentioned it yet, so I don't really know if she did but it's only a matter of time.

We spent the remaining minutes of of lunch talking about Sean and how he figures into the family now. "I get the feeling that he won't fit in very well," she told me. "He seems to be more of his own person than Reed is, I don't see him slipping into the role that Roger and Lucinda hope he'll slip into."

I agreed 110% with that, Sean wouldn't fit into the world that we lived in and he didn't really want too; he as already admitted to Reed and I that money and power mean nothing to him. It actually seemed that he was disappointed that his real family had so much. It was weird but I understood where he was coming from, sort of. I may not have to work to survive or live from pay check to pay check but there was a time where I did. Even if it was for only a couple months until my parents came to get me. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but it was also the best time of my life, just knowing I could do it. I don't know if that makes sense.

Lunch ended on a pretty good note, Madeline save the best part for last, she was moving back into town! "I haven't told any one yet," she told me. "So please don't tell Reed, I want to tell him personally."

I agreed to keep it a secret until this Sunday when we were all getting together for Alexis' birthday, Reed and I wanted the actual day of her birthday to ourselves; my parents have tomorrow.

And every single kid that goes to day care with Alexis have Saturday! That's right, I caved, I ended up inviting every one of the kids; I didn't want to have anyone thinking that I thought their kids weren't good enough to play with my daughter. Reed was really excited when I told him I invited all the kids.

****

The dinner party that we had planned didn't end up happening, an hour before everyone was supposed to come over, I got a frantic call from Chris, Kelly's water broke. "I'm sorry," he repeated over and over again.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked him, "It's not like you had anything to do with it happening." I wanted to added, 'right?' but I didn't.

"No I didn't," he hesitated and then told me that technically he did. "Kelly just wanted the baby to come out already," he said. "She'd been doing everything she's ever heard to induce labor but it wasn't working."

"I thought she was only eight months pregnant?"

Chris laughed, "She was due last week! Her doctor set up to induce her by the end of the week if the baby didn't come on his own but Kelly doesn't want to have the baby that way, she wants him to come on his own. That's why she had me getting her all different types of tea, oils and food like her doctor suggested but nothing was happening. We tried acupressure, walking, visualization/relaxation but none of that worked either."

"Then why do you think this was your fault?"

"Umm..." he chuckled uncomfortably but he didn't answer me. I started to ask him what was going on when I remembered one method that he didn't mention, one that my doctor told me when it was getting close to my due date - sex.

"Oh my God! Chris! You didn't!"

"Yes!" He exclaimed. "Kelly kept bugging me about it, I didn't want too because we hadn't...you know...I didn't want that to be the first time we...did." He sighed. "We didn't...you know...finish..."

I wasn't sure I wanted to know any more but in the back of my mind, I was curious how far they did go. "Wait a minute," I said suddenly. "Why are you calling me? Why aren't you bringing her to the hospital?"

"We are at the hospital." He told me he was in the waiting room because he couldn't handle the sight of blood. "Kelly is alone in there and I feel like an ass."

"Kelly is in the delivery room all alone?" I started to feel sick, being alone sucked. I told Chris I would be there in a couple minutes, I wanted to be there for them.

Before I hung up, Chris asked if I would call Devon. "Kelly promised him she would let him know when she went into labor and I don't happen to know his number off hand." I listened closely to see if there was a hint of resentment in his voice but he didn't seem to mind Kelly's relationship with Devon. I wanted to ask him what the deal was but he wanted to go see if he could get an update on Kelly.

After I called Devon to tell him Chris called me, Reed and I packed Alexis up and went down the hospital.

It would be another couple hours before 8lb3oz baby Gabe entered the world and about a hour after his birth we were allowed to visit Kelly.

Chris was already in Kelly's room when we walked in, he was sitting on her bed with her, whispering to her and Gabe; he looked so happy, they all looked so happy. Especially Kelly, even though she did look like she was about ready to pass out.

When Devon and Chris finally let go of the baby long enough for me to finally hold him, Alexis, who was up with Reed, started to cry and wanted to get up with me. "Oh Lexi," Reed tried to calm her. "Mommy is just holding Gabe, she isn't going to keep him."

I gave Reed a grin and he frowned, "At least I don't think she's going to keep him."

"I don't think I'll get far," I told him. "Your mommy wouldn't let you out of her sight long enough, would she Gabe?" Gabe wasn't paying attention to me, he was pretending to sleep. Alexis didn't care, she still wanted to get up with me, so I ended up giving Gabe back to Kelly.

By the time we left, Alexis wasn't as upset to see Reed or me hold Gabe as she was at first, I think it had something to do with me sitting with her on my lap as I held Gabe. At first she didn't want anything to do with him but before too long she was 'talking' to him and giving him kisses.

Chris brought Kelly home from the hospital Wednesday morning and he's been calling me almost every hour since to ask me some question about babies and new moms. I think it's cute that he's so involved with everything going on with Kelly and Gabe but Kelly told me that she's starting to feel smothered.

"I really like him," she told me. "I love that he wants to help me with Gabe and that he is concerned about me but I need some space Amber. How do I tell him that without hurting his feeling?"

I didn't know what to tell her, I told her to try talking to him about it but she wanted something to say to him, word for word.