It Should Be A Good Thing!

I was sitting in the middle of DWs last night with Cary, debating whether or not we were going to play a game of pool or just sit and hang out when my cell phone rang. "It's Devon," I told him after looking at the caller id before flipping my phone open.

The waitress came by to see if we needed anything else as I said 'hello', Cary asked for another drink for the both of us.

"I take it that was Cary," was the first thing Devon said to me.

"Wow, it's nice to hear your voice too," I replied sarcastically.

Devon ignored it. "I had hoped that you would be free to come join me for a few hours now that I'm home but I guess there's no chance of that now."

I wanted to join him but I'll be damned if the way he said that made me angry. "Well would you blame me?" I asked him. "It's not like you are making it sound like you really want me there."

The waitress bought our drinks, which surprised me, I had forgotten that Cary was sitting across from me. My stomach turned when I looked up to find him staring at me, with a smile on his face.

I didn't want him to be smiling! I wanted him to mind his own business. And yes, I did want to see Devon but damn it! I'm stubborn!

"Why don't you come down here?" I challenged him.

"Hell no!" He snapped. "I'm not in the mood to see that little pissant or to watch you flirt with him. I'm tired and I want to relax in my own home, with my girl. Do you think that's possible?"

"Not with the way you are talking to me, it's not." Inside I was singing from hearing him say I was his girl.

"Janie," he groaned. "Please come over."

"I just got a new drink," I told him. "It would be rude for me to leave it without attempting to drink it." I really didn't care about the drink but those words were ones I heard from him a number of times when we had dated before.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'm going to bed." Click.

"Fucker," I snapped my phone closed.

"Something wrong?" Cary sounded concerned but the look in his eyes didn't match his voice.

"No," I grabbed my purse. "I have to go," I told him as I slipped out of the booth we've been occupying for the last couple hours.

"Have to?" He stood with me. "Devon demanding you leave at once and glue yourself to his side?"

"No!" I glared at him. "Devon doesn't tell me what to do! I want to go, it's getting late and I have to work in the morning."

Cary glanced at his watch. "It's only nine Janie."

"I know," I told him. "Just don't ask, I want to go home."

"Ok," he grabbed my jacket and held it up for me to slip into. "If you ever need to talk," he said as he helped me into my jacket. "Just give me a call, I'll listen."

"Things are fine Cary," I flashed him a smile.

"Are they really?" He slipped his jacket on as I nodded. "Ok," he motioned towards the front. "If you say so but I have to tell you, I'm starting to wonder because you spend an awful lot of time with me."

I didn't say anything to that, I knew it was true, I have been spending a lot of time with him. I hate to admit it but I was doing it because he was doing something Devon wasn't, he was paying attention to me, showing me that he really liked spending time with me.

I left DW's last night with the plan to go straight home but once I got on the road, I found myself driving to Devon's place.

The whole time it took me to drive to his place and walk to his front door, I rehearsed what I would say to him.

But ten minutes later, I wanted to scream and cry because I was still standing on his door step waiting for him to answer his door. He never came to the door, he didn't answer his phone when I called him either.

And his car was sitting in front of the building.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I told myself that I deserved it if he was snuggling up with another woman already, I certainly wasn't giving him an signs that he would be snuggling up to me anytime soon.

I know everyone thinks I'm nuts for my behaviour when it comes to Devon but damn it let's face it, he's never been faithful to a woman in his entire life and he hasn't lowered that wall around his heart to let me in enough to feel that I really mean something to him.

I don't want to play this game with him. I don't want to be hurt again. I know I'm holding him at arm's lenght and waiting for him to show me a reason not too is probably getting in the way of whatever happiness I could have with him.

I'm scared....oh...hold on a second, I have a delivery.

OH MY FREAKING GOD! You all should see the bouquet of flowers I have sitting on my desk at the moment! OH MY GOD!

Yes, I'm at work, it was a boring day so I decided to post here to kill some time.

The flowers, I love them. I was going to call Devon to tell him I loved them but Joey stopped me, she found the card that came with them. "You didn't see Devon last night, did you?" She's my closest friend at work, I told her about my night when I came in this morning.

"No, why?"

"I don't think you want to be calling him then," she cleared her throat and read the card. "Thank you for last night."

"What??" I ripped the card from her hands. "Noway, these have to be from Devon! Cary wouldn't..." I read the words and my heart dropped. "No," I sunk back into my chair. "What have I done?"

Joey has gone out to run an errand and I just spent the last couple minutes staring at the beautiful bouquet of white & pink roses, nestled in a bed of baby's breath and mauve lilacs. I wanted so badly for these flowers to be from Devon, I went online to look up the meanings of all of them.

Let's just say, according to the site I looked at...I think Joey is right, Devon couldn't have sent them....

Roses - white & pink....I love you still and always will...
Lilac, mauve...do you still love me?
Baby's Breath...happiness

Damn it! damn it! DAMN IT!

I think I'm in trouble here.