Just Going Along

My week started out pretty good, with a holiday. There's nothing wrong with having a long weekend, I love it when I have three days off but, is it just me, or does a four day work week seem to drag out much more than a normal 5 day week?

I wasn't planning on doing anything for Thanksgiving, my mom hasn't been in the mood for holidays since my dad left, so I figured that I would just ignore the day; not that sitting at home watching my mom get drunk and go off on how much my dad ruined her life - how she gave up everything for him and he never gave her a damn thing - was exactly the most exciting thing in the world to do.

Amber had invited me to join in her Thanksgiving with Reed's and Sean's family but seriously? Who wanted to be there for that? I didn't see it going well at all, it couldn't, they were family and doing something with family was the best way to ruin a holiday. I have to say, I admire Amber for taking all that on, hosting Thanksgiving for your man's newly discovered brother? Wouldn't be me, that's all I have to say. And while I think she was crazy for doing it, I understand that she wanted too so that Sean wouldn't feel like he didn't belong, so he wouldn't leave.

I also had another invitation, Cary invited me to go to his grandparents for Thanksgiving with his family. I told him that it would be uncomfortable considering that we weren't together anymore and they all knew how I cheated on him with Devon while we were engaged.

"It doesn't matter," he tried really hard to convince me of that but in the end, I declined. He asked me if I was sure. "I don't want you to spend Thanksgiving alone," he told me. When I told him I wouldn't be alone, that mom would be there, he just gave me this look that spoke volumes.

Devon had mentioned something about his family's yearly reservation at the club Sunday night when I saw him but he never outright asked me to be there. Hell, he didn't even hint that he wanted me there. With things a little stained between us, I wasn't about to assume that he wanted me to be there.

Monday morning, I was seated at my kitchen table, bored out of my skull. I didn't think not doing anything for Thanksgiving would get to me but as I sat there with a tub of Smartie Ice Cream in front of my and a big spoon in my hand, I really wanted to cry.

"I'm very thankful to you Nestle," I said bleakly as I scooped out a spoonful and held it up to my mouth. "Screw eating them last; I eat the red ones with a lot of ice cream."

I was on my third spoonful when I heard a thump from upstairs, but I didn't even bother to check it out, mom was sleeping off another 'headache'.

"Who needs turkey when you have a tub of ice cream to keep you company?" I wondered out loud. "And it's a lot cheaper too!"

Ok, so I was miserable. I wanted to call Amber up to tell her that I would be over, if the offer still stood. Hell, I was even thinking that it wouldn't be too late to call Cary and see if I could tag along with him. I was damned if I was going to call Devon.

By the fifth spoonful, I stared down at the ice cream and sighed, might as well get fat. I was about to dig in for the sixth spoonful when a knock sounded at the door. I was going to ignore it because I wasn't expecting anyone but the knocking continued.

I made my way through the living room to the front door. "What?" I snapped as I flung the door open.

"Hey there ba - why aren't you ready?" Devon looked horrified as his eyes travelled down over my old pj pants and ratty t-shirt. "You can't go to the club looking like that!"

"I'm not going to the club," I told him. "So what does it matter what I wear?"

"Janie!" I had turned away from him, he closed the door and followed me back to the kitchen where I picked up my spoon again. "What are you doing? You are going to ruin your appetite," he took the spoon from me. "Look, just go upstairs, shower, change, whatever you have to do. It's getting late, we have to be there in a half hour."

"I don't have to be anywhere," I yanked the spoon from him. "I wasn't invited."

"Weren't invit...Janie! I told you last night we were going to the club with my parents." He pulled out a chair and sat down. "Come on baby don't do this today, please?"

I was feeling very defiant but I was also feeling a little alone and depressed from sitting there by myself. "Ok," I handed him back the spoon. "I'll go but you really have to work on your 'invitations' because telling me that your parents are having dinner at the club like they always do it a hell of a lot different than asking me if I would like to join your family for Thanksgiving."

I didn't give him a chance to say anything, I was on my way towards the stairs. "Oh," I turned to him. "Don't eat all my ice cream while I'm in the shower."

We arrived at the club a little later than he wanted too. "Come on," he motioned to me as he spotted his parents in the busy restaurant.

He started to walk on but I stopped, I hadn't been to the club that much, I was feeling a little nervous about walking in there. "Devon," I called after him. "Please wait a minute."

"We're late," he told me but he did stop.

"I know," I told him as I stared up into his handsome face. "How do I look?"

His lips turned up into a slight grin as his eyes trailed down over the baby blue satin dress that clung to every curve of my body. "You look good," he told me when his eyes came back up. Well up as far as my breasts anyway. "Come let's go." He started on his way once again but stopped when he realized that I wasn't following. "What's wrong now?"

"Nothing," I started forward. "I guess it's too much to ask that you pretend you want to be here with me."

"What is that supposed to mean?" His hand circled around my arm, preventing me from going any further.

"I mean," I glanced over my shoulder at him. "You didn't ask me to come with you, you expected I would. When I get ready in the shortest time possible, you didn't even saw anything about how I looked. We get here and you don't even wait for me, you run ahead as if you are ashamed to be seen with me. Is this how it's always going to be Devon?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," he said defensively. "You wouldn't be here if I didn't want you to be. What more do you want from me?"

I stepped back from him, "What more do I want from you?" I shook my head. "I don't want anything more than you want to give me Devon."

He stared down at me for a moment before asking, "What does that mean?"

"Everyone tells me that you love me but yet every time you get a chance to show me, you don't." I gazed off over the heads of all the people in the dining room before turning to him once again. "I want you to love me Devon, I don't want to have any more of these lingering doubts," I offered him my hand. "Is that too much to ask for?"

He didn't say a word as he took my hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm.

I wish I could say that he started to show me now much he loved me after that but dinner went off without any sign of love from him than he's already done. His parents were great, they were happy to see me and excited about the fact that we were back together but inside I was hurting.

I haven't seen Devon at all since Monday, he had business out of town that kept him away. He did call me every night, to talk but we didn't seem to really talk about the main issue, we skated around it. I guess I didn't want to get into it over the phone, and maybe he didn't either. He is supposed to be getting back into town later today and he wanted to meet up with me but in true Devon style, he waited until the last minute to tell me; I had already made plans with Cary.

Which pissed Devon off.