And The Memory Remains

Do you ever have those moments when you wonder, what the hell was I thinking???? Well I've been having one of those moments since the night of the anniversary party. It all started out so nice. We got back from being pampered and getting our hair done in time to pack a bag and get ready for the party. My parents had booked a hotel room for them and one for me and Alexis so that not of us would have to worry about getting home from the party, my parents gave Edward the night off after he drove them to the hotel.

That's right, after he drove them to the party. Not me and Alexis, them. How did I get there you ask? Well I'm sure you can imagine.

I came downstairs with Alexis in her car seat in one hand and our overnight bag in the other with her diaper bag strap thrown around my neck so I didn't lose it. I was too busy watching where I was going, making sure I didn't trip when I heard Reed's voice. "Oh wow, you look beautiful." I glanced up and smiled, about to tell him thanks when he took a step forward, reaching out for Alexis. "And your mommy doesn't look too bad either," he told her.

I rammed the car seat into his stomach and walked past him asking where my parents were. That's when he told me that they were already gone to the hotel and that they'd meet us in the reception room. I was furious, "they left without us? How the hell are we supposed to get there? Walk?"

"That's why I'm here, I'm your date for tonight." He said with a grin that I just wanted to slap off his face.

"The hell you are!" I snapped at him as I headed towards the phone to call my parents.

"Come on BerryLynn," Reed grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. "Your parents asked me to make sure you and Alexis get to the hotel. What's wrong with pretending to like me for one night? You used to like me, remember?" He looked down at Alexis, "That's right Princess, mommy used to like daddy a lot."

I stared at him, I couldn't stop my eyes as they traveling down over his body. Dressed in a tux Reed was the epitome of masculinity. Sure, I wasn't happy with him and really didn't care for him but that didn't mean I was dead to his charm. Mentally, I shook myself. Don't be fooled Amber, he's still the same guy who denied your baby. He's still the same guy who called you a liar and cheat. He's still the same guy who broke your heart as he kicked you out of his life. "I remember a lot of things Reed." I hissed, "I remember the names and the denial."

Reed looked up at me, "Amber you don't know everything."

I laughed, "I know enough to know that there's no way I'm showing up at that party tonight with you. I do have some pride left, believe it or not."

In the end there was really no point in arguing, we ended up going with Reed but I told him I didn't want to see him at all after we got there. He left my side when we entered the main door and I didn't see him as I walked towards the reception room but the second I went to go in, I felt his hand on the small of my back. My very naked back. "What are you doing?" I tried to stop from going in but the guy standing at the door announcing everyone who came in saw me and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the daughter of the guests of honor Miss Amber Lynn Sands along with Mister Reed Johnson and their daughter Alexis Johnson."

Everyone stopped what they were doing, the room went totally silent. I wanted to kill everyone. The announcer guy, who the hell has an announcer guy at anniversary parties these days?? And Alexis Johnson?? Her last name is Sands! I wanted to kick Reed, who was grinning as if he just won a million dollars or ten swimsuit models. "We aren't together!" I said as I tried to pull my hand out of Reed's. "Her last name is Sands, not Johnson!" I told him. But it didn't matter what I said, everyone was already busy talking about the fact that I was there with a child that they all didn't know anything about until a couple days ago.

"Come on BerryLynn, you are making a scene." Reed tugged on my arm and led me off to my assigned seat.

The night seemed like it couldn't get worst but it did. It seemed everyone had to come over and say hi to me and see Alexis. Most said she was a beautiful baby and said my parents must be so excited that we are visiting. Others wanted to know when Reed and I were going to tie the knot. After politely telling a few that there was a misunderstanding and getting a confused look, I just stopped trying to set them straight. I just couldn't wait to get out of there and back to my regular life with Alexis.

As much as I wanted Reed to disappear, he seemed glued to my side all night. He charmed everyone that came by to say hi, he kept giving me backhanded compliments and he played with Alexis, or held her most of the night. When I slipped off to feed her, he followed me. "What are you doing?" He asked as he closed the door behind him.

"I'm going to feed her, do you mind?" He shook his head but remained where he was. "Reed go away."

"Why?" He came over to where I was sitting and sat down next to me, "Why can't I stay with you?"

I didn't want to argue with him, I had a big enough headache already. Opening the diaper bag I pulled out Alexis' blanket, arranging her and the blanket I settled in and began to feed her.

Reed stared at the blanket in disbelief, "You...oh." He lowered his head, "I didn't know."

I didn't say anything to him, I just leaned back against the chair and closed my eyes while Alexis feed. I wasn't really paying any attention when the blanket moving against my chest made me jump. Opening my eyes I stared wide eyed at Reed who was leaning in to me with his hand holding the blanket at my chest. My heart jumped in my chest at his slight touch my 'what are you doing?' came out more breathless than I expected it to.

"Alexis was moving the blanket," he told me with a slight smile on his face, he heard the breathlessness and he knew how his touch affected me.

He was too close, all I could think about was kissing him. I didn't want to think about that, it leads to trouble. Alexis was done, she wasn't sucking anymore so I pushed her towards him. Reed took her in his arms and rubbed her back, his eyes never once leaving mine. I had to get out of there, I quickly rearranged my clothes and put the blanket away. But when it came to actually getting up, I found I couldn't do it.

Reed leaned closer to me, I waited for him to give me a backhanded compliment but he didn't, his lips brushed my cheek and he whispered, 'thanks for letting me stay,' in my ear before sitting upright again.

From that moment on, every time I caught Reed looking at me, or he 'accidentally' brushed against me, or we danced together my mind started to shut down and my heart took over. By the time Alexis was ready for bed, I was so ready to get out of that reception.

My parents insisted that I let Reed walk me to my suite so he did.

He invited himself in saying he wanted to help me get Alexis ready for bed and I have to say I was really surprised when he removed his jacket and tie, rolled up his sleeves and moved me aside when I was changing her diaper. "Tell me what to do," he pleaded as he stared at all the baby stuff in confusion. With input from me he managed to change Alexis and get her cleaned up and in her pjs without any problems.

She was nodding off as he snapped the last button in place, "She is so pretty," he told me as he lifted her into his arms and began to rock her. "Do I just put her down? Or do I wait until she's asleep?" Looking over his shoulder I told him he could just put her down, she was already asleep. I wanted this, I wanted him to take an interest in his daughter but as I watched him with her, I wanted him to let me have her back. I didn't want to share her with him.

When Alexis was all snuggled up in the crib Reed led me out into the sitting area of the suite. Without argument I let him pull me down onto the couch, into his arms. "I've missed out on a lot." I nodded, "I wanted to be in her life Amber. I want her to know me." Again, I nodded. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

I shook my head.

I kissed him.

That's right, I wrapped my hand around his neck and kissed him on the lips. And not once did I stop and think what the hell was I doing. Not once did I even think for that matter.

Until I woke up naked and alone with Reed nowhere to be found.

I left the hotel and went back to my parents house. I packed up all of Alexis' and my stuff and I made Edward drive us home. I didn't leave a note for my parents and I didn't talk to them when they called Edward's cell phone.

I got home, threw my bags down, put Alexis in her crib since she was already asleep and I ran to my bathroom, stripping off my clothes as I went. As I stood under the hot spray, I scrubbed and scrubbed at my skin but I couldn't rid myself of his touch. I fell to the floor of the shower and curled up into a ball and bawled my eyes out. How could I be so stupid? How could I let him touch me again?

No matter how hard I try, I still can't rid my skin of his touch. I've tried so many times since I got home yesterday but all that I seem to do is rub my skin sore. It hurts. My skin and my heart. It hurts so much.