Don't Speak - You Just Confuse Me

At first I was really upset that Amber took it upon herself to show up at the restaurant where I was having dinner with Devon. I mean, there I was ready to tell him that it wasn't working and they walk up as if it was a surprise to find us there.

I guess for Reed it was a surprise, he was expecting to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and she was more interested in interrupting our dinner; I can't believe that he didn't lose it on her when he realized what was going on but I have to give him credit, he's really good at hiding his anger some times.

I was mad at Amber, I was going to excuse myself and pull her to the washroom to let her have it but before I could do that, I noticed something.

Devon's attitude towards me totally changed when they joined us; no longer was he stiff and cold to me! No, he had moved his chair closer to mine, wrapped his arm around the back of my chair, smiling and laughing along with them.

I was confused. My first thought was that he was putting on a show for Amber! I have to tell you now, if I ever hated my best friend, that was the moment. I sat there in my chair, with his arm around me and I wanted nothing more to reach across the table and tell Amber to go the hell home because Devon was mine.

That's right people! I was extremely jealous! How could he have a thing for my best friend? His best friend's true love?

And how could I have been so blind not to have seen it?

I'm not sure how long I sat there, fuming, thinking about every single moment that Devon showed me some real attention lately; it all seemed to be when we were with Amber. I felt so stupid, humiliated even. I wanted to throw my drink in his face and storm out of the restaurant, telling him that he could try all he wants but he would never have her.

But then I remembered the night he 'kidnapped' me and brought me to the house he was working on for Kelly; Amber wasn't there that night but he was acting like he did at the restaurant.

I was confused, I thought it was all because of Amber but there were a couple other times that he acted loving towards me and she wasn't there.

I turned to him, he smiled at me before turning his attention to Reed, who was telling some story about Alexis; I gave Reed my attention too. At the end of his story, he turned and gave Amber a kiss on the temple, like he had done a million times before, it was sweet and I know Amber loved it. I was in the middle of thinking 'why doesn't Devon do little things like that?' when he shifted beside me.

"Have I told you how wonderful you look tonight?"

His whisper at my ear surprised me to say the least, it had been a while since he was that close to me or said something like that to me. "No," I glanced up at him. "You haven't told me that."

"No?" He frowned slightly. "What was I thinking?" He lowered his head, his lips brushing against my cheek. "Janie..."

I waited but he didn't say anything. "Thanks Devon," I turned back to Amber and Reed.

Devon sighed, his breath caressed my cheek and goosebumps appeared on my arms. "There isn't a single word to adequately describe how amazing you look Janie."

Without turning to him, I raised a brow; he grunted his disapproval when I didn't look at him. I thought he was going to move away but he didn't, he pressed his lips against my neck; I had to bite my lip to keep from responding vocally to his kiss but he knew just what his touch did to me, his satisfied chuckle told me that.

An hour and a half later, I excused myself and motioned for Amber to join me. This part Amber didn't tell you about, maybe she didn't think it was important, or maybe she thought it was better if I explained it, I don't think she ever understood what I was talking about.

"Ok," I said the second the door closed behind us. "Is it just me or is something strange going on here tonight?"

"What are you talking about?" Amber disappeared into one of the stalls and closed the door; I walked into the one next to her.

"You didn't notice it?"

"Notice what Janie? How much Devon is hanging off you? Or the whispering he's doing in your ear? Or oh! The kisses he gives you?" She chuckled, "No I didn't notice those at all."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" I exclaimed. "All of that! Did you notice anything about them?"

"Ummm..." she hesitated, "...he seems to really be into you?"

I groaned.

"Well he did!"

"Yeah!" I scoffed. "Only after Reed kissed, touched, or whispered to you did Devon do any of that!"

"Oh my God Janie!" Amber laughed, flushed her toilet and walked out of her stall. "Hurry up because I have to see if you are being serious or not!"

A few moments later, I walked out of my stall and joined her at the sinks. "I'm serious Amber, the only time Devon did any of those things, was after Reed did."

"Janie..." Amber was shaking her head. "He loves you, he told me that."

Pulling my chap stick out of my purse, I popped the cap off. "Well he has a funny way of showing it! He's never that touchy feely when you guys aren't around!"

Amber told me I was being paranoid but when we returned to the table, I took notice, and again every thing Reed made a move towards Amber, Devon would wait a couple minutes and then kiss me.

We've gone out since that night, he was back to not being that touchy feely anymore.

I don't know what to think of it. I don't think I'm seeing things just because I want there to be some explanation of his behaviour. I think that he's doing it because Reed does, only I can't figure out if it's because he thinks he has to put on airs in front of our friends or if he's just taking his cues from Reed as to what he should be doing.

Could this be an act?

Or could Devon not be sure how to treat me now that he says he loves me?

I know I'm reaching here; chances are that he's just not that into me and it's all just for show.

But then why would he claim love and devotion to Amber and Reed?

Why the hell do men have to be so complicated? Why can't he just tell me what he's thinking?

Is he trying to drive me insane?