Darkness And Light

Last night Reed and I were in bed, he was reading some book that he picked up a couple weeks ago and I was curled up with my back to him as I tried to sleep - I needed sleep. It had been a long week, Alexis picked up a cold at work so she was very clingy and whiny, she didn't want to do anything but be up with me. Even Reed couldn't get her to go with him and we all know how much Alexis loves her daddy.

After a half hour of laying there listening to the voices in my head go on and on about not obsessing about whether or not he was ever going to ask me to marry him - yes, I was still thinking about it, it was continuous cycle. One minute I was all 'oh he loves me and wants to marry me, he is just waiting for the right moment', I would go on about my day but later I would be thinking 'but you told him you needed time, what if he thinks that you don't want to even talk about marriage anytime soon?'

Oh stop it! I took a deep breath and let it out. Just stop it, he knows that you love him and -

"Amber is everything ok?" I felt Reed move behind me as I froze. Oh crap, I thought. Did I say something out loud? "Amber?"

I intended on quickly glancing over my shoulder, telling him that everything was fine and then go back to trying to sleep but when I saw the concern on his face, I sighed. "No, everything isn't ok," I told him. "I need to talk to you about something,"

"Ummm," for a moment there was a hint of surprise in his eyes before the worry pushed it all away. He marked his page in the book before dropping it on his nightstand. "Ok," he turned back to me. "What's on your mind darling?"

"Well," I sighed once again as I pushed myself into a sitting position beside him. "This is probably going to sound crazy but..."

He raised a brow slightly but didn't say anything.

"See the thing is..." I bit my lip nervously as I stared at him. "Well it's just that..." I frowned, I couldn't think of a way to say what was on my mind without blurting out 'are you ever going to marry me!'

"Amber come on," he took my hand in his and held it on his lap. "Please tell me what it is, you are scaring me a little here." He chuckled as if he was joking but the look he gave me told me he was serious, I was giving him a reason to worry.

"But I don't want to worry you," I replied. "I just...I mean...well..." I stopped, gave him a slight smile and shrugged. "It doesn't want to come out coherently it seems."

"Just say whatever it is Amber."

"Well," I pulled my hand from his, ignoring the frown when I did so. I moved in as close as I could to him, my hand slipped up over his arm to rest against his cheek. "I love you so much, do you know that?"

He smiled, "I love you too Amber."

"Yeah," I beamed. "But -"

His face fell. "But?"

"No," I stopped him from saying anything else. "It's not a bad but."

"Well a but at all after I tell you I love you can't be good Amber." He started to draw away from me.

"No," I grabbed his arm. "It's not a bad thing," I insisted. "It's not!" He didn't look convinced. "This isn't going the way I want," I groaned.

He stared down at me for a couple seconds before he asked me how I wanted this to go.

"I wanted you to know that I love you," I told him. "I wanted to tell you how much you meant to me, how my life without you was dark and lonely. I don't ever want to be that way again Reed, I don't ever want to be somewhere without you." I paused but he remained quiet, his normally expressive eyes unreadable. I didn't know if he was getting what I was saying or not, I started to panic a little. "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for the love and the joy you brought into my life. You've been patient when I was determined to push you away. You've been loving when I wanted to hate you. You've been understanding when I told you I needed to do things my way when I moved back here. You've loved me despite all my efforts to destroy any chance we had together."

He stared at me when I stopped, I was sniffing as tears rolled down my face, I knew I looked like a mess. He looked like he was thinking something over. Slowly he nodded but still didn't say anything.

And then he pushed back the covers and got out of bed.

"Reed!" I cried out as he walked towards our closet. "Please don't go," I begged as I started to sob. I didn't know what was going on, I didn't think that what I told him would make him mad. What went wrong? I asked myself as my eyes remained focused on the closet where he disappeared. He can't be leaving me!

I was in the middle of jumping out of bed when he reappeared, "Don't." He said when he saw me. "Stay where you are."

"I didn't mean to upset you," I told him as he crossed the room to rejoin me. "I was just -"

He kissed me softly, "I'll take over from here my love."

"Take over?" I frowned.

He suddenly seemed really nervous. "I've been waiting for the perfect moment," he told me. "I thought I wanted everyone around us but I chickened out at your father's birthday."

"Chickened out?" I repeated in confusion.

"Yeah," he gave me a lopsided grin. "I was nervous, I thought I knew exactly how I wanted it, I thought I had the right words but whenever I saw you, I couldn't even think."

"Couldn't think?" I was lost. "Reed what are you talking about?"

"You!" He exclaimed. "I'm talking about you my darling Berrylynn. The mother of my little girl, the strong woman who took her life in her own hands and wouldn't let me have my stubborn way when it mattered the most." He chuckled. "The woman who came crashing through the bushes, crashing what had to be the worse birthday ever, only to turn my life upside down with just a smile."

"Well I..." my voice trailed off as he pulled his hand from behind his back. Holding his hand out to me, he turned it palm up to reveal a small black box. My jaw dropped, I kept looking back and forth between his hand and his eyes.

"You said all the words I was thinking," he lifted his free hand to my cheek; I closed my eyes for a moment as his knuckles brushed my skin. "I thank God for every look, every smile and every touch. I thank Him for bringing such a beautiful loving woman into my life when I had lost all hope of ever finding the perfect woman for me."

He opened the box to reveal the ring that I was drooling over that say in the mall. "Oh my," I gasped, my eyes jumped to his handsome face.

"I love you with all my heart and soul Amber. You gave me so much when I didn't think I deserved it. I want to walk hand in hand with you through this life. I want to wake up every morning and go to sleep every night knowing that I'm holding true happiness in my arms. I want..." His voice broke, he lowered his head for a brief second before lifting it again. Through the tears that lit up his eyes, he took my hand in his. "I want to hold you forever AmberLynn. Will you let me? Will you marry me my love?"

"Yes!" I wrapped my hand around his neck, pulling his head down to me. "Yes!" I cried happily as his lips captured mine.