Heading Out

Happy Mother's Day!

Oh boy, I honestly forgot that today was Mother's Day. Well, until I was woken up this morning that is. But first I'm gonna ramble about yesterday.

Once again, I went out job hunting while Reed went to put the finishing touches on the house, "We can start moving in tomorrow if you like."

I didn't say anything, I still was set on moving into my parents house and my mother was excited about it. Although, she did try to talk me into moving in with Reed for, oh, two seconds! "I can't wait until you come home!" She cried finally, "I've missed you so much! And I'll be able to spend time with the baby!" Apparently my mother took her happy pills that day.

So Alexis and I were strolling down the street, looking for 'help wanted' signs in all the windows. I had just spotted a 'wanted' ad on the reader board of the A&W restaurant and was debating if I wanted to go in and apply when I heard Devon's voice in my head. His voice was taunting me, telling me that I was a loser if I wasted my time looking for work I didn't really want to do.

"Just leave me alone!" I said out loud and then realized that I did it. Well that looked totally sane, I thought as I glanced around to see if anyone heard me. Thankfully no one was looking.

Why don't you call him? The worst that can happen is that he's full of crap and he doesn't help at all. I glanced down at Alexis who was trying to look back at me, she was rocking back and forth in the stroller like she was wondering why we stopped.

"Ok," I said as I started on my way again. I'll call him when I get home and tell him if he's lying I'll kick him.

When I got home, Reed was already there. "Hey darling," he smiled at me as he moved towards us. "Hi princess." Alexis was excited to see him, she hadn't spent that much time with him since we came back.

I saw a chance to get a free minute to call Devon. "Reed, I bet Alexis would love it if you spent some time playing with her, wouldn't you snuggle bug?"

Reed gave me a funny look but he didn't ask why I was trying to get rid of him. He told me he was thinking the same thing and was thinking about taking her to the park down the street to play. I told him that was fine and they got ready to go. "Did you want to come?" He asked, although he didn't sound like he really wanted me to go.

I shook my head, "I think it would be good if you two spent time together without me."

About ten minutes later, I was seated in Reed's office listening to the silence around me as I stared at the phone. All you have to do is pick up the phone and dial his number, I told myself.

Taking a deep breath, I did just that. But when the third ring went in, I wondered what the hell I was doing and went to hang up but someone answered, "Hello?" It was the same voice that answered Reed's cell phone the night I called him. Annette! I felt like giving her a piece of my mind for being such a bitch. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

I swallowed my anger for her and asked for Devon. "Who is this? Why do you want to talk to my fiance?"

I was about to tell her who I was when I heard Devon in the background, "Is that for me? Give it here." I heard him say, "Hello?" as Annette asked him who I was. "Hold on," Devon said before I could say anything. I listened as she asked him who it was again and almost laughed as she started to scream at him. He must have covered the phone because I couldn't quite make out what she was screaming.

Finally his voice came back over the line and the room he was in was silent. "Janie?" He asked, sounding so hopeful I almost felt sorry that I wasn't her.

"No, it's Amber."

"Oh," he was disappointed but he tried to cover it up. "I don't know where Reed is, he said he was going home."

"I know, he's out with Alexis at the moment."

"Oh, then...Amber why are you calling me?"

I sighed, great! He totally forgets what he said. "Well I thought I would see what you meant when you said you might be able to help me, job-wise."

He was silent for a moment, "Amber now really isn't a good time for me to talk. Can I call you back? Or..." his vice trailed off.

"Or what Devon?" He sounded so distracted, which wasn't like him. "Is everything ok?" I found myself asking.

"Yeah...ummm..." he sighed. "I'll call you on Monday, we'll talk more then, ok?"

I told him it was fine. Then he asked me something I didn't think he would, "Amber?" He lowered his voice, he was almost whispering into the phone. "Is Janie ok?"

"Yes," I told him.

"Can you tell me where she is?"

"You know where she is Devon."

He sighed, "I know she's at your apartment but I don't know where that is! Amber please tell me where she is, I need to see her. She's not answering when I call there; why isn't she answering the phone?"

I shrugged, not that he could see it. "Maybe she's done with you Devon."

"No," he said. "She can't be."

I shook my head, "Devon get over yourself already. Janie is over you, I know this because she's already putting the moves on another guy."

Devon didn't say anything for a while, I wasn't sure if he was still there. When I was about to ask if he was he spoke again. "I'll call you Monday." Click.

I hung up the phone and felt kind of sad. I felt that he was sad. Oh come on! I scoffed, like Devon really cares about Janie. He's probably just mad she's the one who ended it. Yeah, that's it. She ended it and he's not accepting it because he's a big dumb jerk like that.

I called Janie afterwards though, she answered on the second ring. "How many times has Devon called?" I asked her.

"Well 'hello' to you too!" Janie laughed and then said, "I think he's called about twenty times or more. Why? What's up?"

I told her about my conversation with Devon, minus the work stuff and she just scoffed. "Does he actually think I'm going to believe that he misses me?" She laughed, "If he misses anything it's the sex. Well too bad!" Although she tried to sound convincing I had a feeling she was still trying to convince herself that it was best to end it with him.

"Chris was over here again last night," she told me.

"Oh?"

"He asked me to tell you that he is really sorry about what he said, he asked me to ask you to call him. I tried to tell him that you didn't want to talk to him but he didn't want to listen." Janie sighed, "Maybe give him a call? He might stop bugging me then."

"So you gave up on getting with him?" I asked her, happy that she seemed to have forgotten about that.

"YES!" She laughed, "Like I want another guy who is hooked up on someone else. Especially when that person is my best friend."

We started talking about my job hunt and she asked me when I would be down to get my stuff. "Oh hold on, door." She said and put the phone down. I heard her talking to someone and then I heard her tell the person to stop.

"NO!" I heard her call out, "She doesn't want to talk to you!"

I didn't have time to react before I heard Chris' voice on the other end. "Amberpleasedon'thangup!"

"Did you just push your way into my apartment?" I asked him.

"Well...yeah, but I didn't touch Janie! Just ask her!" I heard Janie in the background saying she was ok, he didn't touch her.

"I don't want to talk to you Chris."

"Call me later then?" He damn near begged. "I'm really sorry about what I said Amber, I feel like such a jerk."

"You should," I told him. "I have to go. Stop harassing Janie, Chris. I don't want to talk to you so just forget about it!" I hung up on his protests. The moment I did, I hoped that Janie would be ok.

Not even five minutes later Janie called me back, "Oh my God!"

"What?" I was panicking. "Are you ok?"

"Yes!" Janie giggled, "You should've seen him! He looked so heartbroken when he hung up the phone. He turned to me and held out the phone, 'She hung up," he said in disbelief. I didn't even have to tell him to leave, he gave me the phone and walked out. He mumbled something that sounded like he was sorry as he left."

I told Janie I was happy that he left.

She told me she thought I should call him.

I told her she was crazy.

Reed came back home at that moment and I told Janie I'd talk to her later.

Later yesterday, Reed had Alexis in his office and they were playing by the sounds that came from the room. When I called him for dinner, he came out with Alexis and they both looked so happy. "What's going on?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Nothing. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing," I told him. "But I"m not the one with ink on my arm," I looked up at him.

He laughed, "Alexis got excited with the pen." He didn't add anything else.

And that was pretty much yesterday.

This morning, I woke up to Reed looking down at me. I stretched and raised a brow at him, "Good morning?"

"Good morning darling," he brushed his lips against mine. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

I shook my head, "Nope I haven't heard it at all." I joked, "Do you love me?"

He chuckled, "Yes. I do. Very, very much. In fact," he lowered his head, his lips were against my ear. "I would give anything to show you just how much, right here, right now. But..." he reached over to the nightstand and picked up the carnation that laid there. "This morning there is a little girl waiting to tell her mommy how special she is."

I frowned, "Why would Alexis be waiting to do that?" I had no clue.

Reed smiled, "Because it's her first Mother's Day with you?"

My eyes opened wide and I stared up at him, "OH MY GOD! I FORGOT!"

He chuckled at me, "Good thing we didn't. Happy Mother's Day my darling BerryLynn."

And now I have to get ready and go see both of our mothers.

We are having brunch with them.

Someone please shot me now.

The only good thing is, Reed's grandmother is going to be there!

I love that woman!

Woulda? Shoulda? Coulda?

The first thing I did he next morning when I got up was call Janie. I wanted to know how she was doing plus I wanted to talk about the house.

"Oh my god!" I said once she told me she was loving the apartment and asked how I was doing. "Reed showed me the house the other night."

"OH!" Janie laughed, "I haven't seen it completed but I saw it while they were building it, I can't believe how lucky you are! Reed was such a stickler for having everything the way you wanted. At one point I thought Devon was going to tell him to put the plans where the sun didn't shine!"

"I can't believe Reed remembered everything, I didn't think he was paying that much attention to me at the time."

Janie chuckled, "Amber he had everything written down! Devon told me one night that if Reed showed him the folder one more time he would strangle him with it."

When Janie mentioned folder, I instantly thought about the file on his computer that had my name on it. I wonder if that's what it was? House stuff? I made a mental note to ask Reed about it when he got home from work.

Janie and I were talking about the house for a while, I told her everything I saw and she told me the arguments the guys got in over the different rooms. "Listen," Janie said suddenly, her voice was low and tone was serious.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, wondering what she was going to say about the house.

"Chris came by last night," She said and I rolled my eyes. "He was surprised to see me here and looked very disappointed that you weren't." Janie sighed, "Amber he wanted me to tell him where you are, or to give him a number he could call."

"Janie, please tell me you didn't do either!"

"No of course I didn't but then he asked if I would tell you he came over. He wants you to call him, he says he needs to tell you something."

"Too bad," I told her. "I'm not interested in anything he has to say."

"What will I tell him if he asks if I told you?"

"Tell him to go jump off a bridge."

"Amber! I'm not telling him that!"

I told her she could tell him whatever she wanted, "I'm not calling him. As far as I'm concerned, if I never see him again, I'll be one very happy girl!"

We hung up not long after that. But even though I told Janie I didn't care what Chris wanted, part of me wondered.

Part of me wonders what it would've been like between us if Reed didn't come back into my life. Would we be happy together? Could he make my dreams come true?

Yesterday, during the afternoon, I went out job hunting again. And once again I found myself at the same sidewalk cafe that I applied at the day before. Alexis and I were at the same table, she was chewing on fries and I was reading the classified again.

And just like the day before, a shadow fell over the newspaper for a split second before I saw Devon sit down in the chair across from me. He didn't bother with a greeting, "So you really liked the house? Everything was the way you pictured it?"

I slowly looked up at him, "Yes Devon the house looks exactly like I dreamt it would." He sat back and smiled. "But wasn't that the idea? Wasn't that what Reed wanted?"

"Of course," Devon leaned in over the table again, "But what he said you wanted and what you really wanted could've been two different things." He shrugged, "I just wanted to make sure it suited your tastes."

"You say that like I'm hard to please Devon," the moment I said that I wanted to take it back.

"I wouldn't know anything about that," he grinned at me. "Looking for employment again?" I nodded and he scooted his chair closer to read some of the ads. "You know," he said after a couple minutes. "I don't really understand why you are doing this."

"You don't have to understand Devon, it has nothing to do with you." I didn't even bother to look up from the newspaper while I said it.

"No, you are right, it doesn't. But," he pulled the paper away from me. "You and I both know that you aren't going to find your dream job by reading the 'help wanted' ads."

"Give me back the paper Devon," I went to grab for it but he moved it away.

"There is nothing in here for the field you want to get into Amber, you are just wasting your time."

I rolled my eyes, "I need to find something Devon."

"Why?" He asked. "Why do you have to work at all? Reed is willing to pay for everything you'll ever need, why do you feel you have to work?"

"Excuse me?" I stared at him, "Aren't you the one who has been harassing me about 'using' Reed? I thought you would be thrilled to hear that your best friend isn't being 'weighted down' by a 'lazy whore' and her 'little brat'!" I jumped up from the table and moved to pull Alexis out of the high chair. "I have to go."

"Wait." Devon grabbed hold of my arm, turning me towards him. "I was just asking a question, I was wondering why you suddenly decided to take control over your life. Believe it or not Amber, my 'harassment' as you like to call it, was never meant to put you down. I never did understand why you were content to live off Reed when you had the huge dream of running your own day care center." When I gasped, he smiled.

"You didn't think I remembered, did you?" He dropped his hand from my arm, "I remember how your eyes lit up when you spoke of the center and all the stuff you wanted to do there. I just wonder when that light went out? When did you stop living?"

He started to walk away but then stopped and looked at me, "I think I can help you, if you are willing to live your dream."

I went home yesterday and all I could think about was his last words but I have no idea what he meant by that.

I want to brush his comments off and forget he said anything.

Although, I was very curious how he thought he could help.

Many times yesterday I went to pick up the phone and call him but I chickened out.

Should I call him? Should I accept help from him? Would accepting Devon's help and not Reed's, be like slapping Reed in the face?

I wanted to talk to Reed last night about it but I didn't know how to bring it up.

A Home In The Works

I couldn't wait to see the house. I told Reed as much. "Well then let me show you around," he said as he moved back from me to give me a good view of the house.

"A log house?" I have to admit I wasn't too thrilled about that.

He shook his head, "No, it just looks like one from the outside, I thought it was cool." He gave me a smile, "How about we go inside and you'll see what I mean?"

"Can I look around out here first?" I asked him.

"Of course," he told me.

The one thing that struck me right away was the silence, there wasn't any traffic at all. Well he did turn on to a gravel road, I smiled at Reed. "We aren't in town are we?"

"No," he smiled at me. "I know how much you didn't want to live in town, you wanted wide open spaces for our babies to run and play."

I hugged him, "I can't believe you remembered."

"Amber, I remember everything you told me."

"Tell me about this house Reed," I asked as I continued to look around the front yard. A private driveway winded up towards the house and circled back on itself. As you looked down the driveway you couldn't see anything but trees and the fence that could be closed and locked if we wanted it to be. Along the driveway and up towards the front of the house were flowerbeds, Reed told me that the previous owner said that daises grew there naturally.

The driveway ran along by the two car garage that was attached to the house. "They told me that you can actually get more than two cars in there; they had a boat that they stored in the winter."

I didn't pay much attention to the boat comment, I was too busy taking everything in. To the right of the garage was the house itself, it looked like it was two levels, the top level had a wrap around deck, I figured it all the rooms were on the top level and they all led out to the deck but I could only see one door. Maybe there's a hallway?

"How many rooms? And bathroom?" I asked him.

"There are four bedrooms and three bathrooms," he told me. When I turned to look at him, he told me it was best if I saw the inside to get a good idea.

"Ok, show me the inside," I bounced a little and if I wasn't hold Alexis I probably would've clapped my hands like an excited child.

He took my hand and led me to the front door of the house, only letting go of my hand long enough to unlock the door. He let me go in first after he swung the door open. The first thing I noticed was the light streaming in from all the windows. "Oh wow, it's so bright!" I exclaimed, as I walked further in.

Reed was right, it didn't look like a log house from the inside, it looked just like any other houses. The walls were white but the flooring was hardwood. Just inside the front door, if you turned to your right you would come to the wide open living room. The living room turned into the dining room, which was only separated by a half wall partition. There were two huge windows on the far wall and a fireplace across from the one window in the living room. But what catch my eye was the two fold out couches that looked slept in very recently.

"Reed?" I pointed to them and looked at him questionably.

"Oops, I guess that kinda kills the look of the place." He quickly walked over to one of the couches and tried to make it look nice.

"No," I walked over to him. "I meant, what are they doing here? Who was sleeping on them?"

Reed chuckled and dropped the sheet that was in his hand. "Oh! Why I slept on this one and Devon crashed on the other one."

I stared at him for a moment, there was two things that seemed strange about that statement. "Why were you sleeping here? And Devon?"

"Yes, Devon. He was helping me with the cleaning and the painting. Helping me get things ready to move furniture and what not in. It was easier for me to sleep here than to go back to the apartment so late at night. I've been staying here since you left," he shrugged. "It wasn't the same staying at the apartment anymore. I missed you and Alexis."

"Oh," I glanced at the couch he was standing by. "So this is where you were when I called out the other night? When I didn't get an answer?"

He nodded, "I've been here every night after work. I went home to grab some clean clothes and stuff, I ended up leaving my cell there but I didn't think it mattered because Devon was here and he let me call you from his phone." Reed frowned, "I'm so sorry I didn't get your message until it was too late."

"Why did you tell Devon he couldn't tell me where you were?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise," Reed sighed. "I guess it wasn't the best thing to do but I was hoping that I would've had everything finished by the time you came back to town."

"I wanted to show you I support you and I'm willing to do whatever you want me to do while you figure out what you want for your future."

"Oh Reed," I threw my free arm around him and hugged him tight. "I love you so much, do you know that?"

He grinned, "I'm starting to figure that out."

We stood in each other's arms for a while, we were just gazing at each other adoringly. It felt so right being there with him, I almost told him that I would move in with him instead of my parents house but I didn't. I knew that if I did that, I would always wonder if I made the right choice, if I rushed into anything.

"Care to see the rest of the house?" He asked me.

"Yes!" I exclaimed and he laughed at my excitement. He showed me the kitchen, which almost made me drool. The kitchen was just on the other side of the dining room, you could walk though it and on one side was a hallway leading to the bedrooms, and a bathroom Reed told me and the other side you would end up on the left of the front door.

In the middle of the kitchen was an island, complete with a sink and a built in lighten over it. Along the backside of the island were four black swivel stools. Across from the island was the outside wall with so much cupboard space that I couldn't even image filling it all. And if that wasn't enough, Reed showed me the walk in pantry. "Think you'll like being in this kitchen darling?" I nodded, it was all I could do. I would just imagine all the meals I would prepare in this house, I couldn't wait for the first time I got to use it.

I walked over to the stove and ran my hand over the smooth top. "I love this, I can't tell you how many times I dropped something down through the unit. And this," I pointed to the built in microwave that sat just off to the left above the stove. "I love that it's not taking up cupboard space! And," I moved across the kitchen to the fridge and pulled open both sides. "This is so cool!'

Reed laughed at me, "Well that's the idea darling."

I rolled my eyes at him as I closed the doors of the side-by-side refrigerator. "I know that Reed, I just..." I trailed off. "Oh lord I probably sound like I've never seen any of this before in my life!"

"Not at all Amber," he walked over to me, his arms slipped around my waist. "You sound like you are just really excited about our home." He kissed my temple, "I'm so happy that you are."

I touched his cheek with my free hand, "Show me more?" I kissed his jaw.

He nodded, "Ok, how about I show you the backyard before it gets too dark?" I said ok and he led me to the french door that was just off the kitchen. "Now you can go out this door, or the front and walk around, or the door that's in between the living room and the dining room." When I stopped short he laughed, "You missed that didn't you?" I told him I did and he told me he did too, the first time.

He held the door open for me and we walked out onto the back deck. The deck was enclosed, there was a nice spot to set up patio furniture. To the right there was a set of steps that led down to the back yard and...

"OH MY GOD!" I turned to Reed and stared at him. "That's the freakin' lake! The park lake!" He nodded slowly, "You bought us a house on the lake?"

"Yes, I -"

"OH MY GOD!" I ran off before he could finish what he was saying. I made it down the steps onto the grass halfway down to the lake before I stopped short. "There's another level to this house!" I forgot about the lake for a moment as I walked, no ran back towards the house. "Reed! There's...did you...oh my god! What's down here?" I walked over to the wall size window that was next to the doorway. I tried to see in but it I couldn't.

"You can't see in through the glass Amber, it's designed that way," Reed told me as he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. Once he flicked on the light, I could see what he meant, well actually I saw mine and Alexis' reflection. "Oh," I cringed when I saw how disheveled I looked. But I didn't care too much about that, I wanted to see what was on the other side of the glass.

I walked through the door and I gasped. The first thing I saw was the built in bar, I looked up at Reed, "It's not stocked," he told me. "I'm not sure if I'm going to stock it until you and Alexis are here full time." When I raised a questioning brow at him, he explained further. "I don't want to be bored and have it sitting there calling my name. Not that I'm all that tempted by alcohol anymore but I don't want to take the chance."

I nodded, he didn't need to explain, he could've just left it but I was really happy he did talk about it. "So, I was thinking." He walked into the empty room and spun around to look at me. "We could have a games room, you know pool, darts, Foosball, air hockey, maybe a card table over here and the whole time be able to stare out at the amazing scenery." He turned my attention back to the window, the sun had started to set and the moon was high in the sky.

"The moonlight on the water makes me think of that camping trip we took," Reed was now standing behind me, his arms around my waist. "Do you remember?" He nipped at my neck as he spoke, "You were so determined to stay dry, I couldn't help but scoop you up and toss you into the lake. But you got me back," his lips were on my ear now, "Didn't you my love?"

"Yes," I smiled. The night he was talking about, I was so upset that he threw me in the lake, I refused to come out until he came in, in all his clothes. Of course he said there was no way he would do that. So I slowly started to remove my clothes as I stood in the cold water. In no time at all he was rushing out to stop me, he didn't want his friends to see me naked.

In my arms, Alexis was starting to nod off. "I guess we better hurry this tour along," he said and then asked if he could hold her. Once she was comfortably in his arms, he led me to the stairs that took us back up to the main hallway, through a door I thought was a closet.

"Down here," he nodded as he walked. "Are the bedrooms," he flicked on the lights as we passed by each one. "And the bathroom." I didn't really get a chance to look at each room because he seemed to be in a hurry for something.

"Wait," I placed my hand on his arm as he kept walking. "That was only three bedrooms, where the fourth?"

Reed smiled at me, "Follow me my love." He walked to the end of the hall and turned to the right where there was an almost hidden staircase. He led me up the stairs to a darken room.

"So where is the bedroom?" I asked him.

"You are standing in it," he reached out and flipped on the light to reveal the biggest loft room I ever saw.

"Oh...my..." I walked further into the room and still couldn't believe my eyes. "This is amazing."

"I hoped you would like it," Reed walked along the wall and disappeared.

"Where did you...?" I walked over to where he disappeared and entered the third bathroom. "OH...wow," I held my hand to my mouth as I glanced around the bathroom. In one corner there was a jacuzzi tub that overlooked the backyard, "same glass as in the games room," he told me. There also was a huge shower, "big enough for both of us," he whispered against my ear.

I was so in awe of this house, it's almost like it was built... I spun around and stared wide eyed at Reed. "Did you buy this house?"

He frowned, "Of course I bought it, I wouldn't have the keys if I didn't own it."

I shook my head, "I meant, was it already built?"

"Well," he hesitated.

"Reed! You had this house built for us?"

He rubbed his hand against the back of his head, a move he only did when he didn't know if telling the truth would get him in trouble. I grabbed his hand, "You did, didn't you? You had this house built for us."

"Yes," he looked into my eyes, trying to see if that was a bad thing. "I told Devon what I was looking for, what you wanted. He designed the house for me in no time and his father's company pushed back some other houses they had in the works back so that they could build our home for us."

I didn't know what to say, I never thought that he was listening to me when I told him about my dream home. I never wanted to live in a big stuffy house like my parents did, I wanted to have a house that could be a home. And he had done everything he could to provide that for me, even when we weren't talking.

"I..." I tried to tell him what I felt at this moment but I couldn't find the words. I just stared into his eyes, hoping that he could read my thoughts.

He went to say something but at that moment the front door banged open and we heard Devon's voice, "Hey man where are you? I got the catalogues you were asking about, I almost had to knock the old man out just to get him to let me take them from the office." We heard him drop some stuff on the floor downstairs, "Reed? Where the hell are you?"

"Up here," Reed called out, his eyes didn't leave my face once. "Please don't be mad at me for the house Amber," he said softly. "I just want to give you everything you deserve."

I heard Devon's footsteps on the stairs, "So did I tell you I ran into Amber today? She was..." Devon rounded the corner and saw me. "Oh...hi Amber."

Devon stood there looking back and forth between Reed and me, "Umm? Should I make myself disappear or something?"

"No," I turned to him and smiled. "Reed was just showing me around the house," I looked over my shoulder at Reed. "I absolutely love this house, I wouldn't change a thing."

Devon chuckled, "Of course not! I'm damn good at my job, I can design anything!"

I kept my eyes on Reed, "I wish I had more time to walk through the rooms with you but" I glanced down at Alexis. "I think I should get her to bed."

Reed nodded, "Yeah that's probably a good idea," he smiled down at our daughter who was sound asleep in his arms.

We went downstairs and headed out to Reed's car. "I have some stuff I wanted to do with the house tonight," he told me after he strapped Alexis in. "Would you mind if I stayed here and did them? I'll just get Devon to drop me off when we are done."

I didn't want to leave him there, I wanted him to come home with us but how could I say no after all that he's after doing for me? I gave him a smile, "You will come home though, right?"

He nodded, "I'll certainly be home tonight. I'm not going to pass up a chance to spend the night holding you in my arms."

We kissed and then Reed helped into his car, "Drive careful my love."

I got home and put Alexis to bed and then got ready for bed myself. I ended up falling asleep before Reed got home but when I woke up in the middle of the night, I couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement as I felt his arms around me.

Let's Go For A Drive

"That's not it!" I shouted at him. It made Alexis jump and she started to cry. "Oh snuggle bug mommy is sorry." I hugged her tight to me and spoke softly to her. Once her cries turned to soft whimpers, I turned my attention back to Reed. "I want you in my life Reed, more than ever before."

"Why do I feel there's a 'but' there somewhere?"

I shrugged, "I don't know."

I went to take off my jacket but Reed stopped me, "I have somewhere I'd like to take you two, if you aren't tired of being out already." He led us out to his car and took Alexis from me to strap her into her seat. When I asked him where he was taking us, he just smiled and told me that I'll see. "But I need you to do me a favor first," he said as he helped me into the car. I asked him what but he didn't answer me until he got into the driver's seat. "I would like it if you put this on," he reached behind his seat and pulled out a shopping bag. Inside the bag was one of those sleep masks, the ones that block out the light completely.

"I'm not putting that on!" I told him.

"Please?" He gave me his best puppy face, "I really want to surprise you, I don't want you to see where we are going until we get there."

I stared at him, I couldn't believe he was actually wanting to blindfold me, although that didn't surprise me as much as my reaction to him wanting to do that. And there was nothing clean about the turn my thoughts took. I blushed but didn't say a word as I watched him pull the mask from it's packaging. My heart skipped a beat as he leaned in closer to me to slip it on over my head, my eyes held his as he lowered it over my eyes. "Can you see anything?" He asked, his voice sounded a little deeper than normal.

"No," I reached out to touch him, my hand brushed against his shoulder before he took it in his and placed it against his cheek. I smiled at him, my fingers stroking his cheek as my mind filled in all the features of his handsome face. I couldn't believe how touching him like this made me feel so naughty. I closed my eyes, even though I didn't need too, I tilted my face upwards while my thumb found it's way to his lips. I traced the curve of his mouth as it formed a smile, I felt the tip of his tongue as it flicked against my thumb and I heard him groan my name moments before he lowered his head to mine and kissed my parted lips.

I can't even explain how different it felt to kiss him like this, how much it seemed to ignite my senses. All I knew was I didn't want him to stop kissing me, and when his hand slid up over my side, I damn near melted in my seat.

It took Alexis giggling and mumbling to herself to bring either one of us back from the moment we were in. I heard Reed clear his throat as I felt him back off from me, I felt so cold when he did that. I didn't want him to move away at all.

He started the car and shifted into reverse. I didn't know where we were going and at that moment I didn't care. I had lifted my hands to my mouth, my fingers touching my lips as I thought about the kiss we just shared. I smiled, and I mean truly smiled. I could wait to have his lips on mine again, I could wait to focus on his touch like that again.

I could feel his eyes on me a couple times as he drove, I knew he could see the look of pure joy on my face, I knew he saw me touching my lips and smiling like a woman in love. But none of that seemed to bother me, nor him either, once he was on the road he slipped his hand around my left one and pulled it towards him. I felt his lips brush against the back of my hand before he lowered our hands to the armrest between us, his fingers entwined in mine.

I turned my body towards him as much as the seat belt would allow me too. I sat like that for the longest time, just trying to tune into his every movement. I'm not sure how long we were driving before he pulled onto a bumpy road, I tried to look around but there was no point, I couldn't see anything. Although, I did smell something that wasn't there before. "Where are we Reed?"

"You'll find out soon enough," he told me.

I pulled my hand out from his, he stared to protest but soon stopped when I lifted his hand up and held it with both of mine. I had his wrist circled with my left hand, holding it up as I started to softly trail the fingers of my right hand over his palm. His hands weren't work hardened by no means, but they weren't soft either they were the perfect texture that drove me crazy whenever he touched my flesh. I smiled, I remembered the last night that he touched me that way, it seemed so long ago and I couldn't help but miss it. Spreading my fingers wide, I slide them up over his palm, up along his long fingers. Sighing softly, I finally entwined my fingers in his again.

I brought his hand to my lips as he stopped the car, "Reed?" His name came out in more of a whispered groan than I thought it would.

His fingers tightened around mine, "Yes my darling?"

I smiled at him, his voice telling me he wanted me. "When we get home tonight," I leaned in closer to him, as if I didn't want anyone else to hear me. "When Alexis is asleep. Do you think we could...?" I trailed off because I felt stupid asking him this.

I heard a click and the swoosh sound as his seat belt retracted. He lifted our hands upwards and I felt him snap the arm rest up as he moved in closer to me. "Could we what, my love?" He was so close to me, I could feel his breath on my cheek. He pulled his hand from mine and I heard another click and swoosh as my seat belt slid back into it's resting place.

I bit my lip, I was actually a little nervous suddenly, I didn't know how he would react. "Could we try this at home tonight?" I asked shyly.

Reed lifted my hands to his face, he kissed both palms before he moved in to kiss me again, "We can do anything you want, my darling."

If I thought kissing him before was something else, kissing him again when all my senses were so finely tuned - so on edge from the car ride over to where ever we were - was nothing short of breathtaking. His kiss was so soft and tender, yet his passion for me was overwhelming; it brought tears to my eyes.

He broke off our kiss long before I wanted him too, I tried to pull him back but he resisted. "I never want to stop Amber," he whispered against my ear. "But I don't think it would be wise to make love to you in front of our little girl."

I blushed deep when he said that, I had forgotten Alexis was in the car with us. He chuckled softly before he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Come on, I'd like to show you something."

He opened his door and soon I felt him open mine. He helped me out of the car and then asked me to stay where I was while he got Alexis from her seat.

The air felt different as I stood beside the car, it felt...cleaner and it didn't smell like normal city air. "Reed? Where are we? It smells different out here."

He chuckled as he took my hand in his, "I suppose it does Amber." He led me along a gravel path without saying much more than that. I heard Alexis giggle and then it seemed like she did a 'wow'.

"What was that?" I asked him, "What is she excited about? Can I take this off now?" I so badly wanted to see where we were but he told me it would be a few more minutes.

By the time he led me up some steps, I was bouncing because I sort of figured where we were by now. "We are at the house, aren't we?" I asked him but he didn't say anything. "Oh Reed! Please can I take this off now? Please, please, please!"

I could hear him chuckle, "Well since you asked so nicely." He handed me Alexis and soon I felt his hands on my face. Once the mask was removed, I found I had to close my eyes to shield them against the sudden appearance of light.

I opened my eyes slowly, letting the light filter in. I focused on his smiling face for a moment before I looked over his shoulder and gasped. "Oh my god..." I stepped past him before I stopped and turned around to face him again. "Reed, I..."

He closed the distance between us, he lowered his head, his lips brushed mine, "Welcome home my darling."

Out And About

While I was trying to kill time yesterday, I went onto the computer in Reed's office and tried to type up a resume. I'll admit that I haven't had much work experience, the little I had was 'volunteer' secretary work for one of my mother's fundraising events and a little temp receptionist work when a friend of my father was left without one a few years ago. I've done more volunteer work than real work.

When I sat down to type up the resume, I was excited and looking forward to looking for a job but as I tried to finish it, to come up with stuff that I did, I started to feel like a big loser all over again. What am I doing? I thought, who in their right mind would hire me anyway?

I was about to give up when Alexis crawled over to me from the blanket and toys I laid on the floor with her. She grabbed hold of my pant leg and looked up at me with determination on her face. At first I wasn't sure what she was doing, up slowly I realized as she rose up, oh my god! She's trying to stand! I wanted so badly to help her but when I went to reach for her, she plopped down on her butt and gave me this 'let me do it' look.

"That's what papa was talking about, wasn't it?" I asked her as she got to her knees again and grabbed for my pants. "You are stubborn just like your momma."

I'm not sure if she knew what I meant but she did smile up at me. It took a while, a few shaky starts, some falls on her bum but she finally did it. She stood up. And seeing her do that renewed my determination to make my plans work. "I'm so proud of you snuggle bug," I said when she finally let me pick her up.

With Alexis seated in my lap, I finished my resume and printed a bunch off. I was about to push away from the computer when I spotted a desktop icon with my name on it. I stared at it for a while, I wanted to open it but I wasn't sure I should. "What do you think Alexis? Daddy wouldn't mind if mommy peeked at the document, would he?"

Alexis looked up at me, given me this 'yeah. right' look. "Da da!" She giggled.

I didn't open the file, I wanted too but I didn't. I told myself that I would ask Reed about it later.

Alexis and I soon set off to buy a newspaper. We stopped at a sidewalk cafe, where we ordered something to eat and scoured the 'help wanted' ads. I would read some of the ads out loud and see what Alexis thought of them, of course she wasn't too interested in what I had to say as she chowed down on the fries I bought to share with her. "Yeah," I reached over and picked up a fry. "This is about all mommy is qualified to do."

While I was sitting there, I spotted a sign in the cafe itself saying that they needed help. I inquired about the sign and was given an application to fill out. I was in the middle of doing that when a shadow fell over the table.

"Good afternoon Amber," I looked up in time to see Devon pull out the empty chair at our table and sit down. "What are you two lovely ladies doing today? Out spending Reed's money?"

"Go away Devon, I'm busy." I turned back the application and sighed, work experience.

"What are you doing?" He asked, leaning in to look at the paper I was writing on. "Is that..?: he grabbed the application from me. looked it over and then stared at me. "This is a job application," he seemed a little shocked by this. I nodded and took it back from him. "Why are you filling out job applications Amber?"

"Well you can't get a job without one," I told him without even looking at him.

"But why are you looking for a job? Isn't Reed giving you enough money?"

I slowly looked up at him, "Do you really think I'm going to tell you anything Devon?"

He shrugged, "You don't have too, all I have to do is ask Reed."

"Why don't you mind your own business for once?"

Devon glanced at Alexis who was watching us with great interest, "Hello Lexi, I'm a friend of your daddy." When Alexis heard him say 'daddy', she gave him a big smile and said, that's right. "Da da."

He smiled at her before he turned back to me. "She seems very happy."

"Of course she is, I'm not a bad mother Devon."

"I didn't think you were," he simply said. "I have to get going," he stood up and pushed in the chair he was sitting in. "Good luck with the job hunt Amber, I hope you find what you are looking for." Devon walked away before I could reply which was probably a good thing because I couldn't think of anything to say to him.

I glanced at my watch and saw it was almost 6, I raced to finish the application. I handed it in and then we left to walk back home.

Reed's car was sitting at his place when we got back, which surprised me. I know he said he would be home by 6 but I guess I really didn't believe him. He met us at the front door, he didn't look too happy. "Where were you? I told you I would be home by six."

"I had some things I had to do," I told him as he moved aside to let us in. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was job hunting.

"So you really are going to do this?" He asked me. I told him yes, I was but we needed to talk about something. "What now Amber? You already cut me out of your life in every way, what other way is there besides..." his voice trailed off as his face went white.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him, I felt a rush of panic as I looked at him.

"You don't want me in your life at all, do you?"

Right Here Waiting

Yesterday when I didn't hear from Reed by noon, I was worried about what was going on, what he was doing. Whenever I tried to talk about it to Janie she kind of blew me off saying that I had nothing to worry about because Reed was one of the 'good guys'. But still, I worried. How could I not? He was rich, good looking and a nice guy...and if that wasn't enough, he is still technically single.

I knew he said he loved me and that he wanted us to be together but I couldn't help but think of all the other women that I knew would do anything to be taken care of for the rest of their lives. I knew that while we were together before, he had women throwing themselves at him, so why would now be any different?

By 2 yesterday, I had worked myself into such a state that I was sure he had moved on already. I couldn't handle it any more, I told Janie I was going back. "I just need to see for myself," I told her.

She told me I was crazy and repeated that Reed loved me. "Amber, he's not out doing something wrong, he's probably just really busy at work. Do you think he's going to like that you don't trust him?"

"I do trust him!" I snapped at her, "I just don't trust the whores around him!"

Janie laughed at me and I mean really laughed at me. "Fine, if you feel you need to go make a fool out of yourself, then be my guest."

I told her I would and went to pack. While I was packing there was a knock on my door so Janie got it. I heard her talking and laughing, so I went to check it out. "Janie who are you...?" The question died on my lips when I saw Chris standing in my apartment. "What the hell do you want?"

Janie gave me this shocked look, "Amber!"

I brushed past the two of them and opened my door, "Get out," I told him.

Chris came over to stand in front of me, "Amber I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it, I swear."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Janie gawking at us but I didn't bother to ask why. "I don't think you really are Chris."

"Of course I am!" He went to put his hands on my shoulders but he didn't. "I know you are mad at me, I know I've down some pretty stupid things Amber but I swear I never meant to hurt you." He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I really wish we had a chance to get to know each other. I'm going to miss you." He turned to say bye to Janie and then he left my apartment, closing the door quietly behind him.

The second he was gone Janie grabbed my arm, "Oh my god! Who was that??"

I gave her a brief history and when I was done she was shaking her head. "I can't believe your luck! He's so hot and he seems really interested!"

"But he's a jerk," I told her.

Janie frowned, "Do you think any guy would be nice if you dumped him for someone else?"

"But the bruises..." I shook my head. "No, I made the right decision. I love Reed, I don't love Chris."

"But Amber he's so hot!"

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah well then you take him! I love Reed and I want to be with him! And if he ever calls me, I'll tell him that!!" I stormed off into my room, dumped everything out of my suitcase and sat down on my bed.

Janie came in my room and sat down with me. "You aren't going home?"

I gave a little laugh, "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to be here anymore Janie."

She didn't say anything, she just sat there with me for a couple minutes before she jumped up and grabbed my suitcase. "Go home Amber," she told me as she put my stuff back in my suitcase. When I went to ask her what she would do, she said. "Go see Reed. I'll stay here and finish packing up what you want to keep."

I didn't waste any time getting myself and Alexis ready to go. When we had everything in the Jeep again, I turned to Janie. "If you do get involved with Chris, please be careful. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

She told me she would keep me posted as she hugged me. "You go and find that man of yours, I'll see you soon."

I drove off yesterday feeling very excited about seeing Reed again and feeling a little nervous about it too.

It was after 6 by the time I got into town last night. I stopped at a phone booth and called Reed's office to speak to him but his secretary told me that I just missed him. I tried his cell but there wasn't any answer, so I waited a few minutes and then called his house. Albert answered the phone and told me that he didn't see Reed yet and asked me if I tried his cell just now.

"Yes, I did." I told him.

He went on to tell me that it appears that Reed left his cell at the house. "I thought I heard ringing but when I answered the phone, there was no one there. I thought I was losing my mind!"

I laughed with him about that but I was wondering why Reed would've left his phone at home. "Can you just tell him that I called?" Alberta assured me that he would and I hung up. I wasn't sure what to do now. I got back in the Jeep and drove around for a while but Alexis was getting grumpy so I had to make a choice about what I was going to do.

I called Reed's house again but Albert told me that he didn't hear from him yet. I explained how I was in town and he told me to come over, he would he there for another few minutes, "I'll let you in, I'm sure it would be ok."

So I drove over to Reed's. I unpacked the Jeep and got something to eat for Alexis and me. Reed still wasn't home by the time her bedtime came, so I put Alexis to bed and told her that he would look in on her when he finally did get home.

Not having anything to do, I called Janie to see how things were going there. She told me that Reed called around 7. "He seemed very upset that you weren't here, I didn't even have time to tell him you went home before he slammed the phone down in my ear. Amber, what's going on?"

I told her that I was there and I haven't been able to get a hold of Reed. "I don't know where he is and he doesn't have his cell on him!"

"Well..." Janie paused. "Call Devon."

"No, I'm not calling him!"

"Amber, if anyone knows where Reed is, it's Devon. Call him!" She gave me Devon's cell number and once again told me to call him.

I sat there staring at Devon's number for the longest time. I didn't call him right away, I really didn't wish to talk to him. So I waited to see if Reed would come home.

11:30 I finally couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the phone and dialed Devon's cell. When he answered I asked if he saw Reed today. "Amber?"

"Yes," I replied and asked him again.

"Yes, I've seen him."

"Well do you know where he is now?"

"Yes, I do."

"Where is he Devon?"

Devon hesitated, "I can't tell you Amber."

"What?" I was getting a little ticked off. "Why the hell can't you tell me? Where is Reed?"

"Hey, calm down!" He was kind of laughing when he said that. "I can't tell you where he is because he doesn't want you to know."

"Devon stop being an ass!"

"Well," Devon scoffed. "Even if I was going to tell you, I wouldn't now! Good night Amber!"

"Wait! Devon please?"

There was nothing but silence on his end, I was certain that he hung up. "I'll tell him you called," he finally said before I heard a click and then the dial tone.

I'm certain I don't even have to tell you what I thought. I went to bed just after that and I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night and was shocked to see Reed sleeping next to me. I wondered when he got home but I couldn't wake him enough to tell me anything besides, "I love you BerryLynn."

This morning we slept in, we woke up to Albert knocking on his door telling him his father was on the phone. "Shit!" He cursed when he came back into his room after talking to his father, he started for the bathroom to get ready for work but he stopped short and made his way over to me instead. He crawled back into bed but when he reached for me, I moved away. "I don't have time to explain right now," he told me. "But I swear it's not what you are thinking!" He got out of bed again, telling me that he'll be home at 6 tonight, "Even if I have to quit to be here!"

He made me promise to still be here before he left for work. I told him I would be. As much as I fear the worst, I have a feeling that it's not what I think.

Am I crazy to think that?

I guess I'll find out in under two hours.

What I Wouldn't Give To Have All The Answers

I was sitting in the bathtub last night, soaking as I tried to relax. It had been a busy day, between packing, cleaning and trying to keep Alexis happy there didn't seem to be a moment to spare to take time for myself.

Janie was sitting in the living room watching 'Dancing with the Stars'. I personally don't get the hype around it, or any other reality type show but she really enjoys it. She had gotten a shower before I went to soak in the tub so she didn't mind me not being around, plus she knew that I wasn't a fan of the show she was watching.

While I was laying back in the tub, I started to think about the last week or so. I started to wonder if I was really going about this the right way. I knew what I wanted, I've said it time and time again but I wasn't so sure if I'd end up where I wanted to be with the way I had things planned.

I knew I didn't want to be living off of someone else. I knew that in order to stop that I would have to make money but with only a high school diploma, I knew that I could end up in worst shape than I hoped. Would letting Reed help me out be such a bad idea? I wondered. It's not like your dream job is just going to land in your lap, I sighed. "No one knows your dream job," I said out loud.

Well that wasn't really true, there was one person who knew what I wanted to do but I'm damn sure he was drunk out of his tree the night we spoke about that.

Sinking deeper into the bubbles, I realized that I'm not going to get anywhere with what I had originally planned. And a sense of dread set in over me.

I know I keep changing my mind and I'm very indecisive about what I should do, I know it all seems so easy and clear cut. But I've never had to made decisions for myself my entire life, someone else always told me what to do. Up until I got pregnant, that is. The first decision I made and the last one that mattered was to keep Alexis. But that was under totally different circumstances, I knew I couldn't give her away. I just felt it deep in my heart that I had been blessed with her.

Letting everyone run your life sounds easy enough, and it is. But stepping up and taking control is difficult, the people who used to make your decisions seem to be the ones who you are constantly looking at for reassurance that you are doing the right thing.

If you had asked me a couple weeks ago if I would've cared what my father thought about me, I would've lied and said no, I didn't care. But this past week while I was home just hearing him stand up for me, hearing him say nice things about me, watching him play with my daughter; I wanted so badly to be his little girl again. I wanted to run over and sit on his lap like I used to do before things changed between us. I wanted to tell him all my hopes and dreams, I wanted his advice. But most of all, I wanted to hear him say that he loved me and was very proud of who I am.

Yes, I know. I'm hoping for some thing that may never happen.

But as I sat in the tub last night, I started to wonder if all he was waiting for was for me to need him again.

Thinking of my father got me thinking about Reed.

Well, that's not entirely true, I seem to always be thinking about Reed.

That just sounded like a good way to bring him into this entry.

One of the main reasons I'm so unsure about being with Reed like he wants is - I'm worried that I only feel the way I do because my father likes him. I mean, I met him through my father. Even now, it seems that my father as gotten over the whole Reed 'knocking up' his daughter and is hoping that we end up together; he did make sure that Reed came home to talk to me that day.

Of course, when I say that it all seems so silly. Especially when you factor in my reaction to things like...

While I was up to my chin in bubbles, deep in my thoughts last night, Janie came to the bathroom door. "Amber!" She called out. "Reed is on the phone."

My reaction? I jumped out of the tub, splashing water everywhere as I slip slided my way to the door. I didn't even bother to grab a towel, I stood behind the door as I opened it and stuck my head out.

Janie's reaction? She laughed, handed me the phone and then told me I should act a little more excited that he called.

Reed had heard this and when I said hello, he asked me about it. While I made my way cautiously back to the tub and climbed back in, I told him about it. He chuckled softly and asked if I hurt anything he could kiss better when he saw me again.

I giggled, like the silly girl that I am. "I'll have to show you when I get there," I told him.

He gave a little sigh, "When will that be?"

I told him I wasn't sure but in my mind I was screaming, I wish I was there with you right now!

We chatted about our day and Alexis. My water was getting cold and he was still talking. It seemed that he didn't really have much to say but he didn't want to get off the phone with me. When my teeth started to chatter from the cold water, he finally said he should probably go.

It was about an hour later by the time I cleaned up the water, exited the bathroom, got ready for bed and then joined Janie on the couch.

She was flipping through the channels, there was nothing good on TV. "Argh," she turned off the TV and looked at me. "Do you think Reed would sublet to me?"

"What?" Of all the questions I thought she would ask, that wasn't one of them.

She told me that she needed to get out of the town she lived in. "Between Devon, school and my parents' divorce, I just need some time to lose myself."

"But I..." I was sort of heartbroken that she was thinking about moving away, I felt like I just found her again only to be losing her.

"I know," she gave me a half ass smile as she hugged me.

She went to bed not long afterwards.

I called Reed.

But there was no answer at his place or on his cell.

I left a message on both of his voice mails because I wasn't sure which he would check.

I asked him to call me when he got the message.

It's noon and I haven't heard from him yet.