Sunday Morning Fun

It was early Sunday morning when I woke up needing something to drink really badly. I gave Reed a kiss on his cheek as he laid next to me sound asleep and then I slipped out of bed to make my way downstairs to the kitchen.

I checked on Alexis, like her daddy, she was sleeping soundly and didn't stir when I gave her a kiss on the forehead.

It wasn't until I got closer to Reed's guest room that I hear someone who wasn't sleeping soundly. It only took a moment for me to realize that Lucinda was crying and despite what has been said between the two of us in the past, I was really worried about her.

"Lucinda?" I tapped gently on her door. At first I thought she was going to ignore me because she didn't answer and I didn't hear anything coming from behind the door. I was walking away when the door opened. "Hey," I gave her a smile as I glanced back.

"I'm sorry to be a bother," she told me as she dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "I'll try not to make too much noise."

"No Lucinda," I shook my head as I stood in front of her. "You weren't making too much noise, I was on my way to get something to drink and I thought I heard you stirring around." As I spoke I wondered if I should've just left her, pretended that I didn't hear her.

"I think a drink would be good," she told me and then sighed. "But Reed doesn't have any alcohol here, does he?"

"I mean something like water, or juice or..." my voice trailed off as she looked like she was going to start bawling again. "Ummm, we have some stuff that we bought for the party later today, I guess we could get you something from there if you like."

Lucinda nodded and told me to lead the way.

We went out into the kitchen and I showed her what we had, she grabbed a bottle of vodka. "This will do just fine," she told me as she made her way over to the table and sat down.

She didn't open the bottle, she just sat there staring at it.

I didn't know what to do, I know I wanted to go back to bed with Reed but I felt that Lucinda might want me to stay with her. After filling the two glasses I pulled from the cupboard with orange juice, I joined her at the table.

"Thank you," she said when I placed the glass of juice in front of her. But that was all she said.

For the next ten minutes, we sat there in complete silence, I wish I knew what I could have said to her. I wish that things weren't so awkward between us.

The silence was killing me, so I said the first thing that came into my head. "Alexis is trying to walk around furniture," when she looked up at me I continued. "Reed is so happy about that, he keeps trying to get her to walk on her own but when ever he lets go of her hands, she stares up at him and then starts to wobble and cry."

She took a sip of her juice but didn't say anything. "I try to tell him that she is only starting, that she doesn't have the balance to walk without holding onto something but he's determined to get her walking." I smiled, "He told me he's going to be there for her first steps, he doesn't want to miss them."

Lucinda lowered her head when I said that. "Alexis is do happy to have Reed around all the time, she doesn't stop saying 'dada', it doesn't matter what the question is, her answer is always 'dada'." I paused and laughed a little. "Well now that she spends some time with my parents it's sometimes 'papa' too. My mother is a little miffed that Alexis isn't saying 'nana' yet, she keeps repeating it to her but Alexis says 'dada' and 'papa' back to her."

Still nothing from Lucinda.

"Alexis has made quite a few friends at day care, the kids just love her. A couple of them seem to have taken her under their wing because she's so young."

Silence.

"I've even made friends with one of the ladies I work with, she's going to be at the party tonight, I think. I don't really know for sure, she said she will but she mentioned something about checking with her husband first." I sighed, "The other woman I work with, I don't get along with her. She seemed alright until she started to hit on Reed and since then I've had no time for her." I looked at Lucinda, who was finally looking up at me again. "Lucinda please talk to me, I feel kind of stupid just rattling off here." I reached out and placed my hand on her arm, "I know we haven't gotten along in the past but you have to know that I'm here for you whenever you need to talk."

She looked like she wanted to say something, so I remained quiet and waited for her to say what was on her mind. It took a few minutes but finally she said, "Reed is a good man, he loves you..." she trailed off as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I don't know where he gets it from, it's certainly not from his father. I can't believe how he treated you tonight! And inviting that woman? He knew there was no way Reed would ever leave you but yet he thought he could make him." Lucinda shook her head in disgust. "I couldn't stand to be in the same room with that man anymore, I had to leave!"

"Lucinda? You didn't leave Roger because of what he did tonight, did you?"

Lucinda was quiet for a few minutes, she seemed to be replaying events of the night over in her mind, tears started to stream down her face again. "Amber," she said through her tears. "When you guys left, I asked him why he was so against Reed marrying you, the woman that he loved. At first he didn't answer me, I thought he didn't hear me so I asked him again." Lucinda sobbed, "Roget told me that he didn't marry for love, so why would Reed be any different."

I guess I didn't looked to surprised at what she said. "Amber!" She grabbed my arm. "All this time I've stood by his side, I gave him a son, I did everything he asked of me and I didn't complain once when he missed our anniversary or my birthday or any other important event in our lives because he was working. All this time I've been the perfect loving wife and he doesn't love me?" Lucinda jumped up from her chair. "I married that man because I loved him and I thought he loved me! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to find out that after almost 30 years, you were nothing but a business deal?"

"Lucinda," I got up out of my chair and went to her. "I don't think that Roger meant it, I'm sure that he," I hesitated. "I'm sure he loves you, he just has a strange way of showing it."

"No," she shook her head. "He said he didn't marry for love, there's no mistaking the real meaning behind his words. And if he doesn't love me, why should I stand by him?"

I didn't know what to say, I tried a couple times to say something but every time I opened my mouth nothing came out.

"How about we have that drink now?" Lucinda sat down and pulled the bottle of vodka towards her. It started out with just one, we even put the bottle way but she relived all the bad times with Roger, all the important stuff he missed and one turned into another and then another.

And when Reed came downstairs in search of me hours later, he found both of us passed out on the couch with the empty bottle of vodka laying on the floor in front of us.

He tried to wake us but we were way too out of it to make any sense.

Canada Day didn't start out that well for us. With his mother and me drunk, he had to do all the prep stuff himself and watch Alexis.

When I was sober enough to function, he was so mad at us that he didn't want to speak to me.

I spent the afternoon apologizing to him and trying to explain what happened with his mother and father.

"Amber," Reed stopped me. "You aren't making any sense. Why don't you go shower and change while I go check on mom?" He started to walk away but I grabbed his arm.

"Please don't be mad at me Reed," I pleaded. "I don't want us to end up like your parents are right now."

"We won't be like them Amber," Reed sighed. "Come here," he held out his arms and I walked into them. He told me that he wasn't upset with me, "I'm so mad at my father right now, how could he be so heartless? How could he hurt my mother like this?"

Happy Family Dinner

I want to tell you all about the party yesterday but I think that I need to talk about dinner with Reed's parents first because there are some events that took place at his parents house on Saturday that affected yesterday for us.

I wish I could get here and say that a sudden change happened in his family and they no longer looked at me as some sort of evil spawn that is out to destroy their son's life but I can't. Well, I guess...maybe....in a way.

How about I just tell you all about it and you guys can make up your own minds.

So we arrived at his parents house with just a few minutes to spare, I couldn't believe that we actually showered, got ready and made the drive over to his parents house in less than 45 minutes. Mind you, Reed was speeding a little - ok, maybe a lot - but all that mattered was that we made it in time, so his parents couldn't be upset about that.

Lucinda happened to met us at the door, saving their maid the trouble of showing us in. I wasn't even in the door when she took Alexis from me. "How is grandma's little girl today?" She asked Alexis who just gave her a lopsided smile as she looked towards Reed as if she was saying, 'help me'.

Once we were in the living room, Lucinda called out to Roger, telling him that we were there but the doorbell rang just as she talking and it drowned her out. Roger called out and said he would get the door since he was close to it.

No one thought anything of it until we heard this high pitched squeal that sounded like "Reed!" We all turned at once towards the entrance to the living room as this red blur shot pass everyone and jumped Reed.

And I mean jumped him as in knocking him off balance, sending him flying backwards onto the couch with the 'squealing blur' landing on his lap. "Oh my God Reed! You cut your hair!" The chick that I was plotting to kill, lifted her hands up to run her fingers through his short hair.

"Faith?" Reed stared at her in utter disbelief. "What are you doing here?" He glanced at his mother, who looked as shocked as he did.

"I'm here to see you, silly!" She wrapped her hands around his neck and smiled at him. "It's been way too long but you look as sexy as ever!" The tramp, I mean Faith, went to kiss him.

"Whoa!" Reed covered her mouth with his hand as he tried to push her off him with his other hand. "You need to get off me right now!"

Once Faith had vacated his lap, Reed jumped up and away from her. "What is she doing here mother?"

The same time Reed was asking his mother that question, his father walked into the room with this huge smile on his face.

Until he saw me standing there, "What are you doing here? You weren't invited."

I stared at him in total confusion before turning to Reed, who looked like he was ready to kill someone.

"You invited her?" Reed pointed to Faith, his father nodded. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"It's time you started looking at suitable women to settle down and marry Reed!"

"I have a suitable woman already father!" Reed grabbed my hand and pulled me to his side. "Remember Amber? The woman I love? The mother of my daughter? Amber is more suitable than she," he jabbed his finger in Faith's direction, "will ever be!"

"Reed think with your head for once!" Roger snapped at him. "Amber is good for a fling son but she will never be good enough to be a Johnson!"

I felt my hand ball up into a fist, I knew Roger didn't like me but to suggest that I was just good for a roll in the hay? I wanted to slap the smirk of his arrogant face. Beside me, Reed was fuming, I never seen him so mad in my life. It was the anger I felt just standing with him that stopped me from doing anything.

Reed was glaring at his father, I wasn't sure what he was going to do. When he dropped my hand I thought he was going to punch his father but he didn't. He went over to where his mother put Alexis on a blanket on the floor to play. Grabbing the diaper bag, he started ramming Alexis' toys back into it. "Amber come here," he said with more calm than I knew he felt at that moment. When I went over to him, he handed me the bag and Alexis. "We are leaving, please go wait in the car for me."

I didn't want to leave, I was afraid of what Reed would do but I didn't want Alexis to see what he could do.

I didn't make it to the front door before I heard a loud crash and bang along with Lucinda gasping. "Reed don't!"

"You listen and you listen good old man. I will never marry anyone but Amber, she is the only woman for me. You will never speak about her like that again and you will treat her with the respect she deserves because she's not going any where, she will always be by my side!"

"Reed when wi-"

"No!" Reed cut his father off. "I don't want to hear what you have to say, I'm going to take my family home."

I heard his mother calling after him as Reed rounded the corner and came towards me. Without a word, he turned me towards the front door and lead me out, his hand on my back the entire way. When we got to the car, Reed asked me if I would drive because he didn't think he was in any shape to get behind the wheel.

The drive to his place was a quite one except for Alexis 'talking' away to herself in the back seat. A few times I glanced towards Reed as he slumped in the passenger seat with his head in his hands, he was shaking so badly, I wanted to pull over and hold him tight.

He didn't say a word until we were in the house. "Amber I'm so sorry," he pulled me into my arms and held me tight. "I didn't know my father was planning that if I did, I wouldn't have accepted the invitation to supper."

I told him I knew he didn't know. "I knew your father didn't like me..." I started but he asked me to not think about it.

"It doesn't matter to me what he thinks, all that matters to me is what I feel here," he moved back enough so he could slip our hands over his chest. "I love you Amber and one day I know that you will make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife."

We stood in each other's arms for the longest time.

Later we were sitting at the dining room table, eating Macaroni and Cheese - it was fast and easy, we were hungry but neither one of us were in the mood to really cook or go out - when we heard a car door slam.

Reed went over to the door to see who was there. "Mother?" He flung the door opened as his mother stumbled up the steps and into his arms. "Mom what's wrong?"

I jumped up from the table and ran over to where they were standing. "Lucinda is everything ok?"

Lucinda lifted her head from Reed's shoulder and stared at me. "Oh Amber!" She started to bawl even harder as she came towards me. "I'm so sorry for the way Roger treated you!" She cried on my shoulder.

It was a good ten minutes later when we finally got her calmed down enough to join us in the living room and tell us what happened. "He went too far this time!" She told us. "I couldn't believe that he would say stuff like that to Amber." Lucinda turned to me. "I know we haven't always gotten along but I know that you are good for my son," she smiled at me. "You two are good for each other and you have a beautiful daughter..." she started bawling again.

"Mother," Reed was gently rubbing her back. "Why are you here?"

"I couldn't stay in that house for another minute Reed! Your father..." Lucinda shook her head. "I don't know the man he is anymore. I'm just glad that you are old enough and happy with a family of your own Reed."

"Why mom?" Reed gave her a confused look.

"Because I'm not going back to that house," she took a deep breath. "I left your father."

*****

I'll have to post the party entry tomorrow...

Show Me Stars

I didn't get to talk to Reed about moving in with him Friday night. In fact we really didn't talk much that night, he got to my place late and just wanted to go to bed. I felt a little upset by this, it wasn't the first time this week that he had to work late. I know it's wrong of me to be upset by that, I knew that there would be nights that he would have to work late, I've seen my father do it for years and they were working in the same office, doing the same kind of work.

But yet it still bothered me and I kind of figured it was because I wanted to talk to him about moving in. Although I wondered if things would be much different than they are now if Alexis and I moved in. Sure, we wouldn't have to decide where we would meet for the night, there would be no excuses not to spend the night sleeping next to each other. I started to wonder if Reed would take me for granted, we weren't really doing much when we did spend time together as it was, we were hanging out at the house most times. Not that I minded all that much that we stayed at home, I just didn't want to fall into a routine where we forgot that we love each other.

Maybe I was being silly, I don't know. Maybe it was the lack of 'us' time we shared in the past week. I don't know if we really kissed much besides what we did in his office on Friday. I don't want to have a relationship where we aren't affectionate for days or weeks or whatever.

I was stressing over it, I guess because I didn't sleep that well Friday night. I kept tossing and turning but Reed slept through it all. I stared at him in the semi darkness a couple times and wished he was awake.

Late Friday night, early Saturday morning, which ever you wish to call it, I finally fell asleep. I told myself that my relationship with Reed would only die out if I let it and I wasn't about to let it.

I was dreaming about going on a vacation when I felt something brush against my shoulder. In my half sleep state, I reached out to push it away from me and ended up slapping Reed across the face. "Oh my god!" I literally jumped up in bed when he cursed. "Are you ok?" I leaned over him to move his hand from his cheek where I slapped him.

"You slapped me," he said totally shocked.

"I'm sorry," I told him while pressing kisses against his face. "I didn't mean too."

"I just wanted to cuddle," he pouted.

"Awww honey," I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against my chest.

"This is so much better!" He exclaimed before kissing my bare skin.

One touch, that's all it took for Reed to get me wanting him, to get me naked. We made love yesterday like it was the first time we've ever been together, there wasn't an inch of his or my skin that was left untouched.

At one point he moved back from me, he told me that he just wanted to see me. I probably squirmed more under his appreciative gaze than I did when he was touching me, there was something about the look in his eyes that made me feel so naughty and loved so much.

When I told him that he smiled at me. "Baby you are naughty," he murmured as his fingers traced the swell of my breast. He leaned down to kiss me but I turned my head, "What's wrong?" He asked against my neck. When I didn't answer, he lifted his head from my neck and his hand jumped to my chin, turning my face towards his. "Amber what did I do?"

"You called me 'baby'," I spoke so softly he asked me what I said so I repeated it.

He gave me a 'so?' look. "You never call me 'baby'," I told him. "It's always 'darling' or 'my love' or 'BerryLynn'; never 'baby'."

Reed propped himself up on his elbow, "I'm not following Amber."

I sighed, I knew it was stupid but when he called me 'baby' I wondered if he was thinking about someone else. I didn't want to tell him that, I knew it would upset him if he thought I doubted his feelings for me. And I didn't really doubt them, I just.... "It surprised me Reed, it's not something you normally say."

He was silent for a moment, just gazing down at me. "Amber," he dropped the mattress and wrapped his arm around me. "'Darling', 'my love', 'baby'," he paused. "My personal favorite, 'my darling Berrylynn'," Reed grinned, squeezing me gently. "They all mean the same thing to me, words that I can use to let you know you mean the world to me."

"I'm sorry," I gave him a smile. "I know I'm being silly."

He nodded, "But I have to tell you," he moved over me. "Some times I want to call you 'my naughty little wench', especially when you do things that surprise me like," he leaned down and whispered, "when you..." his voice trailed off as his hand cupped my breast. "I just wish I could've finished for you that night, I needed too so badly, you had me seeing stars."

I told him it was high time I made him feel the same way he has always made me feel.

We spent most of the morning showing each other the stars, only leaving the bed once we heard Alexis screaming her head off because she wanted some attention. Even then he tried to keep me in this arms. "Do you really need to get up?"

I laughed, "Not if you get up with her."

In the end Reed got up and went to Alexis. He brought her back to my room with him and crawled into bed again. "She just wanted to see us," he told me as he held Alexis against his chest. "Didn't you Princess?"

"Dada!" She exclaimed then giggled.

I never tire of seeing my man holding his little girl.

Yesterday we spent most of the day out picking up stuff for today's party.

And then he springs it on me that we were invited to his parents for supper. It was an hour before we were supposed to be there and we were still out running errands. I guess it's needless to say I got a little upset with him. "How could you do that?" I asked him when we got back to my place with only 45 minutes left to get ready. "You know it takes forever for me to get excited to see your parents!"

"I'm sorry," he said as he followed me down the hall to my room with Alexis in his arms. "I didn't remember until I told you just now. It's not like I was keeping it from you!"

"I don't have time to argue with you," I told him. "I have to shower, get ready, get Alexis bathed and ready and pack her bag and...and..." I wanted to cry, there was so much I had to do. "And you have to shower too!"

Thankfully Reed was remaining a little calm. "Go shower, I'll bathe Alexis in the sink and get her dressed. Then when you are out, I'll shower." I went to say something to him but he pointed me towards the shower. "Don't make me have to join you!" He joked but I could tell by his tone, he was hoping I would.

We made it to his parents place with a couple minutes to spare.

Waiting For Him

I couldn't help it, after what happened this morning, the look in Devon's eyes as he walked away thinking that Janie was better off without him and he was better off miserable with Annette, I had to see Reed.

When I arrived at his office, his secretary told me that he was in a meeting and he would be a while. I told her that I didn't mind, I needed to see him.

I was sitting in one of the chairs reading a magazine and I felt her staring at me. When I looked up she didn't bother to turn away. "You look familiar," she told me. "How do you know Mr Johnson?"

"Reed is my boyfriend," I told her with a smile. "We have a daughter together."

"Oh my!" She exclaimed as she jumped up. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize who you were Miss Sands," she came around the desk and motioned for me to follow her. "Mr Johnson is in a meeting in the conference room down the hall, I'll let him know you are here but in the mean time, " she opened Reed's office door for me. "You can wait in here for him."

"Oh," I was surprised by the difference in her attitude once she found out who I was. "I was ok sitting out there," I told her.

"Nonsense!" She shook her head and gave a nervous laugh, "Mr Johnson wouldn't mind having you wait in here."

Before I could say anything else, she turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Ok, I thought as I looked around Reed's office. It was much like my father's only a little smaller. I made my way over to his desk and sat down in his chair. I knew it was silly but there was something about sitting there seeing the room the way Reed saw it everyday. I started to swing back and forth in his chair when I spotted the picture frame on his desk. I picked it up and was surprised to see that it was a picture of Alexis and me with Reed from my parents anniversary party. It was just as we walked in the doors, before they introduced us. I smiled as I touched his face on the picture, he looked so happy yet so sad at the same time.

When I went to put the picture back on his desk, I moved his mouse and his computer screen lit up. Like the day that I was in his office as home, I spotted an icon on his desktop that had my name on it. Glancing around the room quickly, I moved the mouse over the folder. Closing my eyes, I double clicked on it and opened the file.

The whole time I'm sitting there with my eyes closed, I'm thinking you shouldn't be doing this! But I couldn't stop myself. When I opened my eyes, I scanned the file and smiled. I was staring at pictures of houses and each picture had parts highlighted and a little caption that told whoever was looking at the pictures what I wanted in a house. I could only assume that this was the file that Janie mentioned when she told me about Reed's specific requirements and where Devon wanted him to stick the plans.

I closed out the file and sat back in Reed's chair. Now what? I asked as I twiddled my thumbs.

I ended up checking to see if Reed had any games on his computer and spent the next half hour playing solitaire until Reed came bursting through his office door. "Darling what wrong? Where's Alexis? What Happened?" He looked so worried as he made his way over to me. "Amber what's going on?"

I didn't answer him right away, I was too busy throwing myself at him and telling him how much I loved him in between kisses.

"I love you too Amber," he managed to say once he got me to slow down. "Now do you want to tell me what happened?"

So I did, I told him about the conversation with Janie and how Devon over heard. I told him what Devon had to say and how I felt when I watched him walk away all defeated. "I don't ever want you to doubt how I feel about you Reed," I buried my face against his neck. "I love you so much, I never want to be without you again."

Reed held me in his arms, whispering his own words of love.

It was probably one of the best moments ever.

When he comes home tonight, I'm going to tell him it's time we talked about Alexis and I moving into the home he created for us.

A Long Time Ago When I Was Bitter

I just realized that yesterday's post was the 100th one since I started this blog way back in March. I can't believe it's been that long, so much as changed since my first post. I don't feel the bitterness that I did back then. I'm no longer angry at everyone who means everything to me and my life finally feels like it's going some place. So I guess you can say I'm well on my way to really really happy...yay!

Last night Reed came over to see Alexis and me, he seemed a little upset when he first got here so I asked him what was wrong. "I hated not being able to see you and our daughter yesterday." (Wednesday - when he couldn't come over because he had a meeting that took forever!)

I told him that it couldn't be helped, "You are here now, so that's all that matters to me." I gave him a hug and held him tight.

He told me that he was happy to be there now, but he hated not being able to see us every day. "I missed you," he whispered against my ear. "I got into bed last night and I just felt alone. I wanted you there beside me."

I knew how he felt because I felt the same way, I couldn't sleep for the longest time because I missed his presence in my bed. And after seeing Janie, I was starting to wonder if living here without him was the smart thing to do. I almost told him I was thinking that it was time for us to live together when he asked me what we did. I told him about running into Janie and her engagement.

"What?" He stared at me in shock. "Why on earth would she say yes? Does she even know him that well?"

I shrugged, "I guess she thinks she does."

"But you don't think so?"

I told him that I had my doubts, "She seemed so happy, I didn't want to ruin that but I think it's bound to fail because it's a rebound relationship."

Reed sighed, "I hope for her sake she knows what she's doing."

Soon he changed the subject and told me that this weekend he wanted to have some people over on Sunday for Canada Day. "I was thinking that we could have a little party like we did for my birthday."

I told him that would be a great idea, I was hoping that we would do something special for that day. We started to talk about the guest list and he told me he already told Devon that he was planning on having a party. "He told me that he wasn't sure if he could get away from Annette," Reed told me with a frown. "So I guess she'll be there spreading the joy." He smiled at me, "Who do you want to invite?"

"Well, I wanted to invite Janie and Cary but if Devon and Annette is going to be there..." I sighed.

He told me that nothing happened at his birthday party so we should go ahead and invite them. "Oh! And maybe if you want, you can invite Nadine and her husband, they seemed like really nice people."

When I gave him a funny look, he asked me what was wrong. "Ummm, you know that Chris is still at their place, Nadine might not want to leave him alone."

He was silent for a while, a long while I was expecting him to say to forget it but he surprised me. "I guess if he wants to come, he can." When my jaw dropped to the floor, Reed smiled down at me as his fingers brushed against my chin. "What does it say about me if I let him bug me when I know you love me and are happy in my arms?"

"Ok," I said slowly as I searched his face for some indication that he hadn't totally lost his mind. "Who are you and where is my Reed?"

Reed just laughed as he pulled me into his arms. "I love you my darling."

****

So I have today off work because of the holiday, I get a day off with pay on every stat. This morning I went to the day care to ask Nadine if she wanted to come over on Sunday and she jumped at the invite.

"Thank you!" She exclaimed when I asked her. "I thought I was going to have to spend another holiday sitting at home watching others having fun on TV!" She told me she would be there, "with or without Hal if he doesn't want to go out."

She was as surprised as I was when I told her that Reed said to extend the invitation to Chris as well. "Maybe he realizes that Chris isn't a threat to him when it comes to you."

I told her I hoped so and then went to get Alexis so that we could go and run the errands for the party...but Alexis didn't want to go with me! She tried to push me away when I went to pick her up! "Come on Alexis we have lots to do today."

Alexis turned back to her friends and pointed at them as if to say she wanted to play.

"Why not just leave her here?" Nadine offered when she saw Alexis didn't want to go. "Go do whatever you have to do, enjoy the day and I'll take care of Alexis for you."

I didn't want too but I ended up leaving Alexis at the day care. "Call me if there's a problem and I'll be right here to get her," I told Nadine as I walked to the door.

It felt nice to be out doing errands without Alexis, it certainly made everything go a lot faster not having to worry about her.

I stopped for lunch at one of the cafes along main street. I was seated about to bite into my sandwich when my cell rang. I thought it was Nadine, but it ended up being Janie.

"I'm going crazy!" She told me with an groan. "Cary's parents are insisting that we get married at their house by their minister and I want to get married here in the church that I grew up going too! What am I going to do?"

"I don't know Janie, do you tell his parents that you wanted to get married here?"

She told me yes, "But they seem to think that I'm being rude and saying that their place isn't good enough for me to get married. They think that I'm embarrassed that Cary doesn't come from money."

I rolled my eyes, "Well we both know that's not true. What does Cary say about it? Where does he want to get married?" She told me that he said that he wanted her to be happy. "What does that mean?" I asked. "Does that mean he wants to get married here or that he just doesn't want to get involved?"

"I don't know!" Janie cried. "Amber what am I going to do? His parents are already spoke to their minister and they said he was excited about marrying Cary and me."

I shook my head, "Janie you have to figure out how to make your dream wedding happen while trying to satisfy Cary's parents. You don't want them to think you don't care about where Cary came from."

"Amber, that doesn't help!"

"Janie, I can't tell you want to do! You said you'd married Cary, you have to figure out how much you are willing to do to make that happen."

She was quite for a while. "What would you do if it was you? Would you give into Reed's parents?"

I laughed, "No! But the situation is different Janie! Reed's parents already don't like me and nothing I can do will change that. But when Reed and I do get married, I can tell you now, it won't be in a church."

"Where would you get married then?" I smiled and told her how I would become Mrs Reed Johnson. When I finished Janie sighed, "That's so romantic Amber! And Reed would go along with it because he loves you so much! You are so lucky!"

I told her that Cary would do the same thing once she decides what she wants to do. "Just don't shoot his parents ideas down," I told her. "Give in on some things if you have too but stick to the things that matter the most to you."

Janie thanked me and said she had to run. I dropped my cell onto the table and grabbed my sandwich, I was so hungry. I sunk my teeth into the meat on my sandwich, closed my eyes and chewed contently, the sandwich was so yummy. When I finished the piece in my mouth, I opened my eyes to reach for my drink.

I almost knocked my glass over as I saw Devon sitting across from me, looking like he just lost his best friend.

"Tell me I didn't overhear you correctly." He leaned across the table, grabbing my free hand in his. "Please tell me that you know another Janie who is dating a guy named Cary."

"Devon, I -"

"Please Amber!" His hand tightened on mine.

"I'm sorry Devon," I put my sandwich back on it's wrapper. "Cary asked Janie to marry him and she said 'yes'."

Devon dropped my hand to the table and leaned back in the chair. He avoided looking at me for the longest time. I wished that there was something I could say to make this better for him but I couldn't think of anything. "I'm sorry Devon," I repeated softly.

He glanced at me for a brief moment before getting to his feet. "I didn't deserve her anyway," he stated.

I felt a crushing sadness as I watched him walk away, I never seen him look so defeated as I did when he made that last statement. I wanted to run after him and tell him that if he went to Janie, told her how he really felt and why he didn't think he was worthy of her, she would change her mind about Cary.

But I didn't. He had hurt her so badly and even though I believed she still loved him, I didn't know if she would believe he loved her.

God, I want to cry so badly right now.

No, I want to go see Reed and make sure he knows how much he means to me.

Planting A Seed Of Self Doubt

Last night Reed had a dinner meeting with a client so Alexis and I were left on our own to do whatever we like.

It's been raining like crazy around here for a couple days we were feeling a little boxed in. Yesterday it was a wonderfully beautiful day so I asked her if she wanted to go out for a walk. You should've seen the look on her face! I swear if she could speak she would've said, 'mommy that's the best idea ever!'

Ok, maybe she wouldn't have said that but I like to think that she would.

We got ready to go out and Alexis was just babbling away to herself, every now and then I would hear her say 'dada' and 'poppoppop'. I wish I knew what she was saying...

Just after we got out onto the street my cell phone rang. It was Janie. FINALLY!

"Where the hell have you been?" I asked. "I've been worried sick about you!!"

"You sound like my mother!" She laughed, "Expect you aren't slurring your words!"

"Well of course I do!" I snapped, ignoring the last part about her mother. "You tell me you are going out to a street play and I don't hear from you for days? No one knew where you were! Don't flipping do that ever again!"

"What are you doing just now?" She asked me, totally blowing my concern away. I told her I was pushing Alexis in her stroller down main street. "Ok don't go anywhere!" She giggled, "I'll be there shortly!"

"You don't even know where on main street!" I said but it was too late she had already hung up the phone.

Ten minutes later, I heard someone yelling so I turned to see what was going on. A block away on the other side of the street I saw Janie half running/skipping with Cary in tow behind her. She was waving with her free hand and calling out my hand.

"Amber!" She called out as she pulled Cary out into traffic almost getting the poor guy hit my a car. "Oh screw you too!" She yelled at the driver who honked the horn and screamed out the window at her.

"Amber!" She exclaimed when she finally got to where I was standing, totally embarrassed as everyone on the street watched us. "Oh Amber!" Janie threw her arms around me and hugged me while jumping up and down. "I can't believe it!"

"Janie," I gave a nervous chuckle as I tried to stop her long enough to find out what the hell she was on. "What's going on?" I asked when she finally let me go.

She shrugged and raised her hand to her face, resting it against her cheek. "I don't know," she told me with the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face.

"Well Janie if you don't...." my voice trailed off. "OHMYGOD!" I grabbed her hand from her face and stared at it. "Is this...?" I glanced back and forth between Janie and Cary.

"Yes!" Janie squealed.

I stared in shock at the ring on her finger...I wanted to ask if they were crazy, they didn't know each other all that long but instead I found myself looking up at them again asking, "How did this happen?"

"Well..." Janie grinned, giving Cary a lovestruck look before turning back to me. "It happened at the play." She looked at him again.

And so did I. "Ok," I planted my hand on my hip. "You are going to have to leave so I can get all the details," I told him jokingly.

Thankfully he laughed and excused himself saying he had some things he had to pick up. Once he was gone I turned expectantly to Janie. "Well?"

"Well..." she smiled. "It happened at the play, which blew but we had fun anyway." She went on to tell me that they walked back to Cary's place after the play. "It was so nice Amber, he had his arm around me the entire time and he kept giving me little kisses when I least expected them. I never felt so special before." She told me that when they got back to his place, they grabbed a couple drinks and headed out to sit on his balcony. "He was sitting on a lounge chair and I was sitting across from him, he told me to come over, so I did. After we had been sitting together for a while, he started to tell me how beautiful and special I am and how lucky he felt to have me in his life. I didn't think much of it, he always says that but then he told me he wanted to ask me something and...well," she held up her hand. "I said yes!"

I couldn't believe it. I wanted to say congratulations but I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that they were engaged after knowing each other for a very short time. It's only been...holy crap! It's been a month now, I didn't think it's been that long. But still, it's not really that long.

"Amber?" Janie was frowning as she looked at me. "You aren't happy?"

"No it's not that," I told her. Sighing, I told her that I was concerned because it was so new still. "I just don't want you to rush into anything."

She told me that she wasn't rushing, she loved Cary and they were getting married. "And I want you to be my maid of honor!"

I couldn't say no to her.

Soon Cary came back and they both left.

I don't know. I'm happy for her but I'm not...does that make sense? I don't want anything to ruin the happiness she feels right now but I'm worried that she is rushing it.

Is a month long enough to know if someone is right for you?

And if that's the case, what does that say about me and Reed? We've known each other for two years and we aren't walking down the aisle...

With Reed's best friend and my best friend getting married, I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing something wrong. I have a guy who means the world to me, who rocks my world and makes me feel like I'm his whole world - I know, a lot of worlds in that - yet we haven't managed to come together to the point of marriage.

I guess that's not true, if it was up to Reed we would be married.

So if there's nothing wrong with him...

...is there something wrong with me?

Or am I just freaking because I'm crazy?

All Over The Place

Alexis and I were finally allowed back into day care Monday! I can't even begin to tell you how excited the both of us were to walk through those doors and see the smiling faces of the little kids as they saw us. Alexis' little group of friends came running over and they all talked at once as they told her they were glad she was back!

Despite coughing once in a while, I made it through the day fine, so I was happy.

Just as we were getting the kids ready for their parents to come and get them, Nadine sort of pulled me aside. "I didn't know if you would be here today or not," she started. "Hal is working and our car is in the garage and he offered so I could..." her voice trailed off as she looked over my shoulder.

"Couldn't what?" I asked her as I turned around to see what she was looking at.

Or should I say who?

"Chris?" I took a step back, almost stepping on Nadine.

"Hey," he shifted uncomfortably. "I'll just wait in the lobby Aunt Nadine." He turned and headed for the door but didn't get too far because Penny was there ready and waiting to pounce on him.

"Sorry Amber, like I said I didn't know you would be here and he is staying with us and the car is in the garage."

I told Nadine that she didn't have to apologize, "What happened between Chris and I seems so long ago now," I told her. It did seem like it was forever ago since I last saw him, I didn't even care that he was there.

Although, it would've been better if Reed didn't decide to come by and surprise Alexis and me.

Let's just say that even the kids knew that there was something wrong.

Reed gave Chris a dirty look before he made his way over to Alexis and scooped her up off the floor. "Hey Princess," he kissed her cheek and made his way over to me. "Hello my love," he wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me close, kissing me on the lips.

Nadine excused herself and went to speak to one of the parents that just arrived.

The second she left Reed asked me what Chris was doing there and how long he was there. I told him that he just arrived and that he was giving Nadine a ride. "Please don't make a big deal out of this Reed," I begged. "He isn't here to see me, I haven't talked to him since I moved back here."

"I just don't like him Amber."

"Reed he hasn't even done anything to you!"

"No?" Reed frowned, "You think that I can forget that he thought he could lay his hands on you hard enough to bruise? I want to punch him out for touching you like that!"

"Reed," I tilted my head to the side and smiled up at him. "While I appreciate that you care enough about me to feel that way, I don't wish for you to lay a hand on him in any way. I'm with you and I'm happy where I am, I've made my peace with him and I think you should too."

"I don't want too," he told.

I frowned, "Well I want you too." He asked me why. "By what Nadine told me last week before I got sick, Chris is moving here and he will be staying with them for a while. He is Nadine's nephew and I don't think it would be a good thing to want to punch out someone who is related to a person I work with. I want to be able to hang out with her outside work and I don't want it to be an issue if we happen to run into Chris."

Reed told me I was asking for a lot.

But he didn't tell me if it was something he would think about or if there was no way in hell he would ever be civil to Chris.

Am I being stupid for thinking we should be civil?

Janie thinks so, she thinks that asking Reed to be civil to Chris would compromise my relationship with him. "He's going to think that you still have feelings for him and it's not going to go over well Amber."

"But I don't have feelings for Chris," I told her. "Just like you don't have feelings for Devon anymore."

Ok, that was my way of seeing if she would say she didn't care about Devon or if she would finally say that she did.

But she didn't say anything, she just shook her head and told me that she had to get going. "Cary is taking me to some kind of street play."

I raised a brow and she laughed, "I know, it sounds strange but he tells me it's really fun."

Janie promised to tell me about it later.

That was two days ago, I haven't heard from her since and I'm a little worried. I haven't been able to get her on her cell or at home. I don't know what's going on. I even went to Cary's work to see if he was around and they told me that he called in and said he wouldn't be in for a few days. "He sounded pretty bad," the waitress told me.

I don't know what to think about this but it is freaking me out. I asked Reed what he thought about it and he said that maybe they just went on a spur of the moment trip. "We did that once before, do you remember?"

I smiled, I remembered of course. We went to the mountains at the last minute, not telling anyone. We bought everything we needed when we got there and had a blast. Of course my parents weren't too happy when we got home and neither were the police.

"We should do that again," he told me with a smile. "I think we deserve it."

I told him that sounded like a good idea.

And it did.

A couple days alone with him in the mountains doing nothing but having fun....

...and taking care of our daughter.