Who We'll Be

"I found the perfect costumes for you and Alexis!" Reed exclaimed when he walked in the door a couple days ago after work. "It's probably the coolest idea ever!"

Reed loves Halloween. And I mean really loves it! It's almost the same as Christmas for him. At the end of last month, I came home to find bags of decorations all over the house and Reed up to his elbows in fake cobwebs. Inside and out, my house looks like a freakin' haunted house. He has even cleaned out the garage and with the help of Devon and Sean, he's set up a 'scary' place to hang out for the Halloween party he's been preparing for. Reed is in his glory and Alexis has finally stopped being scared of the life sized mummy in the living room.

"What did you find?" I was in the kitchen going through all my baking supplies to see if I had enough to make the list of treats that Reed found online and requested for the Halloween party that I mentioned already, the one he decided to throw for all of the kids at the day care on Halloween. He doesn't want to take Alexis out trick or treating, he says she's too young and she'd be tired and cranky if we do that. Apparently many of the other parents who bring their kids to the day care agreed with Reed, most of them jumped at the chance to bring their kids out to our house for the party.

When I told Nadine about the party, she volunteered to come over this weekend to help me with all the baking and as well as Tuesday to help with the last minute prep. My mom and Reed's mom have volunteered to come over for the party to help out and Janie said she would be there with bells on - Devon said 'literally' - I'm not sure what he meant by that and I'm not sure I want to know.

"Give me a minute," he threw over his shoulder as he scooped Alexis off the floor where she was banging on pots and pans she pulled from the cupboard.

"What are you up too?" I asked as I followed him down the hallway to Alexis' room.

"Stay in the kitchen!" He disappeared into her room and closed the door.

"Ok," I said slowly as I returned to the kitchen to add to my shopping list. I just finished my list when I heard Reed behind me. I turned around to see what he found. "That is so cute!" I rushed towards them, trying to get a better look at Alexis' costume. "What did daddy buy you?"

Reed put Alexis down on the floor as I knelt down in front of her. "Ohhhh," I cooed. "You look so adorable in your little sheep costume!" Alexis tugged at the satin piece that went down over her hands and gave me a look that spoke volumes, she wasn't so sure she liked the soft white chenille fur jumpsuit with black legs and cuffs with a matching character headpiece with its little ears and pink satin bows.

"You are going to be the cutest little girl at the party!" I told her while I gave her a big hug. "And you," I stood up with Alexis clinging to me and reached for Reed. "You are everything a woman could ever hope to find in a man! I love you and I love that you are such an amazing daddy."

Reed chuckled as his arms wrapped around Alexis and me. "I love you too," he kissed both of us. "Now," he smiled down at me. "It's your turn, go slip into your costume for me. It's in Alexis' room hanging over the rocking chair."

Excitedly, I turned to go down at the hall, wondering what he could've possible got for me. I stopped short, a sense of dread washed over me. "You didn't get me a sheep suit too, did you?"

"No!" He laughed out loud. "Oh God that would've been hilarious to see though, you in a sheep suit. Baa!"

"Baa!"

"Baa?" Alexis piped up and looked offended when we laughed.

I heard Reed asked Alexis if she wanted down as I neared her room. "Where are you going Lexi?" He called out and then said my name. I turned at her room door to see her coming towards me saying, 'baa, baa, baa, baa, baa'.

Once she was in her room with me, Alexis ran over to her toy box and started pulling everything out. "Reed honey, you might want to come take that costume off her before..." my voice trailed away as I spotted a white top and skirt with blue ribbon and little blue bows on it but it was the white staff with blue bow that made me laugh.

"Don't go laughing Bo Peep, just put that costume on." As he bent to scoop Alexis up, he said, "Come here little lost sheep."

While Reed played with Alexis, I stripped my sweats off and slipped into the knee lenght layered skirt; each of the four layers had blue ribbon weaved through the bottom edge. "Don't forget the stockings and shoes," he pointed to the bag that was hiding under the skirt.

Sitting down, I pulled out the white stockings and black flat, rounded toe shoes, with a little strap that he bought. Once both of those were on, I stood again to put on the boned bustier top. The top was trimmed with lace at both the waist and the chest and blue ribbon crisscrossed up the front, tied in a bow at the top. And then to top it off there was a white bonnet with blue ribbon weaved through it, which tied in the black to hold it on my head, and the staff.

"Well?" I stood in front of Reed and Alexis, waiting for his reaction.

"Perfect," he stood up and reached for me. "I think you should wear that around the house for a while," he whispered against my neck. "You look hot."

"Reed!" I giggled but didn't move away from him. "Thank you."

"No problem," he grinned and then told me that it took him a while to find this costume with the knee lenght skirt. "Everywhere I checked, on line and in the stores around here, it came with the high thigh skirt, which wasn't a problem for me but I didn't want all Alexis' friends to see where she came from!"

"Reed!" I slapped his shoulder. "That's not funny!"

"No?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, I thought it was." He kissed the tip of my nose, his hands sliding down my back to cup my bum. "You like my costume choices?"

"Yes," I kissed him. "It's cute, Bo Peep and little sheep. But," I frowned. "What about you? What are you dressing up as?"

"Why a Shepard of course!" He chuckled. "I saw a little teddy bear costume and I thought about the two of us being bears as well, but damn I tried on the adult bear suit, it didn't work for me, too hot and bulky, we wouldn't be able to move around like we need to at the party. Then I thought Mary and little lamb for you and Alexis but then what would I be? The little lamb suit was so cute though, Alexis would've rocked it!"

"I guess there's always next year for Alexis to be a little lamb."

"Yes, there is but maybe next year it'll be Mary and her little lambs?"

The comment came out of no where, it surprised me. "What?" I stared up at him.

He shrugged, "I was just thinking out loud, that's all."

"Oh." That's right, that's all I could say. Reed moved away mumbling something about changing Alexis and then getting something for supper.

After supper, while I was out picking up the stuff I needed for the party still, Reed's comment was running around inside my head. He had joked about having another baby before, he even jokingly told Janie we were trying but it was the first time he ever mentioned it seriously.

Does that mean that all the other times, he wasn't joking? He would like to start trying for another baby?

A couple months ago, the idea of another baby with him right now would have scared me a little because I wasn't sure about us but now? I would love to share that experience with him. I think he would be supportive and caring, maybe a little too much at times, but he would be there to experience everything. He wouldn't miss any of the firsts with our second child, which would mean the world to both of us.

But how would Alexis react to having another baby around? Would she be jealous? Or will she be fine?

I guess if Reed's grandmother has her way, there won't be another baby for us until he slips a wedding band on my finger. Not that I'm going to stop him from making love to me over a ring.

We'll see what happens. We already did the baby before marriage thing once and it's not like we don't love our little girl any less because of it. Another baby before marriage wouldn't upset me.

But marriage before another baby wouldn't ruin my dreams either!

One Track Mind

Since last week I've been expecting Reed to say something about an engagement ring or to talk about getting married but he hasn't. It's driving me crazy! I know I should be patient and wait for him to make the proposal but I just want to grab him and tell him that I want to get married - NOW!

God it's funny, a couple months ago I was telling him I didn't want to even think about marriage. Now it's all I think about. I've been secretly browsing Bridal magazines while I'm out shopping. I've already know what type of dress I want, I've picked out the cake, flowers, and invitations already. Well, I know which ones I want to have. I even know what dress I want my little flower girl, our beautiful little girl, to wear.

And if that's not crazy enough for you, I've caught myself writing "Amber Johnson" on a couple cheques the other day!

ARGH!

I know I could take matters into my own hands, I could ask him to marry me but I know he'll be upset if I do that. Reed is a romantic, I'm sure you all know this by now. I know that he has thought about asking me to marry him, he told me that he was going to ask me before I moved away. I'm 100% certain that he has some sort of plan and time line. I know it'll be so romantic and wonderful when he does ask me. I don't want to miss out on that moment by asking him to marry me.

Sigh.

So I will wait.

Maybe if I stop obsessing over it, he'll ask me.

Moved

I moved to here so Amber could have her space back and to avoid the confusion over whose post you were reading...

Shining Star

After work yesterday, Alexis and I decided to head to grocery store to do a little shopping. Well I guess I decided to go, Alexis really had no choice in the matter but she didn't complain either. Then again, if I was getting pushed around in a cart and given a cookie at the beginning of my ride, I wouldn't complain either.

"What do you think daddy would like for supper?" We were standing in front of the prepared meals section of the deli, Alexis was really getting a kick out of the whole chickens on rotisserie as they slowly made their rounds. "One of those?" I asked her when she pointed to the glass. "Ok," I smiled. "Mommy can make some mashed potatoes and gravy when we get home," I told her as I placed the chicken in the cart. "Oh! Maybe daddy would also like some corn?"

"Ahhh!" Alexis squealed as she turned around to see where I put the bagged chicken.

"I'll take that as a yes," I kissed the top of her head. "I love you so much."

We only spent a total of twenty minutes in the store from the moment we got in until we went through the cash. It was probably the fastest time I've ever had!

Back at the Jeep, I strapped Alexis into her car seat, loaded the groceries into the back and parked the cart in the cart return before hopping in myself.

I was about to pull out of the parking stall when my cell phone rang. After putting the Jeep back in park, I pulled my cell out. "Hello?"

"Hello darling, how are you doing?"

I couldn't help but smile, every time Reed calls me, I feel like I did the first time we ever spoke on the phone. I told him that Alexis and I were about to head home, "We had to make a stop at the grocery store first though. We should be home within 15 minutes."

"That's good," he said. "So you didn't start dinner yet then?"

"No, but we did pick up some thing for dinner. You know those chickens we've been meaning to try for a while? I got one of those and thought I could whip up some mash potatoes and gravy. What do you say? Does it sound good?"

"Yeah..."

I frowned, "Reed what's wrong? If you don't feel like having that, I can make something else."

"No Amber, it's not that."

"Well what is it?"

"See...the thing is..." Reed sighed. "Sean just called me up, he asked if I could go grab a bite to eat with him, he wants to talk about something. I told him I was sure that I could but I wanted to make sure that you didn't mind."

"Oh."

"Do you?" Reed asked. "Do you mind if I hang out with Sean for a couple hours?" He paused and like it was an afterthought, he quickly said. "I don't have too if you wanted me to come home, I'm sure he'll understand."

"It's ok Reed," I told him. "You can go hang out with Sean whenever you need too, I'm glad that you called to let me know that you wouldn't be home."

"You aren't mad?"

I chuckled, "I'm not mad. Alexis and I will just have ourselves a girls evening. Have fun with Sean and I'll see you when you get home."

"Ok," he sounded happier now. "Love you darling."

"I love you too," I smiled into the phone before hanging up. "Well," I turned back to look at Alexis. "Looks like daddy has other plans for dinner tonight, it's just you and me."

When we got home, after all the stuff I bought was put away, I debated calling Janie to see what she was doing but when I picked up the phone to dial her I remembered that she mentioned she was meeting Devon for dinner at the club. She didn't sound too excited about it though. When I asked her about it, she told me that she just had a lot on her mind.

I really wish she would tell me more about what's going on with Devon but since the night that I interrupted their meal, she's been vague when it comes to him. Not that I really blame her, if she tells me how she feels, I tend to argue Devon's case and I know that's not what she wants, she wants me to be in her corner and feel her pain. I don't see the way he talks to her or treats her when I'm not around, all I know is what he tells me and what I see, all those moments point to Devon being really serious about Janie this time around.

I don't know. Maybe she found what she's looking for from him last night. I hope so. I want her to be happy.

For dinner, I still had the chicken. I made a sandwich for me and for Alexis, I warmed up a potato that was left over from the night before, cut it up into small pieces, with some chicken.

It was still early when we were done our dinner, so I decided to head into town, to the mall, to kill some time. I was going with the idea to take Alexis to the small play area at the mall for a few minutes. She loved that area, she liked sliding down the slide the most out of all of it.

To get to the play area, I had to pass by a few stores and the food court. As we were walking, I stopped short in front of the jewelry store, remembering that I had to pick up a ring of Reed's that I put in to be repaired a couple weeks ago.

While I was waiting for the guy behind the counter to finish with the customer he was helping, Alexis and I began to look around.

I was admiring a couple engagement rings when a lady popped out of nowhere. "Would you like to try one on?"

"No," I started to step back as she unlocked the little door behind the rings.

"Are you sure?"

"Well..." I glanced down at Alexis, she didn't say 'hurry up mom, I'm bored' so I said, "Sure, why not?" She asked me what I wanted to see and I pointed to a couple rings.

I had tried on two that I wasn't too happy with after they were on my finger when the lady gave a little gasp. "I thought I knew who you were!" She exclaimed before starting in on a story of how her mom and my mom have been working together on some charity event for the pass ten years. "You are seeing Reed Johnson," her eyes went wide. "Are you...?" Her gaze went to my ring finger.

"No," I shook my head. "We aren't talking about marriage." It was true, we haven't talked about marriage at all. And that was a sore spot for me. I didn't think I wanted to get married yet, I know I told him that when I made all these changes in my life but now I wasn't so sure. "I'm just seeing what's out there," I told her with a smile. "If he does ask me to marry him, I want to be sure I know what I'd want in a ring!"

"Oh, I know what you mean," she launched into another story of how she had been dating her husband for a while and when he asked her to marry him, he had picked out the ugliest ring. "I had to exchange it, I couldn't wear it. It was like he didn't even know what I like and I know that's not true, I told him what I liked."

I smiled at her but I couldn't help but think that it would be wrong to return a ring that your man picked out for you with great hopes in mind. I didn't know if I could do that to Reed, I would feel like it would send him the message that he wasn't good enough, somehow.

"Do you see anything else you would like?" She asked me and then started to suggest rings for me to try on. I tried on a couple but they weren't me, so I kept looking.

"That one," I gasped as I jabbed my finger downwards a little harder than I meant too. "I think that's the one!"

The lady pulled out the ring I was talking about and 'ooh'ed. "Yes this one is very beautiful," she lifted it from its display and held it out to me. "Can you see your boyfriend down on one knee, holding this ring out as he asked you to marry him?"

I nodded, unable to speak as I stared at the ring. My hand was actually shaking when I reached for it. "Ohhh," I chuckled nervously as I slipped it onto my finger. It was perfect. It was everything I wanted it to be. I wanted to buy it and run home to give it to Reed to give to me when he felt the time was right.

"It seems like it was made for you," the lady commented.

I couldn't do anything but stare at the ring on my finger. "How many diamonds are in this ring?" I asked as I started to count them.

"34, plus the main stone."

"Oh my."

"The front and back are set with 12 stones each and each side as five leading up to the main stone."

"And it's white gold?"

The lady shook her head, "No honey that ring there is Platinum, it tends to run a little more on the pricey side but it does look splendid, wouldn't you agree?"

I nodded and she continued. "And that ring as part of a set, the wedding band is set with 9 diamonds." She reached back to the display and pulled out the wedding band. "Try it on."

I felt giddy as I slipped the wedding band on with the engagement ring. Seriously, there were butterflies in my tummy as I gazed down at them. "I want these," I whispered.

"Well for the set it -"

"No!" I exclaimed a little louder than I planned on, everyone in the store glanced over at us. "Sorry," I muttered before telling her that I didn't want to know how much the set was. "If Reed decides to ask me to marry him, he's the only one who needs to know how much he spent on the rings."

The lady nodded, showing me she understood and then suggested that sign up for some kind of registry that would help insure that I get the rings I want when Reed was ready to buy them. I was thinking about that and staring at the rings on my finger when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I glanced over my shoulder. "Sean!" I shoved my left hand into my jacket pocket. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for Reed to come out of the bathroom," he made a show of looking around me and at the display case I was standing in front of. "What are you doing?"

"I..." I quickly looked around the area to see what else was close by that I could say I was looking at but there wasn't anything besides more engagement rings.

"Yes?" He raised a brow as he grinned knowingly.

I spotted the man I was waiting to finish when I first came in. "Reed's ring!" I blurted out. "I was here to pick it up, it was being fixed." I started to walk away when the saleslady called out to me.

"Miss Sands could I have the rings back please?"

"Rings?" Sean leaned against the counter. "What rings Amber?"

"Miss Sands?" The lady seemed to be getting a little uneasy and I couldn't blame her, I was going to walk away with a couple expensive rings on.

"Right," I went back to the counter, turning my back to Sean so he couldn't see but he was tall enough to look over my shoulder as I placed the set on the counter. "Sorry." I went to get out of there but Sean grabbed my arm and held me in place as he asked the sales lady if he could check out the rings.

"Wow," he let out a low whistle. "That's a piece of work alright."

"Just give it back to her Sean," I tried to take it from him but he wouldn't let me.

"Doing a little 'wish' list shopping are you Amber?" He handed the ring back tot he lady. "Thank you."

I crossed my arms. "I was really here to pick up Reed's ring."

"Of course," he smiled. "Where is it?" He scanned Alexis' stroller. "I don't see a jewelry bag."

"I didn't get it yet," I snapped.

"Oh," he nodded. "Of course, you were distracted, I understand."

"Please don't tell Reed," I begged him. "We haven't talked about marriage, I don't want him to think I'm pressuring him to make a choice."

Sean frowned, "Pressure him? Amber you were only looking at rings, how would he see that as pressure?"

I shrugged, "We haven't talked about it, I don't know if he wants to marry me. I just don't want him to think he has too if he's not entertaining those thoughts."

He started to sputtered, like he was trying to say so many things at once. I wanted to ask him what he was trying to say but Alexis alerted us to Reed's arrival by yelled out 'dada'.

"Hey," Reed came over to us with a big smile on his face. "This is a surprise," he leaned down to give Alexis a kiss. "Hello princess, are you having fun with mommy?" He laughed when Alexis giggled. "And how about you?" He straightened up and pulled me into his arms. "How are you doing my love?"

"Good," I told him before giving him a kiss on the lips. "We were going to head to the play area for a couple minutes."

"Oh," Reed gazed down at Alexis. "Are you going to go down the slide?" She nodded her head. "So what are you doing here?"

"I remembered that your ring was back," I told him.

And Sean jumped in, "Yeah, it's all fixed."

Reed gave him a funny look. Sean must've motioned or something because his eyes lowered to the display case behind me. "Amber...?" He didn't look happy.

I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Well we better get going if Alexis is going to slide. It's getting late." I quickly started to make my way out of the store.

I had gotten about one store lenght when Reed fell into step beside me, "You were looking at engagement rings?"

"Yes...no...well maybe."

"Well which is it?"

I sighed and stopped walking. Turning to him, I told him that I ended up looking at engagement rings instead of picking up his ring, which I really did go in there for.

"Oh," was all he said.

"I can't help it," I told him. "I've been thinking about it lately and the rings were there and so I looked." He nodded. "I didn't think you or Sean were close, I didn't think I would get 'caught' checking them out either."

"You want an engagement ring?"

"Yes...no...I..." He frowned. "Damn! I love you and yes, I've been thinking about our future and whether or not we'll get married. I can't help it! But you haven't said anything and we haven't talked about it so I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want you to know that I was looking at them, I asked Sean not to say anything."

He rubbed his forehead with his fingers before asking me, "Why?" as Sean called out to him.

"I didn't want you to think that you have to ask me. I don't want you to feel pressured to make that move if you didn't want too."

He stared down at me and for once, I couldn't read his expression, I didn't know if he was mad or relieved. Sean called out to him again, he glanced over his shoulder briefly. "I have to go," he told me. "Sean needed to do some stuff here and then we were going to go out for a drink."

I nodded and mumbled something about Alexis and the slide.

Reed kissed Alexis and me before he turned to meet up with Sean again. He had gotten about five feet away from me when he turned back and said, "Oh Amber? Don't worry, I don't feel pressure to do anything."

'I don't feel pressure to do anything.' What the hell does that mean? I've been trying to figure that out all night but I went to bed no wiser. Reed came home later than I expected him too, he was a little drunk, which I didn't expect either.

I don't know what to think anymore.

It Should Be A Good Thing!

I was sitting in the middle of DWs last night with Cary, debating whether or not we were going to play a game of pool or just sit and hang out when my cell phone rang. "It's Devon," I told him after looking at the caller id before flipping my phone open.

The waitress came by to see if we needed anything else as I said 'hello', Cary asked for another drink for the both of us.

"I take it that was Cary," was the first thing Devon said to me.

"Wow, it's nice to hear your voice too," I replied sarcastically.

Devon ignored it. "I had hoped that you would be free to come join me for a few hours now that I'm home but I guess there's no chance of that now."

I wanted to join him but I'll be damned if the way he said that made me angry. "Well would you blame me?" I asked him. "It's not like you are making it sound like you really want me there."

The waitress bought our drinks, which surprised me, I had forgotten that Cary was sitting across from me. My stomach turned when I looked up to find him staring at me, with a smile on his face.

I didn't want him to be smiling! I wanted him to mind his own business. And yes, I did want to see Devon but damn it! I'm stubborn!

"Why don't you come down here?" I challenged him.

"Hell no!" He snapped. "I'm not in the mood to see that little pissant or to watch you flirt with him. I'm tired and I want to relax in my own home, with my girl. Do you think that's possible?"

"Not with the way you are talking to me, it's not." Inside I was singing from hearing him say I was his girl.

"Janie," he groaned. "Please come over."

"I just got a new drink," I told him. "It would be rude for me to leave it without attempting to drink it." I really didn't care about the drink but those words were ones I heard from him a number of times when we had dated before.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'm going to bed." Click.

"Fucker," I snapped my phone closed.

"Something wrong?" Cary sounded concerned but the look in his eyes didn't match his voice.

"No," I grabbed my purse. "I have to go," I told him as I slipped out of the booth we've been occupying for the last couple hours.

"Have to?" He stood with me. "Devon demanding you leave at once and glue yourself to his side?"

"No!" I glared at him. "Devon doesn't tell me what to do! I want to go, it's getting late and I have to work in the morning."

Cary glanced at his watch. "It's only nine Janie."

"I know," I told him. "Just don't ask, I want to go home."

"Ok," he grabbed my jacket and held it up for me to slip into. "If you ever need to talk," he said as he helped me into my jacket. "Just give me a call, I'll listen."

"Things are fine Cary," I flashed him a smile.

"Are they really?" He slipped his jacket on as I nodded. "Ok," he motioned towards the front. "If you say so but I have to tell you, I'm starting to wonder because you spend an awful lot of time with me."

I didn't say anything to that, I knew it was true, I have been spending a lot of time with him. I hate to admit it but I was doing it because he was doing something Devon wasn't, he was paying attention to me, showing me that he really liked spending time with me.

I left DW's last night with the plan to go straight home but once I got on the road, I found myself driving to Devon's place.

The whole time it took me to drive to his place and walk to his front door, I rehearsed what I would say to him.

But ten minutes later, I wanted to scream and cry because I was still standing on his door step waiting for him to answer his door. He never came to the door, he didn't answer his phone when I called him either.

And his car was sitting in front of the building.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I told myself that I deserved it if he was snuggling up with another woman already, I certainly wasn't giving him an signs that he would be snuggling up to me anytime soon.

I know everyone thinks I'm nuts for my behaviour when it comes to Devon but damn it let's face it, he's never been faithful to a woman in his entire life and he hasn't lowered that wall around his heart to let me in enough to feel that I really mean something to him.

I don't want to play this game with him. I don't want to be hurt again. I know I'm holding him at arm's lenght and waiting for him to show me a reason not too is probably getting in the way of whatever happiness I could have with him.

I'm scared....oh...hold on a second, I have a delivery.

OH MY FREAKING GOD! You all should see the bouquet of flowers I have sitting on my desk at the moment! OH MY GOD!

Yes, I'm at work, it was a boring day so I decided to post here to kill some time.

The flowers, I love them. I was going to call Devon to tell him I loved them but Joey stopped me, she found the card that came with them. "You didn't see Devon last night, did you?" She's my closest friend at work, I told her about my night when I came in this morning.

"No, why?"

"I don't think you want to be calling him then," she cleared her throat and read the card. "Thank you for last night."

"What??" I ripped the card from her hands. "Noway, these have to be from Devon! Cary wouldn't..." I read the words and my heart dropped. "No," I sunk back into my chair. "What have I done?"

Joey has gone out to run an errand and I just spent the last couple minutes staring at the beautiful bouquet of white & pink roses, nestled in a bed of baby's breath and mauve lilacs. I wanted so badly for these flowers to be from Devon, I went online to look up the meanings of all of them.

Let's just say, according to the site I looked at...I think Joey is right, Devon couldn't have sent them....

Roses - white & pink....I love you still and always will...
Lilac, mauve...do you still love me?
Baby's Breath...happiness

Damn it! damn it! DAMN IT!

I think I'm in trouble here.

Just Going Along

My week started out pretty good, with a holiday. There's nothing wrong with having a long weekend, I love it when I have three days off but, is it just me, or does a four day work week seem to drag out much more than a normal 5 day week?

I wasn't planning on doing anything for Thanksgiving, my mom hasn't been in the mood for holidays since my dad left, so I figured that I would just ignore the day; not that sitting at home watching my mom get drunk and go off on how much my dad ruined her life - how she gave up everything for him and he never gave her a damn thing - was exactly the most exciting thing in the world to do.

Amber had invited me to join in her Thanksgiving with Reed's and Sean's family but seriously? Who wanted to be there for that? I didn't see it going well at all, it couldn't, they were family and doing something with family was the best way to ruin a holiday. I have to say, I admire Amber for taking all that on, hosting Thanksgiving for your man's newly discovered brother? Wouldn't be me, that's all I have to say. And while I think she was crazy for doing it, I understand that she wanted too so that Sean wouldn't feel like he didn't belong, so he wouldn't leave.

I also had another invitation, Cary invited me to go to his grandparents for Thanksgiving with his family. I told him that it would be uncomfortable considering that we weren't together anymore and they all knew how I cheated on him with Devon while we were engaged.

"It doesn't matter," he tried really hard to convince me of that but in the end, I declined. He asked me if I was sure. "I don't want you to spend Thanksgiving alone," he told me. When I told him I wouldn't be alone, that mom would be there, he just gave me this look that spoke volumes.

Devon had mentioned something about his family's yearly reservation at the club Sunday night when I saw him but he never outright asked me to be there. Hell, he didn't even hint that he wanted me there. With things a little stained between us, I wasn't about to assume that he wanted me to be there.

Monday morning, I was seated at my kitchen table, bored out of my skull. I didn't think not doing anything for Thanksgiving would get to me but as I sat there with a tub of Smartie Ice Cream in front of my and a big spoon in my hand, I really wanted to cry.

"I'm very thankful to you Nestle," I said bleakly as I scooped out a spoonful and held it up to my mouth. "Screw eating them last; I eat the red ones with a lot of ice cream."

I was on my third spoonful when I heard a thump from upstairs, but I didn't even bother to check it out, mom was sleeping off another 'headache'.

"Who needs turkey when you have a tub of ice cream to keep you company?" I wondered out loud. "And it's a lot cheaper too!"

Ok, so I was miserable. I wanted to call Amber up to tell her that I would be over, if the offer still stood. Hell, I was even thinking that it wouldn't be too late to call Cary and see if I could tag along with him. I was damned if I was going to call Devon.

By the fifth spoonful, I stared down at the ice cream and sighed, might as well get fat. I was about to dig in for the sixth spoonful when a knock sounded at the door. I was going to ignore it because I wasn't expecting anyone but the knocking continued.

I made my way through the living room to the front door. "What?" I snapped as I flung the door open.

"Hey there ba - why aren't you ready?" Devon looked horrified as his eyes travelled down over my old pj pants and ratty t-shirt. "You can't go to the club looking like that!"

"I'm not going to the club," I told him. "So what does it matter what I wear?"

"Janie!" I had turned away from him, he closed the door and followed me back to the kitchen where I picked up my spoon again. "What are you doing? You are going to ruin your appetite," he took the spoon from me. "Look, just go upstairs, shower, change, whatever you have to do. It's getting late, we have to be there in a half hour."

"I don't have to be anywhere," I yanked the spoon from him. "I wasn't invited."

"Weren't invit...Janie! I told you last night we were going to the club with my parents." He pulled out a chair and sat down. "Come on baby don't do this today, please?"

I was feeling very defiant but I was also feeling a little alone and depressed from sitting there by myself. "Ok," I handed him back the spoon. "I'll go but you really have to work on your 'invitations' because telling me that your parents are having dinner at the club like they always do it a hell of a lot different than asking me if I would like to join your family for Thanksgiving."

I didn't give him a chance to say anything, I was on my way towards the stairs. "Oh," I turned to him. "Don't eat all my ice cream while I'm in the shower."

We arrived at the club a little later than he wanted too. "Come on," he motioned to me as he spotted his parents in the busy restaurant.

He started to walk on but I stopped, I hadn't been to the club that much, I was feeling a little nervous about walking in there. "Devon," I called after him. "Please wait a minute."

"We're late," he told me but he did stop.

"I know," I told him as I stared up into his handsome face. "How do I look?"

His lips turned up into a slight grin as his eyes trailed down over the baby blue satin dress that clung to every curve of my body. "You look good," he told me when his eyes came back up. Well up as far as my breasts anyway. "Come let's go." He started on his way once again but stopped when he realized that I wasn't following. "What's wrong now?"

"Nothing," I started forward. "I guess it's too much to ask that you pretend you want to be here with me."

"What is that supposed to mean?" His hand circled around my arm, preventing me from going any further.

"I mean," I glanced over my shoulder at him. "You didn't ask me to come with you, you expected I would. When I get ready in the shortest time possible, you didn't even saw anything about how I looked. We get here and you don't even wait for me, you run ahead as if you are ashamed to be seen with me. Is this how it's always going to be Devon?"

"I don't know what you are talking about," he said defensively. "You wouldn't be here if I didn't want you to be. What more do you want from me?"

I stepped back from him, "What more do I want from you?" I shook my head. "I don't want anything more than you want to give me Devon."

He stared down at me for a moment before asking, "What does that mean?"

"Everyone tells me that you love me but yet every time you get a chance to show me, you don't." I gazed off over the heads of all the people in the dining room before turning to him once again. "I want you to love me Devon, I don't want to have any more of these lingering doubts," I offered him my hand. "Is that too much to ask for?"

He didn't say a word as he took my hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm.

I wish I could say that he started to show me now much he loved me after that but dinner went off without any sign of love from him than he's already done. His parents were great, they were happy to see me and excited about the fact that we were back together but inside I was hurting.

I haven't seen Devon at all since Monday, he had business out of town that kept him away. He did call me every night, to talk but we didn't seem to really talk about the main issue, we skated around it. I guess I didn't want to get into it over the phone, and maybe he didn't either. He is supposed to be getting back into town later today and he wanted to meet up with me but in true Devon style, he waited until the last minute to tell me; I had already made plans with Cary.

Which pissed Devon off.

Busy Weekend - Part Two

From the time we left the restaurant Saturday afternoon up until Sunday afternoon, Sean had called me about twenty time or more, thanking me for being so thoughtful. "I never had anyone do something this big for me before," he told me repeatedly. "I can't thank you enough, you have no idea how much I really needed to see them."

I would tell him that it wasn't me he should be thanking, it was his sister Gina, she was the one who called me and asked me to help her plan this. "She's really the one you should be talking too."

"You know, she downplayed her part in all this when I spoke to her too." Sean laughed, "Whoever did it, I'm really grateful that they did."

Now if you all noticed, I said until Sunday afternoon. That's because Sunday afternoon was the moment his family decided to come over to help me with some prep before Monday's meal. Prep I didn't even know I was going to be doing, or should I say, baking I didn't know I was going to be doing.

By the time Sunday night rolled around, I had so many pies, rolls and other baked goods in my house, I thought I was opening a bakery!

Reed loved it! He couldn't help but commenting on the yummy aroma from all the baked goods and he tried to sweet talk me into letting him sample bits of all of it.

I was grumpy, after pretty much being told I didn't have enough food planned for this meal, having my menu changed completely and even the way I planned on serving it changed, I just wanted to get it over with.

So when he made those comments, I cracked, I told him if he wanted fresh baked goods all the time the he was living with the wrong girl. "I work," I snapped. "I don't have time to waste in the kitchen! We have a daughter who demands all the time that working and being with you doesn't occupy!"

"Hey!" He grabbed hold of my hands, pulling me down on the couch next to him. "Darling you need to relax, I'm not asking you to start baking all the time, I just said it smelt good in here and wanted to know if I could have something now."

"I'm sorry," I snuggled up to him, burying my face against his chest. "I just want everything to be perfect for your brother but I spent most of the day being told it wasn't good enough."

"Amber," he kissed the top of my head. "That's not what I heard," when I looked up at him he said it wasn't. "I heard them say that these other things were stuff they always have. Don't think of it as them saying what you have isn't enough but as them trying to do the same thing you are, trying to make this Thanksgiving perfect for everyone."

I know what he was saying was right but still it hurt to have someone come in at the last minute and change things on me. Maybe I was just too controlling.

Or maybe Sean's family wasn't going to fit in with us that easily.

Then again, I could be too emotional.

I mean, why else would I have actually been the one to ruin the Thanksgiving that I worked so hard to make wonderful?

That's right, I said me...I'm the one who made the big scene this year. I'm the one who made Sean's family feel uncomfortable.

And it all started of so innocently with Alexis standing at the door watching Reed and the other men outside while all of the women were in the kitchen getting dinner ready.

"Dadadadadada!" She started off with just 'dada' but it didn't get any response, so she changed to a steady stream of it and it got louder and louder the longer she stood there. "Dadadadadadada!"

The women in Sean's family tried to get her attention, showing her different toys as they tempted to lure her away from the door but she didn't want them or the toys they offered, she wanted to be outside with her dad.

I didn't blame her, I wanted to be outside with him too. It had been a long week and we barely seen him, so we were both missing him.

"Just plop her down with some toys, or a video," Gertie told me after five minutes of Alexis calling out to Reed. "She'll soon lose interest."

Lynn told me that I should give Alexis some little task to do for dinner, "that will keep her from interrupting the men."

Not wanting to be rude, I did what both of them suggested but each time Alexis went back to the door and started her 'dadadadadada' call all over again.

Every five seconds it seemed that someone was calling out to her, trying to get her away from the door. At least Sean's family was, my mother and Reed's mother, who weren't really doing much to help with dinner were saying that it was normal for Alexis to want to spent time with her dad.

"Alexis," I called out to her and she turned to me. "Come see mommy." I knelt down and she came running over to me, her little face screwed up as she huffed at me while pointing to the door, "Dada."

"Just give her some of this," I turned to see Gertie holding out a cookie which Alexis batted away when I tried to give it to her.

"Dada!" She wiggled in my arms and cried while staring at the closed door.

"Maybe she needs a nap," Lynn suggested.

It was getting too much for me, Alexis' calling out, everyone throwing their two cents in on the matter, I had enough.

"No," I scooped Alexis off the floor. "She wants to be outside playing with her daddy." Amid protests of sending Alexis outside, I dressed her for just that.

I left the grumbling behind as I opened the door and walked through it. Alexis was grinning so happily as the cool air hit her face, "Dada!" She exclaimed, almost bouncing in my arms.

Off in the distance, down by the lake, Reed was running around playing some kind of game with Sean, Landon and Dwight. My father, Roger, Mack and Tom were all seated around the patio table having a drink and shooting the breeze. When they saw me come out, Mack asked me if dinner was ready.

"No," I smiled at him. "Alexis just wanted to come outside to be with Reed." I started off towards the gate that separated the house from the lake when I heard him make some comment about watching children being the woman's job. "Excuse me?" I had hoped I didn't hear him right.

"My poor ol' mum, God rest her soul, would have ten underfoot and still turned out amazing meals all the time. She didn't complain once."

I raised a brow as I looked around the table - Tom was nodding his head in agreement but my father and Roger weren't saying anything.

"It's a shame," Mack said to the other men. "That young people today don't know what's right and what's wrong."

"Excuse me?" I shifted Alexis onto my hip and stared down at him. I must have spoken a little louder than I thought because the house door opened and everyone seemed to be watching - except for the guys down on the beach, who couldn't hear us.

"I'm just saying that's all."

"You are just saying what?" I asked him as I heard my mother say my name. "No mom, I really want to hear what he has to say."

"Well little lady, I'm just saying that a woman's role is to cook and clean and look after the youngsters."

"And the man's role is what?"

"Why to provide for that family!"

"Oh!" I looked down at Alexis, who was struggling to get down. "Well around here, if my daughter wants to play with her dad then she's doing just that! He helped make her, and he can damn well do his part to make sure she's happy!" I stomped off, knowing that I probably shouldn't have said that but who were they to tell me that Alexis wasn't allowed to play with Reed?

I made a beeline straight for Reed when I got to the beach, he seemed a little surprised to see us. "Hello my love," he gave me a big smile which started to falter as he came closer. "What's wrong?" He put his hands on my arms, looking into my eyes, searching for an answer.

"Alexis wanted to play," I told him. "But everyone thinks I'm a bad mother because I'm bringing her down here to you instead of watching her myself." Reed took Alexis from me and asked me what I was talking about. Sniffing, I told him about the last few moments, "They think I'm a bad mother Reed." He pulled me close and I continued. "I just wanted everything to be perfect and I ruined it!"

"Darling you didn't ruin it," Reed kissed the top of my head. "If Alexis wants to come play out here, it's fine, you know I love spending time with her."

"But Sean's family..." I groaned, "He's not going to be happy when he finds out I was rude."

"You weren't rude," I heard Sean say but I was too ashamed to look at him. "My family are a little backwards in some of their thinking, I know they didn't mean to insult you Amber."

"I'm sorry," I turned to him. "I didn't mean to snap at them."

Sean shrugged, "Don't worry about it, it'll be forgotten in a moment." He gave me a one armed hug and told me once again how happy he was.

I went back to the house but I still felt like crap, I tried to apologize for my behaviour but Sean was right, his family had already moved past it. His mother told me not to worry about it, that Mack never did think before he spoke. "We don't always stop to think that there are some people in this world who live by a different set of rules," she squeezed my hand. "It doesn't mean we are wrong, or right, it just means that we are different. And if that young man of yours is happy and you are happy, then that's all that should matter."

Ok, so maybe I didn't totally ruin Thanksgiving but for a moment, it felt like I did.

Overall I guess you should say everything turned out alright. We eat, talked and laughed all through dinner and a couple hours afterwards. Everyone said they had a great time and hoped that we could do it again soon.

Some one suggested getting together for Christmas...

...I think as long as someone else was holding it, I was all for it.

Busy Weekend - Part One

As I told you all last week, I invited all of Sean's family down for Thanksgiving - partly so we could meet them but mainly so Sean wouldn't feel so miserable here when the only family he has known were hours away celebrating without him. I wanted this to be a surprise for Sean, so I didn't tell anyone besides Reed about my plans and he thought it was a good idea not too.

Well, maybe I should've told them, then maybe they wouldn't have been so upset when they found out that his family was in town. And maybe they wouldn't have been so mad at me for 'trying to control things and making decisions about the family when I had no right to do so'.

Sorry! I thought their son's happiness was the most important thing in all this and Sean wanted to see his family!

Friday night I got a call from Sean's sister Gina, she called to say that her parents, Rae and Dwight, and Landon and her were all checked into the hotel. "I just want to thank you," she told me at the end of the call. "I know my brother will be so happy when he sees us all again!" She went on to tell me that Mack, Lynn and Bonnie were coming too. "I don't know when they were going to check in but mom did say that they were going to be here tonight."

I didn't hear from Mack until the next morning; they were late getting in but they were here now and that's all that mattered.

We had made plans before they came here that we would all get together for lunch on Saturday so that we could meet everyone and Sean would know that his family hadn't forgotten about him like he thought they had.

The only problem was, breaking the news to Lucinda, Roger and Madeline. Let's just say they weren't too happy that we were setting them up to meet Sean's family without warning. There were complaints about our methods, where we planned to go for lunch and the fact that we planned on having Thanksgiving dinner at our place instead of the club, where they've been having dinner for years.

It was so bad, their reaction, I was actually in tears and had to leave the room. Reed stayed behind, his voice carried as he told his family to stop being so selfish. "This is Sean's first Thanksgiving with us, he misses his family and Amber was only trying to make him feel more at home here. Do you think that he's used to going to the club for a 'family dinner'? No! He's used to his mother -"

"She's not his mother!" I heard Lucinda exclaimed.

"She is his mother!" Reed told her. "She's the only one he never knew and he's used to her cooking dinner, not ordering it from a menu!"

"Why is Amber trying to hurt us?"

Reed groaned, "She's not trying to hurt you mom, she's trying to make Sean feel like he belongs and if bringing his family here, meeting them, and cooking dinner from scratch is what makes him feel like he belongs, then that's what she's determined to do! And I stand behind her 100%!"

In the end, we all went to the restaurant in the hotel where they were all staying. I thought it would be best if we met with them for a few minutes before Sean got there so we could get to know them a little and it wouldn't be so awkward for him.

I guess I was being naive, thinking that it would go smoothly. It wasn't completely horrible but you could see the judgement on Reed's families faces the moment they spotted Sean's family. Then again, I guess they didn't realize just how different Sean's upbringing was, that 'dressed up' for them (the men anyway) was their favorite cowboy boots and hat with a pair of jeans and a dress shirt not a pressed shirt and tie with a pair of dress pants. That wasn't the only difference but it was the first one that we noticed when we walked into the restaurant.

And I have to say, I was very disappointed when I heard Madeline mutter, "Oh my Lord, they are a bunch of hicks!"

"Madeline!" I gave her a dirty look, I didn't care for one moment that she was the head of Reed's family, with that attitude she would alienate her oldest grandson and I didn't want that to happen, I wanted Sean to be at home with us because of Reed. "Come on honey," I smiled up at Reed as I slipped my hand in his. "Let's go meet our new family." Sean's family hadn't noticed our arrival at the restaurant, so they didn't see the judgemental looks in every one's eyes when they saw them, which I was very grateful for.

As Reed and I made our way over to their table, one of the older men looked up, smiled brightly and then slowly the smile disappeared. At first I didn't realize why but as we reached the table, he stood up and with his eyes on Reed, he introduced himself as Mack.

"For a moment there I thought you were my boy!" He laughed as he stared at Reed. "Sean said you guys looked alike but hotdamn! you could be his twin!" He pulled Reed into a big bear hug, "Good to meet you," he said when he released him and turned his attention to me. "You have to be Amber," he said. I nodded and he went right to Alexis, who was staring at him with an amused look on her face. "Oh aren't you a pretty little thing!" He took Alexis from me, "Come give Papaw Mack some sugar!" Alexis let out little squeals of laughter as Mack rubbed his whiskers against her soft cheek.

"Mack where are your manners?" The lady who was sitting beside him when we came in was not standing, looking at us as she held out her hand. "You'll have to forgive my husband, he just loves them babies. I'm Lynn," she smiled and then introduced us to her daughter Bonnie before pointing out Sean's mother. "Gertie will take it from here."

Gertie introduced her family and then I introduced Reed's family to all of them. About ten minutes had passed from the time we walked in until that moment and we only had about twenty more to use to get to know each other better before Sean was supposed to arrive.

And I'll be damned if the little bugger didn't show up ten minutes early!

"No shit!" I heard Reed muttered as he poked me in the side and pointed to the doorway where Sean was talking to one of the waitresses.

"I'll be right back," I jumped up and hightailed it over to the front counter, happy that we were seated near the back where he couldn't see us right away.

"I'm sorry sir," the waitress was saying. "We didn't have a table for 6 for this time, are you sure it was today?"

"Yes, my sister in law said that -"

"Hey Sean!" I gave him a hug and the waitress slipped away. "I'm so glad you could make it but you are way early!"

"How early could I be," he asked. "If you are already here?"

I ignored that one. "Come on," I took his hand. "Close your eyes and -"

"I'm not closing my eyes Amber, I would look a little silly walking through a restaurant like that."

"Oh come on," I smiled up at him. "You'll be my favorite brother in law if you do it."

Sean laughed, "I'm your only brother in law, so that won't work."

"True," I laughed. "But that doesn't mean that you have to be my favorite."

He thought about that for a moment and just when it looked like he was going to argue with me, he closed his eyes. "This doesn't mean that I don't feel like a moron," he told me as we started towards the back of the room.

Sean was completely shocked when I finally let him open his eyes again; he looked like a kid who had gotten everything he wanted for Christmas, when he saw his family seated around the table. "Mom, dad!" Mack and Gertie both got up and met him halfway; it was so good to see how excited they all were to see each other again. "This is..." he seemed to be at a lost for words as he went around the table, hugging every single one of his family members. "I can't believe you are all here," he said finally. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I thought you all had plans..."

Gina laughed through her tears; it had been a few months since she had seen him. "We made plans to come see you," she looked at me. "With Amber's help."

"You did this?" He spun around to face me, his expression unreadable as he stared at me.

"Yes," I nodded. "Reed and I wanted to do this for you, we wanted you to be happy."

He shifted from one foot to the other as he looked back and forth between Reed and me. "You have no idea..." his voice broke. "Thank you," he pulled both of us into his arms, almost squeezing the life out of me. "You two are amazing."

I was pleasantly surprised how well lunch went after that considering the differences between the two families but having Sean there, talking about him, his past, how he grew up and what he's doing now, seemed to bridge the gap more than anything else could have.

I was starting to think that Thanksgiving dinner with both families wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would be...

Don't Speak - You Just Confuse Me

At first I was really upset that Amber took it upon herself to show up at the restaurant where I was having dinner with Devon. I mean, there I was ready to tell him that it wasn't working and they walk up as if it was a surprise to find us there.

I guess for Reed it was a surprise, he was expecting to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and she was more interested in interrupting our dinner; I can't believe that he didn't lose it on her when he realized what was going on but I have to give him credit, he's really good at hiding his anger some times.

I was mad at Amber, I was going to excuse myself and pull her to the washroom to let her have it but before I could do that, I noticed something.

Devon's attitude towards me totally changed when they joined us; no longer was he stiff and cold to me! No, he had moved his chair closer to mine, wrapped his arm around the back of my chair, smiling and laughing along with them.

I was confused. My first thought was that he was putting on a show for Amber! I have to tell you now, if I ever hated my best friend, that was the moment. I sat there in my chair, with his arm around me and I wanted nothing more to reach across the table and tell Amber to go the hell home because Devon was mine.

That's right people! I was extremely jealous! How could he have a thing for my best friend? His best friend's true love?

And how could I have been so blind not to have seen it?

I'm not sure how long I sat there, fuming, thinking about every single moment that Devon showed me some real attention lately; it all seemed to be when we were with Amber. I felt so stupid, humiliated even. I wanted to throw my drink in his face and storm out of the restaurant, telling him that he could try all he wants but he would never have her.

But then I remembered the night he 'kidnapped' me and brought me to the house he was working on for Kelly; Amber wasn't there that night but he was acting like he did at the restaurant.

I was confused, I thought it was all because of Amber but there were a couple other times that he acted loving towards me and she wasn't there.

I turned to him, he smiled at me before turning his attention to Reed, who was telling some story about Alexis; I gave Reed my attention too. At the end of his story, he turned and gave Amber a kiss on the temple, like he had done a million times before, it was sweet and I know Amber loved it. I was in the middle of thinking 'why doesn't Devon do little things like that?' when he shifted beside me.

"Have I told you how wonderful you look tonight?"

His whisper at my ear surprised me to say the least, it had been a while since he was that close to me or said something like that to me. "No," I glanced up at him. "You haven't told me that."

"No?" He frowned slightly. "What was I thinking?" He lowered his head, his lips brushing against my cheek. "Janie..."

I waited but he didn't say anything. "Thanks Devon," I turned back to Amber and Reed.

Devon sighed, his breath caressed my cheek and goosebumps appeared on my arms. "There isn't a single word to adequately describe how amazing you look Janie."

Without turning to him, I raised a brow; he grunted his disapproval when I didn't look at him. I thought he was going to move away but he didn't, he pressed his lips against my neck; I had to bite my lip to keep from responding vocally to his kiss but he knew just what his touch did to me, his satisfied chuckle told me that.

An hour and a half later, I excused myself and motioned for Amber to join me. This part Amber didn't tell you about, maybe she didn't think it was important, or maybe she thought it was better if I explained it, I don't think she ever understood what I was talking about.

"Ok," I said the second the door closed behind us. "Is it just me or is something strange going on here tonight?"

"What are you talking about?" Amber disappeared into one of the stalls and closed the door; I walked into the one next to her.

"You didn't notice it?"

"Notice what Janie? How much Devon is hanging off you? Or the whispering he's doing in your ear? Or oh! The kisses he gives you?" She chuckled, "No I didn't notice those at all."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" I exclaimed. "All of that! Did you notice anything about them?"

"Ummm..." she hesitated, "...he seems to really be into you?"

I groaned.

"Well he did!"

"Yeah!" I scoffed. "Only after Reed kissed, touched, or whispered to you did Devon do any of that!"

"Oh my God Janie!" Amber laughed, flushed her toilet and walked out of her stall. "Hurry up because I have to see if you are being serious or not!"

A few moments later, I walked out of my stall and joined her at the sinks. "I'm serious Amber, the only time Devon did any of those things, was after Reed did."

"Janie..." Amber was shaking her head. "He loves you, he told me that."

Pulling my chap stick out of my purse, I popped the cap off. "Well he has a funny way of showing it! He's never that touchy feely when you guys aren't around!"

Amber told me I was being paranoid but when we returned to the table, I took notice, and again every thing Reed made a move towards Amber, Devon would wait a couple minutes and then kiss me.

We've gone out since that night, he was back to not being that touchy feely anymore.

I don't know what to think of it. I don't think I'm seeing things just because I want there to be some explanation of his behaviour. I think that he's doing it because Reed does, only I can't figure out if it's because he thinks he has to put on airs in front of our friends or if he's just taking his cues from Reed as to what he should be doing.

Could this be an act?

Or could Devon not be sure how to treat me now that he says he loves me?

I know I'm reaching here; chances are that he's just not that into me and it's all just for show.

But then why would he claim love and devotion to Amber and Reed?

Why the hell do men have to be so complicated? Why can't he just tell me what he's thinking?

Is he trying to drive me insane?

So Many Plans, Why Did I Say 'Yes'?

Reed told me a long time ago to stop butting into every one's affairs but I'll be damned if I didn't do it again; this time though, I think Janie might get really mad at me because of it.

See, the other night when I went out with Janie, she told me that she was ready to give up on Devon and I tried to talk her out of it but she still seemed more likely to give up on him than to talk to him about what was bugging her.

I know, I know! She did say she would talk to him and she has been thinking about what she really wants from him but...I don't know, I guess I figured I could help her.

Yes, I do read all her posts and I know she'll end up reading this one but I just had to tell someone what I did.

It's not like it was earth changing but it was meddling. I want to say that I'm only trying to help her like she thought she was helping me when she deleted Reed's emails from my account but would that be seen as me just 'getting' back at her? God I hope not! That's not that I was trying to do, I just wanted to help.

And I didn't think that she, from what she told me before she was to meet Devon last night, was ready to really talk to him; she seemed to be little upset and I didn't want things to end without her giving it her best shot.

I know she loves him and I know he loves her! None of you see the way he is when he's thinking about her; no one hears the feelings in his voice when he's talking about her. I just wish that he was able to say all the things he says to Reed and to me, to her! I don't know why he holds back when she's right in front of him!

He says that his life would be empty without her, he tells us that she makes him want to be the 'good' guy, they man he believes she deserves to spend the rest of her life with!

I don't think he's just talking out of his butt here! I really don't!

Which lead me to drag Reed out to the restaurant Janie and Devon went too and butt in on their night!

I know! It was horrible for me to do that! Reed got mad at me when we got home, after I told him why I wanted to go there, he asked me to promise him that I would never do that again. "Amber they have to make their own mistakes! You can't just butt in whenever you don't like what's going on, they are adults and you should respect their choices, even when you don't agree with them."

He's right, I know he is. And I hate it when he's right.

But it didn't stop me from telling Devon to smarten up or risk losing Janie.

He told me something along the same lines Reed did, he told me to get my nose out of his life, he knows what he's doing.

I think he's going to lose Janie. I don't see her staying with him if he's not giving her the attention she wants when there are a couple other guys who are interesting in giving her all the attention she could ever want.

That's right, I did say two.

I don't think Cary is completely over Janie, even if she says they are just friends.

And I know Colin was disappointed when I told him that Janie had a boyfriend yesterday after he hinted around that he would like to have her number.

Now, what's going on with me?

Well when you look at Janie's life, mine is soooo boring! But I wouldn't have it any other way. Despite a few small arguments every now and then, Reed and I are doing great, which I'm sure you all know from Janie's entry the other day! I'm still blushing about that whole 'trying' comment of his. I love him so much.

Alexis is moving around with great freedom, getting into everything if we don't keep an eye on her; I'm starting to wonder why I encouraged her to walk. I mean, now she's walking, what's next? Going out and staying out all night? Bringing home strange boys? Giving her dad and me gray hairs long before our time?

Ok, ok. I know she's only 14 months old and won't be doing any of that for a few years yet but still, I miss the days where she would look to me for everything. I don't want my baby to grow up! It's happening way too fast! I told Reed the other day that I blame him for her independent streak; he laughed and told me that she got that one from me.

With the sense of lost I have now that Alexis isn't as dependant, I have been thinking about having more children but I know it's probably not the best time to even start - and Reed's grandmother would have a cow, she tells me she's ready for it, as soon as we get married. She's a nice lady and I love her but I don't know if I am willing to wait that long - Reed hasn't even mentioned marriage to me in a long time, I don't even know if he wants that anymore.

Speaking of marriage, there will be 'wedding' in the next couple months in Reed's family - his parents are renewing their vows at the end of November - it seems that things have heated up between Lucinda and Roger since Lucinda moved back in; in her words, "I never knew Roger was such an animal!"

Ewwwwww! I cringe every time she tells me that! But I am really happy for them, they seem to be working out all the issues they had and Roger does seem to be getting friendlier in this new relationship he has with Lucinda - a couple days ago he actually complimented me, he told me I've done a great job raising Alexis, she's the 'perfect granddaughter'.

I wanted to tell him it was about time he got his head out of his ass and saw that but I didn't. I'm just happy that he seems to have finally accepted that we are here to stay.

And now, Sean.

Sean has an open invitation to our home anytime he wants it; he hasn't taken us up on that one too often but he does come over for supper at least once a week. He tells me that he's still trying to find his place in our family but he misses his family.

Because I'm the coolest sister-in-law a man could ever have (according to Sean) I've invited all his family up here to meet us and spend Thanksgiving here; his sister, Rae, suggested it one night when I was talking to her through IMs. For the most part, his family has agreed to come, they'll be here on Saturday until Tuesday morning; I have hotel rooms booked for all of them - even the ones who aren't sure if they'll be here or not. Sean doesn't know anything about this, he thinks everyone has forgotten about him; it breaks my heart not to be able to tell him that they are coming to see him but they want to surprise him so what can I do?

SO with a houseful of strangers about to descend on us, I have a lot of stuff to do.