Is It Friday Yet????

If I tell you I was disappointed with my 'first date' with Reed, that would be a huge understatement. I was extremely upset with him before the end. I couldn't believe that he could be so thoughtless.


Maybe I'm over reacting? It's possible, I'm not known to calmly examine a situation before I fly off the handle. But I think I was completely justified this time! Plus, I really didn't fly off the handle, totally.

So yesterday, I found myself running out of time before our date. I ended up pulling on a pair of casual pants and a nice t-shirt. I wasn't looking too dressy or casual, I thought I looked just right. I made it to my parents' house with just before Reed pulled up the driveway.

Now before I go any further, I just want to say we didn't talk about what we would do on our 'date', I assumed that he would have something great planned because he mentioned before that he was already planning it. So I didn't ask where we were going or what we were doing. I guess it's not totally his fault that the date sucked.

We were getting ready to go when he did something I wasn't expecting, he picked up Alexis and started to get her ready to go too! "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Getting Alexis dressed, it's cold out there you know."

I glanced at my mother, she shrugged her shoulders and had this fake smile pasted on her face. I knew she was looking forward to babysitting.

"Why don't you leave Alexis here with us?" My father asked Reed. I gave my father a smile, I was thinking Reed would see that it would be better to leave her with my parents. Seriously, who can have a really romantic date with a baby crawling around?

"You want to go with mommy and daddy, don't you Lexi?" Alexis did, of course.

Although I really didn't want her to go, I let it slide. I was telling myself that it's still possible to have a 'date' with Alexis there, his attention will just be divided between us, that's all. It'll be ok!

We left my parents' house and we headed out. He took us to a fast food joint, where he spent most of his time in the play area with Alexis. I tried to get him to come back to the table but every time he went to take her out of the area, she started to cry. So I sat in a crowded fast food joint, watching my 'date' play with our daughter as I nibbled on cold fries.

But I was still hoping that wasn't the end, that he would do something that made everything I wasn't expecting ok.

When he finally managed to pull Alexis away from the play area without her screaming, we all climbed into his car and set off down the road.

And that's when he turned down a road I didn't want to go down. And pulled into a driveway that I wasn't wanting to pull into.

That's right, we went to the house.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the house. I just didn't think we would end up there.

As I sat there looking at the house, I started to talk myself into believing that something great was waiting inside for us. That we were really going to have that 'date' we were on.

Once inside the house, he took Alexis' coat off and let her roam free. He turned to me, smiled and pulled me into his arms. His lips were soft on mine, I smiled and thought finally! I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him as we kissed. It was great...for the whole minute it lasted.

Alexis called out to him, he pulled back to look at her and then took off. "No Lexi don't touch that!"

I turned to see Alexis tugging on material that had a picture of Winnie the Pooh on it. She wanted it.

I joined them, asking Reed what it was and he told me he was looking at different ideas for Alexis' room. "Tell me what you think?" He picked Alexis up and grabbed a book. He headed off towards one of the couches and sat down.

Thinking it would only take a moment to look through the book and then we would get back to each other. I sat down with him and glanced at the different pictures in the book.

It was two hours later and we were still 'discussing' decor. Alexis was rubbing her eyes, she wanted to go to sleep. "I guess I should take you two home," he said reluctantly as he put away the book.

We got back to the guest house, Reed insisted on putting Alexis down, so I went to my room and changed. I guess I was worried for nothing, I thought as I stared at myself in the mirror.

I felt so sad. I was disappointed that I was so nervous and excited about our date but he didn't look at it as anything special. I wanted it to be special. I wanted to feel like more than 'mommy' to him.

When I heard him walking around in the living room, I went out. I was thinking that maybe now that Alexis was sleeping, we could talk and maybe make out some.

"Where are you going?" I asked, he was in the middle of putting on his coat.

"I thought I would go do some work at the house," he gave me a smile. "I'm actually looking forward to moving everything in and living there like you suggested."

"Oh," I turned my head away from him. I didn't want him to see how upset I was.

"What's wrong darling?" He came over to me, he tried to turn my head but I pulled away from him.

I tool a deep breath, "If you wanted to spend time with Alexis, you didn't have to pretend you wanted to 'date' me."

"What are you talking about? Didn't you have fun today?"

"No," I shook my head. "I didn't!"

"Well, you were the only one! Alexis and I had a blast."

"Good for you!" I snapped at him.

"Don't be like this Amber, just tell me what's wrong."

I told him I thought we were going on a date. "We did," he told me.

"No!" I scoffed. "You and Alexis spent time together, bonding. Which is really good Reed but don't get there and tell me that today was even remotely a date. It had nothing to do with me and you as a couple!"

"Yes it did Amber -"

"No! It didn't!" I cried, "Do you even remember what it was like when we dated? You couldn't keep your hands off me! You talked to me like I mattered." I sighed, "I felt like you loved me."

"I do love you," he lifted his hands to my arms. "It's not easy to do all those things with Alexis around -"

"That's why she wasn't supposed to be there!" I pulled away from him. "You told me you had been making plans for our first date Reed. You made it sound like it was really going to be something. Well it was, it was a whole lot of something and nothing I ever want to do again!"

"What do you mean? You said you wanted to be together!"

"I do!" I closed the distance between us, I was so close to him that I could feel his heart beating in his chest. "I want to be with you," I whispered softly, my fingers stroking the back of his neck. "I want to hold you, kiss you, touch you and make love to you. I want to talk, laugh and share with you. I want to see our daughter grow into a beautiful woman along side you." I leaned into him and kissed him on the lips.

"Then what's wrong Amber?"

"I thought it was going to be just us today Reed! I thought I would get to do some of those things I just told you I wanted to do. The only one we even touched on was a kiss, for a couple seconds." I looked down, "And I thought with Alexis sleeping you would want to do some of those things with me but you just want to leave."

Reed started to say something but he stopped, pulled back from me and whipped off his coat before pulling me into his arms. "So what was it you wanted to do again?"

I smiled up at him, "Hold you, kiss you, touch you..."

"...and make love to me?" He asked hopefully but I could hear the humor in his question.

"Yes!"

His eyes went wide, "Well ok..." he looked around. "Where's your room?"

I smiled, "You know I don't do that on a 'first date'."

He called me a tease as he lowered his head to kiss me.

We ended up doing everything I wanted, except the making love part. So I guess it was a great date after all...once I told him what was bugging me.

We have another planned for Friday night, he told me it would be a real date and asked me if my parents would mind watching Alexis.

I'm so excited!

Is it Friday yet???

Starting With A Clean Slate

Sorry I didn't write yesterday, between the unpacking and Alexis, things have been crazy here. This is going to be a short entry...I'm running late. I have a 'first date' with Reed in a half hour and I'm not even sure what I'm wearing yet! Can you believe I'm actually nervous?

So the other day when I finally got back to town, I was met by my parents. I knew it wasn't a good thing to be met by the two of them but I hoped that nothing was wrong.

How did it go again? Copies and pastes so we are all on the same page...not that anyone could forget what happened at the end of the last entry!

When we got to my parents house, my mother was there to greet us, along with my father. "Hey!" I smiled at them. I was really wondering what was going on but I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"I'm sorry Amber," my father stepped towards me. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to move into the house."

My jaw dropped, I couldn't even think of what to say to that besides, "You have got to be freakin kidding me!"

So yeah, there I was standing on my parents front step, waiting to move in and my father tells me I can't. And I flipped.

"Amber please!" My mother glanced towards Alexis who was in my arms, looking up at me with a 'I'm about to cry' look on her face.

"I can't believe you guys! I asked you, not once not even twice, if this was ok and every single time you told me it would be fine. 'I just can't wait to have you home again', isn't that what you said mother?" My eyes jumped from one to the other, "What changed? And why did you have to wait until now to tell me?"

"Lenore," my father turned to my mother. "Why don't you show Janie and Alexis inside while I talk to Amber." It wasn't a question really, it was more of an order. And my mother, the dutiful little wife that she is, carried it out.

Once they were inside, my father turned to me. "Walk with me Amber and try to hear me out before you condemn me to the lions."

With my father leading the way, we walked around the house to the back yard. My father opened the knee high gate that surrounded the house and the pool. "These last few weeks have left me at a loss Amber," he started as he led me down the walkway. "I've always believed that I did the right thing for you, sending you away. I thought that you would be happier, I thought your mother and I would be happier but I was wrong; neither one of us have been happy."

I didn't say anything, how could I? It was all true, I wasn't happy and they didn't look like they were either. "I've been thinking about you moving back here," he stopped me. "I'm really glad that you are back home Amber, and I'm thrilled with the plans that you have made for your future and Alexis'. I was worried that you would feel that to be the perfect mother to your daughter, you had to be with her father." I went to speak but he stopped me. "Don't get me wrong Amber, I like Reed and I believe that you two are great for each other. Mind you, I didn't always think that way and yes, I did try to keep you away from him when I shouldn't have but I promise I won't interfere again."

"Thank you," I said when he stopped long enough for me to speak. "But why can't I stay here father? Where am I going to go?"

My father smiled at me, "Right here Amber." He waved his hand off to his side at the guest house that they had built after they kicked me out. "Now I know I told you that you could live in the main house but I thought that after all this time on your own, you wouldn't want your mother and me breathing down your neck."

"Oh," I know it wasn't much but that was all that came to mind to say. I wasn't expecting this, I really wasn't. Honestly I was expecting my father to make me move into Reed's house with him.

"You don't like it?" He glanced at the house and frowned. "Your mother had some guys come and remove all the stuff we had in there and it's all in storage. She wanted to paint it but she wasn't sure which -"

I didn't something totally unexpected, I threw my arms around my father's shoulders, giving him a big hug and I kissed his cheek. "Oh dad!" I cried, "I...I...It's perfect!"

My father was a little tense at first but soon he relaxed, hugged me and said something that made me bawl like a little baby, "Welcome home Cupcake."

Yes, that was the name my father always called me when I was little...I couldn't believe he remembered.

He brought me into the guest house and showed me around. There were three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a sunken living room and a dining room/kitchen. A small house to my parents but to me it was huge! I couldn't wait to unpack and make the guest house my home.

We were walking up to the main house when my father told me that he hoped that I would be happy in the house. "You can stay there as long as you need to Amber," a little smile played on his lips. "Don't ever feel you have to move out," he turned to me. "I know there are people who think you should be living elsewhere but I want you to know, your mother and I aren't among those people. We want you to be happy and if that means you live here for a month, or two or until Alexis graduates college or what not. Then that's fine with us."

When we went into the house Reed and Devon were in the living room with my mother, Janie and Alexis. Reed was on the floor playing with Alexis, Devon was trying to talk to Janie, but she was ignoring him as she spoke with my mother on little mundane topics.

"Amber," Reed looked up when I walked in. "Look princess, daddy told you mommy would be back soon." Alexis giggled, got to her knees and crawled over to me as fast as she could as Reed chased her on his knees.

Watching him with Alexis like that, seeing him throw away all his inhibitions, tugged at my heart strings. I loved him and I knew it.

I just can't wait to show him just how much.

Well, I guess I don't have to wait, he's going to be here any moment.

Eek! I still have to get dressed!

Seeing me naked on our 'first date' isn't part of the deal!

Unexpected Happenings

Yesterday I discovered something, it's not any thing that I didn't know before but rather some thing that I remembered while I was in the middle of it. I hate moving!

When I moved from my cousins place to this apartment, it wasn't so bad. I didn't have much so it didn't really take that much time at all. But this time? I don't know where I got all the stuff from! I swear there were things that I didn't even know I had.

But it wasn't the moving itself I guess that made yesterday so frustrating, it was the process of moving and all the little things that seemed to go wrong.

Like, I got lost going to the rental place - twice. When I finally made it there, the rental place ended up not having the trailer that Reed had rented for me. They tried to say that there wasn't a reservation made but I had the confirmation papers; Reed made me take them, I wasn't going to.

I had to wait until they brought a trailer in from another branch, I wasn't going running all over God's green earth just to get a trailer that was supposed to be at that shop, do you blame me? When I went to hook up to the trailer, I almost backed right into it.

I got the trailer home, went to back it up to the apartment building by the outside fire escape where we were told to to move stuff in and out of because they didn't want any damage to the inside walls and stairwells and there was a truck parked there. I didn't know who the truck belonged to, so I couldn't really do anything about it and I couldn't block off the entrance to the parking lot. I was so upset when I went back to the apartment. I had no choice but to carry all my stuff further.

Since I couldn't watch Alexis and bring stuff down to the trailer too, I stick her in her play pen and she just bawled! She didn't like that one bit. But what was I supposed to do?

Janie and I carried down two loads of boxes and were on our way back up the stairs when we ran into Chris, again. He was with guy. I don't think he was going to say anything to me at first, which would've been fine with me but on his way down he stopped and turned back. "What did you do? Lock her in her room?" He smiled as he nodded towards the apartment where Alexis was still screaming.

Until the second he said that, I was holding on to my emotions. I really wanted to be in there with Alexis, crying because of all the things that had gone wrong that morning but I knew I had so much to do. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and when I opened my eyes again Chris had come back up the stairs to me.

"What's wrong Amber?"

I was going to tell him that nothing was wrong but I found myself telling him everything about my morning. "...and there's a red truck parked by the building so I have to walk twice as far with my stuff. It just isn't my day," I told him.

"Uh huh," he nodded as he stepped to the railings, looking over he chuckled and glanced at his friend. "Steve, go move your truck." He turned back to me, smiling. "That's all taken care of, why don't you give me your keys and I'll move you over."

I hesitated, I wasn't sure that would be such a good idea. Would he think I want something to do with him if I let him move my Jeep? I mentally slapped myself when I thought that, of all the stupid things you think, this has to be the worst. He's only trying to help.

I ended up giving him my keys and I went into my apartment to grab another load. "Chris is moving the trailer over," I told Janie as I passed her.

"What?" She almost dropped the box she was carrying. "When did you change your mind about him?"

"He's only moving the Jeep. What's wrong with that?"

Janie gave me this look but didn't tell me what she was thinking because Chris and Steve came into my apartment. "You're all moved," he told me as he gave me my keys.

I told him thanks and followed Janie out of the apartment with some boxes. When we were on our way back up, Chris called out for me to stay where I was. "Why?" I yelled out.

"Because," he said as he slowly walked down the stairs backwards. "I don't want to squish you."

"Hey!" I gasped, "that's my couch! What are you guys doing?" I asked as Chris walked pass me with a grin on his face.

"He's trying to kill me," Steve grumbled as he came down he steps.

I tried to tell them that they didn't need to help but Chris insisted that they move the heavier stuff for me. "I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself and not be able to play with Alexis later."

"I told you it was a bad idea to let him move the Jeep," Janie whispered as the guys carried more furniture out of the apartment.

"Well," I picked up some boxes. "Do you want to lift the heavy stuff?" She told me that she didn't and then commented that it was nice to have the guys here after all.

They didn't just help with the heavy stiff, they stayed until every last thing was loaded into the Jeep or the trailer. I finished strapping Alexis in her car seat and thanked them for the help. "I just have to go turn in the keys," I told Janie.

"Mind if I walk with you?" Chris asked. I told him I didn't mind, I really didn't. I thought that if I told him I did, it would seem rude after he voluntarily helped me load everything up.

He was silent the entire time it took to walk over to the office and all the time I was talking to the landlord's agent. When we left the office, he didn't say anything either. I didn't know why he wanted to walk with me if he wasn't going to say anything but I didn't really worry too much about it.

Chris opened my door for me when we got back to the the Jeep and once I climbed in, he quietly closed it and turned to walk away.

"Thank you for your help Chris," I felt like I had to say something to him.

He turned and nodded, "Good luck with your future Amber."

I started up the Jeep as he joined Steve, who was standing next to Chris' truck, having a smoke.

"Ready to go home?" I asked Janie and Alexis.

"YES!" Janie screamed as she popped in a CD and cranked it.

When we got to my parents house, my mother was there to greet us, along with my father. "Hey!" I smiled at them. I was really wondering what was going on but I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"I'm sorry Amber," my father stepped towards me. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to move into the house."

My jaw dropped, I couldn't even think of what to say to that besides, "You have got to be freakin kidding me!"

Moving On

Yesterday was boring. Alexis was grumpy, all she wanted to do was be up with me. She wouldn't let me put her down for any more than five minutes, it was very annoying when I had to go to the bathroom. She didn't want Janie to hold her, she would bat at Janie's face anytime she picked her up. So I got very little done. Although, luckily there was very little left to do.

After Alexis' nap, Janie and I took her for a walk around town. I was telling Janie about Devon helping me get a job and she grew very quiet. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

"He never told me about that, the kids at the center." She stopped me, "Why wouldn't he tell me about that?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe he didn't want anyone to see that side of him."

"Or maybe he's a jerk!"

"Janie! Come on, he's not a jerk for not telling you about the kids. Maybe he didn't think you'd want to know, you never really showed any interest in kids before."

She shook her head, "No I don't think he really wanted me for anything more than sex!" She laughed, "God I've been so stupid Amber! The guy is engaged and I've been fooling around with him thinking that one day he'll realize that he cares for me and leave her. But he won't!"

"I don't know Janie, he did seem..."

"No!" Janie covered her ears, "I don't want to hear it! I'm done with Devon." She dropped her hands, "And you be careful! He can charm anyone when he puts his mind to it!"

I laughed, "Janie he's not going to try anything with me."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that Amber."

"Janie, I'm not interested in Devon. I love Reed, you remember him? The father of my beautiful little girl? The man that I've been in love with for the last two years?"

"I'm telling you Amber, Devon can be very charming when he wants to be. Be careful around him, he may be Reed's best friend but that won't stop him if he wants you."

I told Janie she was being silly and she told me that she knew what she was talking about. "Fine! I'll be careful around him. But I won't need too! It's not like he has any desire to be with me, so there's nothing to worry about!"

I believed that. I believed that Devon wasn't interested in me like that, I believed that he wouldn't do anything to ruin his friendship with Reed, or at least I liked to think he wouldn't cross that line.

But Janie gave me this look that made me wonder if there was some thing she wasn't telling me. I didn't bother to ask though, I wasn't interested in what Devon thought of me, I just wanted to finally be done with this move, start my job and begin my life. A life that included Reed.

This morning, I went to pick up the U-haul and when I got home, I ran into Chris in the parking lot. He was walking from the building to his truck, he stopped short when he saw me. I didn't want to talk to him, I tried to walk past him without saying anything. But when I got to the point where I would pass him, he put out his arm and stopped me.

"I know you don't want to talk to me," he told me as his arm fell to his side. "I just wanted you to know I'm sorry for what I said, I don't think you are a whore at all. I was upset, I had hoped that we could explore what was between us a little more." When I looked at him, he looked down at his keys in his hands. "I know I ruined any chance that you would want to be even a friend to me." He glanced at me, "Good luck with your new life Amber."

I wasn't expecting this from him, I really expected him to tell me what a mistake I was making. "Thank you," I smiled at him.

He smiled, a really big smile. And then he walked away.

It felt nice to have had that moment with him.

Now I have to carry everything down three flights of stairs and load it into the trailer.

Anyone want to help me move?

Show Me Your True Colors

When Reed called me not long after I posted yesterday's entry, I wondered what was up. It took him a while but he finally asked when I was supposed to meet with Devon.

"I have to be there for 2," I told him. I wasn't going to lie to him or try to hide it but I was going to make some thing very clear. "I don't want you to be there when I get there either Reed. I don't want to hear that you called or even went to see him either. I need to do this on my own."

"Why can't I be there?" He asked.

"Reed!" I shook my head, "How do you think it will look if you are there with me? Whatever Devon has in mind is for me professionally, not because he knows me through you. I need you to trust me and stay away, can you do that for me?" When he reluctantly agreed, I told him that I would tell him all about it when he got home that night.

"You are going to be there when I get home?" He sounded surprised and hopeful when he asked.

"Yes I'll be here, if figured there's no point in going to my parents' house when I'm only going to be leaving tomorrow to get Janie and all our stuff."

He didn't say much to that, he wished me luck with Devon and told me he'd see me when he got home. "Maybe we'll have some thing to celebrate," he said.

I was so nervous as I got ready for my meeting with Devon. I had no idea what I was supposed to wear or what I should bring with me. I didn't know if I should use his first name when I addressed him. I was about ready to have a breakdown to tell the truth.

I had asked my mother to watch Alexis for me while I was meeting with Devon. I was in the middle of telling her Alexis' schedule when the phone rang. Albert put the call through to me, it was Devon.

"I just wanted to make sure that you are bringing Alexis with you," he told me after I said 'hello'.

"Alexis?" I was confused why he would even want me to bring her with me. "I thought you..." I trailed off because I started to wonder if he was just messing around with me; maybe he's just using you for a good laugh. It would explain why he suddenly is nice to me.

"Yes, Alexis. The little girl who is your shadow most of the time; bring her with you Amber."

I told him ok, I still didn't understand why I needed her but he hung up before I could even ask.

My mother was very disappointed that she wasn't going to get to spend some time alone with Alexis. "Amber dear are you sure you can trust Devon?"

I shrugged, "Reed trusts him; I have to give him a chance."

So I quickly gave Alexis a bath and got her ready for her first business meeting. "Now babies don't get this opportunity Alexis; won't it something to put on that college application in 18 years?"

Even though I made the drive down to the area of Devon's office many times, this time it seemed so much different, like I was travelling down a road that may come to a dead end, or one of those little yellow signs with the arrows pointing off in both directions - a fork in the road, I guess it would be. Maybe that was the sense of fear talking, or maybe I was just trying to convince myself if nothing came from this, it wouldn't be the end. Either way, I was pretty damn nervous.

We arrived about ten minutes early. His secretary didn't believe me when I said I had an appointment to see him, she told me that he just stepped out of the office. "I don't know when he'll be back," she told me as she seemed to look down her nose at me; which was a feat in itself because she was sitting down but still.

"Oh really? Well then let me find out," I grabbed her phone, picking it up I punched in the numbers of his cell as she tried to stop me. "Don't touch me," I told her as I heard Devon's cell ringing - on the phone and in the office. "Well, what do you know?" I smiled at her as Devon answered his cell. "I'm hanging out with your secretary," I told him when he asked where I was. "Apparently you aren't here at the moment," I told him as he opened his door and walked out with his cell phone up to his ear.

The dirty looks I got from his secretary would've been funny if my whole future wasn't resting in Devon's hands. Well, I guess it wasn't but I'm allowed to be over dramatic. Devon asked me to hold on a minute as he asked the dragon lady giving me the evil eye to follow him into his office.

I'm not sure what he said to her but she was all forced smiles and niceness when she came back out. "Now Amber," Devon slipped his suit's jacket on and straightened it. "Let's go for a walk," he said as he turned me towards the door and led me out.

"I thought we were going to have a meeting Devon?" I looked up at him, "Please tell me you aren't wasting my time; that you aren't playing with my dreams here."

At the elevator he turned to me, "Amber I meant what I said; I have an idea that will help you get where you want to be in life. Well not exactly where you want to be but it will help you get your feet wet and decide if this is what you really want to do." The elevator doors opened, "Come on," he slipped his hand on my back and gave me a little nudge in through the doors.

Once inside, I noticed he pressed the button for the second floor, two floors down from where we were. "Where are we going?" He just smiled at me.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, I expected to see another stuffy office and stuck up secretary but the first thing that my eyes focused on was a big giraffe. "Devon...?" I shot him a questioning look but he was busy greeting the woman who came over to us.

"It's about time you visited us again Devon!" The lady engulfed him in a hug, "Are you going to read to the kids today?" She turned to smile at me, "They just love his voices for the characters," she explained.

I raised a brow as I turned my gaze to the blushing Devon.

"Oh Charlie not today," Devon motioned to me. "I brought Amber to see you," once again he slipped his hand to my back and nudged me forward. "Why don't you two talk," he held out his hands and took Alexis from me, "Alexis and I will go say hi to the other children." Before I could stop him, he disappeared beyond the giant giraffe.

I turned to Charlie, I'm sure I looked stupid as I stood there with my jaw scraping the ground while I pointed in the general direction Devon went. The direction from which screaming and yelling of Devon's name came along with choruses of 'Who's the baby Devon?'

"The kids love Devon; he's been coming here at least once a week to read or play with the kids for a while now," Charlie told me as she started to walk in the opposite direction, motioning for me to join her. She led me into an office which had candid shots of kids all over one section of the walls.

"So Devon tells me that you are planning on going to school for Early Childhood Development," Charlie said as she sat down in one of the arm chairs in front of a huge desk made out of giant wooden crayons.

"Yes I am," I told her as I sat down in the chair she motioned too.

"Tell me why you wish to work with children Amber."

I don't know where it came from but I seemed to spill everything to her. I told her about growing up as an only child, being cared for by many different nannies who didn't really care about me. I told her about feeling lonely and wishing I had some where to go to be with people who were just like me, where I could play, make friends and feel like I belonged. "I never found that place. I guess my desire to work with children stems from that, I hate to think of the number of kids who are out there feeling alone." I frowned, the answer sounded stupid to me, I felt that I totally missed the question.

But Charlie nodded, "The little girl that was with you...Alexis? Was that her name?" I nodded. "Devon told me that she is your daughter and you've been raising her by yourself since her birth; how old is she?"

I smiled, "Alexis will be 9 months old on Thursday."

"We don't normally accept children that are under a year old," Charlie told me as she stood up and retrieved a file from her desk.

I frowned, I told Devon was helping me with my career, not finding me a place to stick Alexis! I felt so...disappointed. "I'm sorry," I stood up as Charlie turned around. "I think Devon made a mistake, I'm not looking for a place to care for Alexis. Thank you for your time," I held out my hand to her but she didn't take it.

"Amber please sit down," Charlie sat down again and opened the file she retrieved from the desk, flipping through it. "Now," she looked up at me, waiting for me to sit my butt down before she continued.

"Now," she started again. "Like I said, we don't normally take children Alexis' age but if you decide you want to work with us, we will made an exception."

My jaw dropped.

"You were looking for employment, right?" Charlie closed the file and held it out to me. "Devon came to me and told me that he had a friend who would be great for the position I needed to fill; I had to let one of my girls' go for unprofessional behavior. You are the first person I've spoken to who seems right for the job."

I was shocked to say the least. "I didn't expect this to happen; I thought Devon would give me some ideas and some people to talk too but..." my voice trailed off because I could hear myself rambling.

"How about I tell you a little more about the company and then answer any questions you may have."

I spent about an hour sitting in Charlie's office talking to her about the daycare center and the kids. We went over what I would be paid, the hours and what my responsibilities would be. I left her office with a lot more than I ever hoped. I left there with the first step of my future set in motion.

We made our way to the playroom. "It's awful quiet," Charlie said with a smile.

When we turned the corner I was surprised by what I saw. There were about 20 kids sitting in little chairs mesmerized by the animated man in front of them, telling them a story; giving each character a different voice and mannerisms. Devon had them scared when things were bad and laughing when things were good. When he reached the end of his story, he fell to the floor and laid there on his back, not moving.

And all the kids jumped up from their chairs and rushed over to him. They started to climb over him and tickle him as he came to 'life' grabbing them and tickling them while trying to get to his feet.

He was almost to his feet when he looked up and saw me watching. He quickly straightened up and told the kids he had to get back to work.

A chorus of groans followed him as he picked up Alexis and made his way over to me.

Neither one of us said anything as we walked to the elevator.

He punched the button for the lobby. "How did it go?" He asked, passing me Alexis.

"Great!" I squealed and hugged him. "Thank you so much!" He told me he only set it up, that I did the rest.

Devon managed to walk Alexis and me to the front door of the building before his secretary called to tell him a client was waiting for him.

I thanked him again and this time he gave me a smile, "No problem. That's what friends are for."

I was so excited about the job, I went directly to Reed's office but he was with a client so he wasn't available.

When he got home last night, he barely got in the door before I jumped all over him. "I GOT A JOB!"

"Really?" He picked me up in a bear hug and spun me around. "I'm so happy for you darling! Tell me all about it."

I spent the rest of the night talking about the job and the center and Devon. "Did you know he spent so much time in the center with the kids?" I asked Reed as we were getting ready for bed.

Reed hesitated. He was getting into bed and he stopped in mid motion.

"What?" I went over to him, "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and crawled into bed. "Nothing is wrong. It doesn't surprise me that Devon does that."

"Well it shocked the hell out of me!" I lifted the sheets and slid into bed next to him. "Why do you think he does it?"

"Why don't you tell me more about center? Do you think Alexis will like it there? Are the kids much older than she is?"

"Reed!" I poked him gently in the ribs, "Why doesn't it surprise you?"

He sighed, "It's not really something Devon wants everyone to know. I only know about it because I overheard something I probably shouldn't have a few years back and he told me the story."

"What is it?" I was totally confused, I didn't know why something that happened a few years ago would have anything to do with Devon at the center.

"Don't ever tell him I told you, he'd kill me." I promised him I wouldn't say anything.

Reed took a deep breath, "A couple years ago a couple cops came to talk to Devon, they were questioning him about a case; apparently there was a woman, well actually she wasn't even legal, she was still a kid. Anyway, she was pregnant and claiming that the baby was Devon's. Her parents wanted to file rape charges, because she was underage, against him and demanded he pay child support."

I froze in Reed's arms.

"I overheard Devon denying that the baby was his, he told them that he didn't know the kid they were talking about and there was no way he was the father. They wanted to take a DNA sample and he laughed while he told them to be his guest. He let them have a sample but he told them not to be surprised when it came back with no possible chance in hell that he's the father. They told him he shouldn't be so cocky and he told them they were wasting their time with him, 'I'm infertile. There's no way I can get anyone pregnant.'"

"What?" I stared up at Reed. "How can he say that?"

"He wouldn't go into too many details but I guess it was something they found out when he was younger," Reed shrugged.

"So he can't have children?"

Reed shook his head.

And I suddenly felt something I never did before for Devon.

I felt sorry....

Sorry that he would never know the joy of being a daddy to his own babies.

Alexis and I are at my apartment now.

Tomorrow I'm going to head to U-haul to pick up the trailer that Reed rented for me to move our stuff in.

Janie decided that she's not staying in the apartment; Reed decided he wasn't going to sublet it either. When I went to talk to the landlord about how we would go about getting out of the lease and the penalties involved, there was a couple there inquiring about an apartment.

So in the end they are getting the apartment and the landlord can't charge us anything for breaking the lease because the apartment isn't sitting unrented. So it worked out for everyone.

I took this as a sign that I was doing the right thing, that this move was a good idea. I was actually looking forward to starting over again in my old hometown.

I was actually excited about living with my parents again.

And that's a little scary!

First TIme For Every Thing

Did I ever mention that I love Madeline? Despite the fact that Reed's father is one of her offspring, I believe she is by far the greatest woman alive. She was probably the only one in Reed's family who didn't blame me for becoming pregnant and she never tried to deny that Alexis was her great granddaughter.

But the best part about her? She could put Reed's father in his place and there was nothing he could do about it. He wouldn't dare talk back to his mother.

We were sitting around the table talking. Both of our fathers were talking about work and our mothers were talking about some social event that was coming up. Madeline was asking me when we were moving back to town and I told her it would be soon. "And you are going to be moving into the house?"

I hesitated, I didn't want to talk about that when I haven't even told Reed that we wouldn't be. I still wanted to go ahead with the plan we already spoke about.

"I take your hesitation to mean that you aren't?" She gave me a smile, "Where are you going to be living dear?"

"Of course she's moving into the house!" Reed's father snapped, "My son didn't waste all that money just so the house will sit empty!"

"Father, I-" Reed started but his father cut him off.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to waste money on a lost cause?"

Lost cause? I glared at Roger and held Alexis tighter.

"Now Roger!" Madeline cut in before anyone could say anything. "There is no need of being so rude, I didn't raise you that way! As for you," she turned to Reed. "I love you Reed but you really shouldn't have gone ahead and planned Amber's future without even thinking to see if she was even interested in it."

"Now Amber," she turned to me. "Tell me what you are going to do when you move back here."

I told her I wasn't sure but she didn't believe me, "I'm sure you've thought about it dear. Are you thinking about working? Or going to school?" When I told her I was exploring options, she smiled at me. "I'm sure you will figure it out. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me."

"It's ok Grandma, I can help Amber with any thing she needs," Reed slipped his hand over mine as it rested on the table.

Not long after, our starters arrived at the table and everyone seemed to be focused on the food. Me, I was thinking that I should've spoke to Reed about my plans before we came to the club.

I really thought I should've talked to him about it a few minutes later when I spotted Devon as he walked in with his parents and a woman I could only assume was Annette. They sat down at a table just off to our left. I saw his father motion towards us, Devon stood and made his way over to us.

"Oh my," Madeline jumped up and gave him a hug when he greeted everyone. "Come and join us," she told him.

"I wish I could but," he glanced back at his table and sighed. "I just came over to say hello." He started to walk away when he stopped, turned around. He stopped beside my chair and leaned down, with one hand on the table and the other on the back of my chair."I'm sorry about yesterday," he whispered so that no one could hear him. "I know I said I'd call you tomorrow but I was thinking it would be better if we met at my office on Tuesday, what do you think?"

"Ummm...that shouldn't be a problem," I half turned to look up at him, "What time?"
"Well, I have meetings for most of the morning..." He looked upwards for a moment then he smiled at me. "Around 2? Does that work for you?" I told him that sounded good to me and he stood up and went back to his table.

Devon wasn't even sitting before Reed leaned in and asked me what he wanted. I glanced at him, "Can we talk about it later? I don't think this is the right place." He nodded and sat back in his chair but I saw the look he shot Devon's way.

We managed to make it to desert without any thing major happening, which shocked me. But the nice, pleasant meal wasn't meant to last. I'm not sure how it happened but some how it came out that I was job hunting the last couple days.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My father asked, "I have a few friends who could use some help, I'll give them a call when I get home and let you know."

I told him that I didn't want him to ask his friends, "I might have found some thing already."

Reed's father mumbled something about me not being qualified to get a job without someone pulling the strings.

"Roger, really!" Madeline threw her napkin on the table, "I'm tired of hearing you uttering nothing but negative comments against Amber. She is a lovely young woman and the mother of your granddaughter. If she says she has found something, then you should be happy for her." She turned to me and smiled, "You have spoken to someone?"

I hesitated, "Well I have a meeting with someone who seems to be interested in helping me out."

Beside me Reed stiffened, "Come with me," he said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me from my chair.

"Reed what are you doing? We were talking!" He didn't answer he as he led me from the dining room and down the hallway. "Oh!" I gasped as I walked into him when he stopped suddenly.

"Who is helping you?" He asked me.

"Reed this isn't the time to talk about this," I went to walk away from him but he stopped me. "We have to get back," I told him.

"No, I want to know who is helping you."

"I'm not talking about this here."

"Why is that?" Reed pulled me close, "Because you went running to my best friend and asked him for help?"

"I didn't go running to anyone!" I snapped at him. "I was out looking for a job when I ran into Devon and he started talking about a conversation we had before I got pregnant with Alexis. He said he might have a way for me to get my dream job."

"And you believed him?" Reed laughed, "Amber do you honestly think that Devon wants to help you?"

"Well I don't know Reed. But I want to know what he was thinking."

"You aren't meeting with him," Reed looked down at me. "If you want help getting your 'dream job' then tell me what it is and I"ll help you. But you aren't going to accept Devon's help."

I couldn't believe this. "Why wouldn't I accept Devon's help? He's your friend, don't you trust him?"

"That's not the point Amber. You are my girlfriend and I'll be the one to help you, not Devon or any one else."

I steeped back from him, "Excuse me?" I scoffed, "Who the hell do you think you are? You don't own me! And newsflash Reed, you haven't been my 'boyfriend' for a long time now!" I turned to walk away from him but stopped. "If you wanted to help me because you really wanted me to achieve my dreams, then maybe I would've come to you. But you only seem to be interested in having me do whatever you want me to do."

"Amber that's not..."

"I don't want to hear it Reed. I will accept Devon's help. I will be living at my parents house and I will be working so I can go to school in the fall. And I will do all that without your help!"

I got as far as the dining room doors when he caught up to me, "Why can't you just be happy being a mother to our daughter?"

"Because I'm more than that Reed," I shook my head. "I thought you knew that but I guess I was wrong."

We went back into the dining room, "Once we leave here. Alexis and I are going to my parents house."

"No you aren't," he told me.

Once brunch was over, Reed's mother invited everyone to go out on the lake with them. I wanted to do anything but that. I went to tell her I couldn't when Reed told her we would love to join them.

I was thankful that Madeline went along too, I don't think I would've enjoyed it if she wasn't there. We were sitting on the deck, I was holding Alexis in my arms.

"You and Reed had a fight, didn't you?" She asked and I nodded. "He's not happy you aren't falling into that perfect little spot that he had slotted for you, is he?" Again I nodded, "Good!"

I looked up at her and she laughed, "Reed's grandfather tried to pin me into that tidy little role too until he finally accepted that I would never be that woman for him. We were still very much in love the day he died Amber and I miss the old bugger everyday."

"I just thought Reed understood that life wasn't what I wanted," I kissed the top of Alexis' hat covered head. "I love our daughter and I love Reed but I don't want to be just a mother and wife. I want to run my own business, I want to be able to contribute to the life we have, even if Reed doesn't need my contribution."

"You want his respect as well as his love."

I nodded, "Yes. Am I crazy for that?" I sighed, "Everyone thinks I'm crazy for not letting him take care of me, for not moving into the house he built for me. It's not that I don't want to, I'm just afraid of losing myself if I do."

"AmberLynn, you have to do what you need to make you happy. I would love it if you and Reed were together, giving me more great grand babies - after you get married that is."

I smiled, "Mrs. AmberLynn Johnson. How does that sound?"

"Sounds like a woman who knows who she is and couldn't be happier being that person." Madeline sat back in her chair, "She sounds like the person you'll be when you find yourself."

We got home late Sunday, Alexis was pretty much out when we walked through the door. So we stayed that night.

I was in his room picking up my stuff to bring it down to the guest room when he came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed. "I don't want you to leave," he said as he played with the edge of his pillow.

"We already talked about it, we agreed I would stay at my parents house and we would start over again."

"I know," he slipped over to where I was standing. "Amber," he held out his hands to me. I looked down at them for a moment before slipping mine into them. He ran his thumbs over the back of them, "I'm trying to understand, I really am. I know that you are doing what you feel is best for you but I can't help but hate it."

I sat on the bed next to him, "I know you hate it but it'll all work out. I'm sure if it Reed."

"Yeah, I guess so." He gave me a kiss on the forehead and then mentioned that he should get to bed.

I could feel his eyes on me as I finished gathering up all my things.

I was walking towards the door when I started to wonder what the hell I was doing.

Dropping my stuff on the floor, I walked over to his side of the bed. "Can I join you?"

Quicker than you could say just about anything, Reed turned on his side and held out the blankets so I could crawl in.

I spent most of the night wide wake listening to him sleep.

Yesterday passed with nothing too exciting happening.

Today I have a meeting with Devon, which hopefully isn't a waste of my time.

And tomorrow, I think I'm going back to my apartment for the last time.

Precious Moments

Before we left for the club, where we were having brunch with our parents, Reed called me into his office. When I went in there, he had Alexis completely cleaned and dressed in a dress that I never saw before.

They looked so good together - Reed was wearing black dress pants with a light green dress shirt; Alexis was in a sleeveless dress, the bodice was white and the bottom was light green (but darker than Reed's shirt), there was white long sleeved vest to pull over the dress that had little pink flowers on it. Like I said, they looked good together. He was squat down with her, holding her hands in his as he held her up. She was standing in front of him, she was wobbling but she was standing.

I walked over and knelt in front of them, "Are you going to walk with daddy?" I asked her. She looked back at Reed with this half smile on her face.

"No, we are only testing out her sea legs," Reed smiled at me. "She's been pulling herself up all morning." I told him she did it the other day too. "How long before you think she'll be walking? Do I have to put up a gate around the yard before we move in?"

"It probably wouldn't hurt," I told him as he handed her hands to me.

"I couldn't get the button on the back done up, they are so small!"

I sat Alexis down on my lap and went to do up the button but there wasn't one there. "Reed? There isn't a button there!" I looked again just to make sure I wasn't losing it but - oh wait! What is that? I poked my finger under the collar of Alexis' dress, hooking it around a necklace that I didn't see before. "Where did you get this?" I asked her but I was looking at Reed. He just shrugged and smiled at me. I pulled the necklace out from under Alexis' dress and let it fall against her, it hung down over her belly! "Let mommy see?" I said when she grabbed for the pendant that was on the necklace.

Turning her around to face me, I opened my hand to her and she dropped the pendant in my hand. On further inspection I realized it was a heart shaped locket; a white gold heart shaped locket with 'mom' wrote on the front and there was a tiny flower and a diamond decorating it as well. "Oh my," I whispered as I gently touched the writing on the front. As I sat there staring at the locket, close to tears because it was so beautiful and unexpected, Alexis kept poking it. "What are you trying to do snuggle bug?"

I felt Reed's hand on my back as he leaned in and whispered, "She wants you to open it."

"Oh," I said, trying to open it. But my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't. "Please?" I held it out to him, "I can't."

Reed's arms came around me, he held me between them as he opened the locket and displayed it for me. "Oh!" I exclaimed and grabbed the tiny heart, pulling it close to my face. There were two pictures in the locket, one of Alexis now and one..."It's Alexis! Just after she was born!" I looked up at him, "Where...?" I knew he didn't have any photos of her besides the recent ones.

"I had Janie go through your pictures," he explained. "I wasn't sure she would get me one in time but it came a couple days ago," Reed kissed me. "Happy Mother's Day Amber."

Still when I think about yesterday when I first saw that locket, I feel like crying. It was so beautiful and the way he gave it to me was probably the best ever! I certainly wasn't expecting it.

Of course, Alexis wasn't so thrilled about giving it up, she tried to take off with it still around her neck when Reed went to take it off her. But he was able to talk her into giving it up and then he slipped it around my neck. "I love it," I told him. "Thank you so much," I said as I leaned in to kiss him.

I couldn't believe how lucky I was but apparently that wasn't all he had in store for me.

When I went to get up off the floor, he held out his hand to stop me. "Darling, I have something else for you." He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. Once I opened it, I smiled. He handed me a set of keys to the house, "Thank you," I smiled at him.

We headed out to the club not long after that. I was excited to see his grandmother again but I wasn't looking forward to seeing our parents. When I asked him how we ended up having plans with both parents at the same time he told me that our mothers wanted it that way, 'since we are family'.

Reed was carrying Alexis and I was carrying the gifts that he had picked out for our mothers, when we entered the club. Once we arrived at out table, his grandmother jumped up out of her seat. "Oh it's about time you got here! I was positively dying here with these corpses! Come here my dear, let me look at you," Madeline reached out and grabbed my arms, holding them out to my sides. "You've gained some weight!" She exclaimed dropping my arms to my sides again and gave me a quick hug before she turned to Reed, still talking to me. "It's a good thing I say, you look a lot healthier now that you've filled out. Wouldn't you agree?" She asked Reed.

Reed coughed and turned red as he looked at me. Then he adverted his eyes quickly as if he didn't know if he should be looking at me, "AmberLynn has always been beautiful to me Grandma."

His grandmother laughed softly, "Of course she has my dear, otherwise we wouldn't have this little precious right here!" Madeline lifted Alexis from Reed's arms, "Oh my aren't you just the prettiest little thing! Nana could just eat you!" But thankfully she just gave Alexis a big kiss on the cheek and handed her to me. "Come on sit, tell me what you've been up to my dear. I've missed you, you know."

Up until that moment, things were looking good. But of course that couldn't last.

By the time brunch was over, I just couldn't wait to get out of there.

But that's a story for another time...