Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Inquisition

I went home that night and cried myself to sleep. I didn't understand why Reed would not say anything at first about the baby then go down stairs only to come up and start attacking me. It wasn't like him to be so aggressive, he normally was the calm one in our relationship. I had a tendency to freak out and tell people exactly what I was thinking and he always was the one to pull me back, to 'rein' me in I guess you could say.

When my parents found out they were so ashamed. They needed someone to blame and since I was their daughter and they could get away with getting mad at me, they yelled at me for hours about how much I screwed up their plans for me. My father worked for Reed's father so it's not like he could go over there and yell at Reed, or so my mother claims.

Reed's parents found out because my parents brought me over there and told them. Reed wasn't there at the time, he was out of town for some work thing. His mother flipped out and began to accuse me of being a slut and told my parents that there was no way my baby was Reed's. I had hoped that my parents would've defended me but they didn't say anything. My father let Lucinda go on for a couple minutes before he stood up and told them that we were leaving.

That night my parents told me that I was going to stay with some distant cousin and the baby was to be put up for adoption. I didn't see Reed at all before I left, he was still out of town when I left two days later.

The cousin I went to stay with didn't know I was pregnant and when she found out what my parents had sent me there for, she freaked out; she didn't think that I should be made to give away my baby if I didn't want too. At the time, I didn't know if I wanted to keep the baby but as my pregnancy progressed and I started to feel her and 'see' her, I knew that there was no way I could give my child away. Shannon, my distant cousin, helped me tell my parents that I was keeping the baby.

At first my parents tried to talk me out of it but then one night my mother called me to tell me that my father and her were coming out to visit me. I thought they had finally realized that what they did was wrong and they were going to take me back home but they didn't. They told me I was leaving my cousins' and brought me here. They told me that they would make sure that I didn't ever want for anything but I was to stay here because my 'mistake' didn't fit into their way of life.

Why didn't I argue? Why did I just except their money and stay here? Well, they weren't telling me that I had to get rid of Alexis, they weren't telling me I had to pay my own way. They were paying for everything and I got to keep my baby and not have to worry about ever having to leave her. It seemed too good to be true. But I didn't think about that.

Yes, I wanted my parents to accept Alexis as their grandchild, I wanted them to love her and want to be around her. But I felt like I had won the war, so one little battle I was willing to accept defeat.

In all that time, I never once heard from Reed nor did my parents tell me anything when they were talking to me.

So now, yesterday. Like I said earlier, I decided to get to the bottom of Reed's claims that he tried to contact me and I didn't reply. I needed him to tell me everything but I wasn't sure how to go about doing that. I didn't want to get him drunk or try to seduce him to find out, although I did have those as back up plans if I needed.

First thing I had to do was get him to actually talk to me again, he still wasn't saying too much to me. Then again, I didn't really say much to him either.

Reed was sitting on the floor with his legs out in from of him and building blocks lying on the floor in front of him. He was trying to get Alexis to come over and play with the building blocks but she was more interested in just crawling around. "Does Lexi come over and help daddy build?" She stopped, looked at him and the blocks and then started crawling away again, laughing.

"You know what you do?" I went over to him and he looked up at me with a questioning look on his face. "You have to pretend to ignore her while you play with the blocks and she'll come over to see what you are doing."

"Yeah?" He glanced at Alexis and then at the blocks.

"Here, I'll show you." I got down on the floor with him. I leaned in close and started to build a tower with the blocks.

"She's not coming over," he whispered.

"Don't look at her, help me make this tower." Reluctantly he did what I said and within minutes I heard Alexis' fast crawl headed our way. I don't know if she tried it or if she wasn't watching but she crawled right into the tower, sending the blocks tumbling down. She sat up and stared at the big pile of blocks, her little eyes were wide, her mouth was in the 'o' shape and she was pointing to the pile. "Yeah, you made it fall down and go boom!" I told her as I reached out and started to tickle her.

When I tired of tickling her, I happened to glance over at Reed and he was watching us with this huge grin on his face. Quickly, I stood up, "So that's all you have to do." I made my way back into the kitchen where I was making supper. That moment on the floor started it all, he seemed to try to make up for the time he spent not talking in the few hours it took to make supper, clean up and get Alexis ready for bed.

After we had Alexis down for the night, he told me he had some work he had to do and asked if it would be ok if he spend out his stuff on my dining room table. I told him it was ok and then mentioned I was going to go relax in the bathtub and to call me if Alexis woke up.

He didn't call me. I emerged from the tub an hour later and he was still hunched over paperwork. "How's it going?" I asked on my way to the kitchen to grab something to drink.

"Alright I guess," he leaned back against the chair and stretched his arms over his head. "I don't know why I do this, I don't want to be doing this."

"Oh?" I walked over to the table and glanced at the spreadsheets in front of him. "Why are you doing it then?"

Reed smiled up at me, "It helps pay the bills."

I rolled my eyes and walked over to the couch, "I'm going to watch a movie, I hope that won't bother you."

"Not unless it's a chick flick," he joked.

"Oh it will be." I informed him. "The saddest chick flick I can find in my collection." He just laughed and went back to his paperwork while I settled on the couch and re-watched My Girl for the millionth time. And no, that isn't the sappiest movie in my collection but it does make me cry everytime.

I was almost through the movie when he pushed his chair away from the table and made his way over to the couch. Plopping down next to me, he stretched his legs out and sighed. It was difficult not to look at him. He had his eyes closed and his head was slightly turned my way, his hands were folded over his stomach he looked so drained that I started to wonder if he was eating properly and getting enough sleep. Neither of us said a word as we finished watching the movie.

"That was sad," he stated. I nodded and he gave me a half assed smile. He sat there gazing at me intensely for a while and then he closed his eyes.

"Umm Reed?"

"Mmm?" He raised a brow questioningly but didn't open his eyes.

"I didn't get any calls or emails."

He opened his eyes, "I left messages Amber."

"Where? When?"

"When I was out of town just after you told me, I called from the hotel many times and asked to speak to you, I was always told that you didn't want to talk to me or you were out. I left messages asking for you to call me at the hotel and on my cell."

"I wasn't at my parents house anymore by that time."

He nodded, "Yeah I found that out after I came home. I went over to see you and was told by your father that you were gone. I tried to get him to tell me where you were but he wouldn't. So I figured that I'd email you, you were so obsessive about checking your mail that I knew you would get my messages."

I shook my head, "Ok the phone messages I can see how I didn't get them but Reed, I checked my mail all the time and I never ever got anything from you."

"I emailed you Amber," his voice was soft and gentle when he said that.

"I didn't get anything Reed."

He turned his head my way, "I emailed you."

"I told you I didn't get any mail from you."

"And I told you I emailed you!" He jumped up and headed to the kitchen table. "And I can prove it!"


*

I have to stop right now, I have to go and start supper. There will be more later.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

haha as in later tonight because this is soo intense i dont even know what to do! i cannot wait for another post.

Anonymous said...

perhaps a triple post is in order or maybe you should just write a novel tonight right now.

Anonymous said...

hahaa i think we can wait until tomorrow....even though i can't wait!!!!


thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

for the double post ur awesome

B

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the double post!
Now can't wait till tomorrow to read what happens next ! hehe
Your 2 blogs are great !


Viv

Anonymous said...

ooo, write a novel, write a novel :D
and post it by today!!
lol, kidding. i'm addicted!
Willow