Show Me Love

I'm so tired it's not even funny. After this past weekend, I needed yesterday to myself but I couldn't do what I wanted, I had to go to work. I started to wonder why I even decided that I would go to work and then back to school in the fall. I mean, I don't need to work, with my trust fund and the money that Reed would be paying for child support, I could live happily and not have a care in the world, so why did I decide to work? My parents are letting me stay in the guest house as long as I want too; my father told me that he didn't care how long I was there, so it's not like I don't have a place to live. I don't need to work, so again, why am I?

I don't know, I honestly don't.

Oh wait, there's this little thing called 'I want freedom to do what I want without anyone judging the way I spend the money they give me'....that's why I decided to work. Plus, I want my daughter to know that it's ok to want to be something else besides a wife and a mother, not that there's anything wrong with being either one or both of those!

So since I couldn't veg out at home, I went to work, where I spent most of the day trying to avoid Penny because if I didn't, I would probably snap and tell her exactly what I think of her. Who the hell goes after another girl's guy when she's in the same room and so is her boyfriend? God, I wish I could kick the crap out of her. But I will take the high road. I will not stoop to the tramp's level.

When I wasn't avoiding Penny, I kept having to tell Nadine that it wasn't her fault, what happened at Reed's party, there was no way she couldn't known it was going to go down that way.

I bet you are wondering what I'm talking about with the party, I'll try to tell you in this entry, but I think that I have a few holes to fill in from the morning of the party first.

It seems so long ago now but Saturday morning didn't go the way I planned. Mind you, I had originally planned to wake up in Reed's arms and snuggle with him for a while before we rolled out of bed to start the party set up. But as we all know, I woke up alone, worried that Reed did something stupid after he sped out of my drive.

And he did.

But nothing as bad as I thought he would do, I guess I should be grateful that he's not the type of guy that would go and do something just to piss me off.

So like I said the other day Reed didn't open his door Saturday morning, instead I was greeted by the sleep walking dressed only in boxers Devon, who just stared at me through half closed eyes for a while before he woke up enough to let me in.

"Where is Reed?" I asked him as I made my way to the kitchen where I dropped the box I was carrying.

Devon grunted as he rubbed his hands over his face, he didn't say anything as he plopped onto a chair and dropped his head on the table.

"Devon?"

He rolled his head to the side and looked up at me. "Do you have to yell?"

"I'm not yelling," I frowned at him. "Are you drunk?"

He started to laugh, "No," he sat up quickly and turned pale. "Ohhh, that wasn't so smart."

It took about ten minutes to get him to answer my questions. Yes he was drunk. Reed was upstairs, he thought because that's where he said he was going.

"How did he end up with you last night?" I asked Devon once I got him talking.

He gave me a dirty look, "You know how he ended up at my place," he snapped. "What the hell are you trying to do to the guy? You know he loves you, he's done nothing but drool over you since the night he met you! He went through hell when you weren't around."

"Devon," I sighed. "I don't need a lecture, especially from you."

"No, you're right," he got off the chair and headed for the living room. "You need to get your ass upstairs and try to make things right with Reed, I don't want to see him go down that same road again."

I sat in the kitchen for a while, going through the events of last night and what Devon told me happened once Reed showed up at his place. I couldn't believe that one argument between us made Reed think that he was losing me all over again. I was mad, I thought. I didn't want to end things with him.

Glancing at the box I brought in with me, I decided that it was time to go and see how bad a shape Reed was in, to see if I was doing all the set up by myself.

The house was very quite as I made my way down the hall, the only real noise was from the living room as Devon tried to fall back to sleep again. I had taken the first step up when I started to wonder why Devon was on the couch and not in the guest room but I didn't dwell too long on it as I continued upwards.

My eyes immediately went to the bed when I got upstairs. I felt bad when I saw Reed sprawled out on top of the blankets, still fully dressed. But that feeling only lasted a minute when I reminded myself that he went out and got drunk, the one thing he was supposed to be staying away from.

"Reed?" I called out to him as I neared the bed but he didn't stir. In fact it took me actually going over there and nudging him a few times for him to snap out of the deep sleep he was in.

"Amber?" He groaned as he tried to lift his head to look at me.

"Yes it's me, I hear you did something stupid last night," I sat down on the bed and reached out to brush the hair back from his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

He said my name again and tried to wiggle over closer to me but he couldn't seem to get the right movement down. He growled and gave up, giving me a sad look as he held out his hand to me.

"Come on, get up," I gave his hand a little tug and he groaned his displeasure with that idea. "Come on Reed, there is so much to do before everyone gets here."

He ignored what I said, he gave my hand a tug. "Come here darling," he spoke softly as he rolled onto his side.

"Reed we have lots to do and you need to sober up."

Dropping my hand he glared up at me. "It's your fault I'm drunk!"

"The hell it is!" I snapped at him. "I didn't force you to drink so you can't blame me for this! Come on, get up!"

"No," he rolled back onto his stomach. "I want to sleep some more, it's my birthday, I can do what I want!"

"Fine," I crossed my arms and looked away from him. "Do what you want, see if I care." I started to walk away from him.

"Wait!" He called out and then groaned, "Wait," he said softer.

Turning, I watched him as he rolled to the edge of the bed and sat up. "What do you want Reed?"

"I want you," he struggled to his feet. "I want to hold you and kiss you. I want to feel your body next to mine," Reed held out his hand to me. "Please darling?"

"Reed I should -"

He sighed, "I'm sorry about last night. You had every right to be upset with me, I didn't do anything or planned on doing anything but I shouldn't have paid any attention to anyone but you. I'm sorry."

"Reed," I groaned as I walked over to him. "I didn't mean it that way, you don't have to be constantly paying attention to me but you should've known that I wasn't happy last night."

"I don't know what to say to make things right Ambler, I tried last night but I only seemed to make you madder," he paused briefly. "What I said before I left your place, was totally stupid, I didn't mean it."

"You mean you didn't go look for her?" I sighed and shook my head, "I'm sure she would've been all for it."

He rolled his eyes, "Amber!"

I laughed, "I'm glad you didn't go looking for her, I'd have to hose you down with bleach if you did." I went to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He went to kiss me but I covered his mouth. "You reek of booze honey."

Lowering his eyes, he shook his head. "I'm such a moron."

"Well," I rested my head against his chest. "You are a guy."

I felt his laugh before I heard it. "Thanks a lot darling."

We stood in each other's arms for a while, I know that we probably could've talked more about the fight last night and what happened but I didn't think that we needed too. He knew how I felt and I knew how he felt.

"I should go shower," he said finally. "Care to join me?"

I told him I couldn't, that I had lots to do. He reluctantly pulled away from me and headed off to the bathroom, "I should probably shave too," he looked back at me. "What do you think? Do you want me clean shaven or scruffy today?" I just smiled at him. "I know," he smiled. "You just want me."

I was smiling as I headed back downstairs. He was right, it didn't matter to me at this moment whether he shaved or not, I wanted him. Really bad.

"What's the smile for?" Devon's voice came from the living room as I tried to quietly sneak past. I glanced in his direction and saw he was sitting up, looking at me.

"Nothing," I tried to hide the smile but couldn't.

"Uh huh," he rubbed his hand through his hair. "So did you wake Reed?" I told him I did and that Reed was getting in the shower as we spoke. "Ah ha!" He exclaimed and then pressed his hand against his head. "Oh, that hurt."

"What were you 'ah ha'ing about?"

"I know why you were smiling now, you were thinking naughty thoughts about my best friend. And can I say, gross!" He laughed.

"Whatever Devon," I rolled my eyes and started for the kitchen.

"Amber I have a question."

"What?" I turned to him.

"If you want to join him so badly, why aren't you up there with him?"

I opened my mouth to tell him he didn't know what he was talking about but nothing came out. He asked a good question, what was I waiting for? Why wasn't I upstairs naked with my man?

"You don't have to stay down here and entertain me you know, I'm just going to sleep," Devon grinned at me before falling out of sight. "Be adventurous Amber; go show him why little arguments like last night aren't always a bad thing."

I shook my head and headed out to the kitchen.

"A little make up sex would go a long way Amber!"

"Shut up Devon," I called back to him...

....as I headed back towards the stairs.

I hate to admit it but Devon was right, I needed some naked time with Reed.

When I entered Reed's room, he was just getting into the shower. I watched him step under the spray and let the water run down over his head before I make my way over to the shower. Tapping on the glass, I stepped back and waved at him as he turned to look out at me.

When he reached for the door, I reached up and pulled the hair clip from my hair, spilling my hair down over my shoulders.

He paused, his eyes tuned into my movements as my hands slid over my chest, down to the hem of my shirt.

Angry Words

It was about 12:30 Friday night. I was home a lot earlier than I thought I would be, I was alone - well if you didn't count the guy who was banging on my door, begging me to let him in. "Amber! Come on, let me in."

Sighing, I made my way over to the front door, unlocked the dead bolt and opened the door as far as it would open with the chain across. Reed stopped yelling the second the dead lock clicked. Now he was staring through the small opening at me. He looked upset but I was certain it couldn't have been any worst than how upset I was.

"Darling please let me in," his tone was soft and low.

I shook my head, "I don't think that's a good idea. I'm really upset right now and there's no guarantee that I won't say things that will make the situation worst. Go home Reed." I went to close the door but he grabbed hold of it and held it open.

"I'm not going home until you let me in, I don't want to start this day off this way Amber. We had planned on spending the night together, do you remember?"

"Of course I remembered. We had planned on going out with Nadine and then going back to your place to sleep so that we could get an early start on tomorrow's plans." He smiled and started to say something but I wasn't done. "Although, I don't remember there being anything in our plans about you letting the tramp hang all over you all night. Maybe I missed that part."

Reed's smiled disappeared, "Amber, I -"

"No," I cut in, holding up my hand to him. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to see you dancing with her? To see you hold her close to you?" My voice broke, "I just want to go to bed Reed, please go home." I leaned against the wall, resting my head against it as I looked through the space at him.

"I thought she was your friend Amber, I thought it would be ok because you didn't mind when I danced with Janie before."

I shook my head, "Penny isn't and never will be my friend Reed. And even if she was, I never would've wanted you to dance so close to her. Damn it Reed!" I pushed off the wall, "Any closer and you would've been naked! But I'm sure she would've loved that!"

"I don't care what she would've loved Amber! I have no interest in her! You know I love you, i wouldn't intentionally do anything to jeopardize our relationship and you know it!" His hand was gripping the door pretty tightly, his voice was rising, he was getting more and more angry. "I don't know what your problem is today but you seem to want to fight with me. First when I told you I was tired and then when I came back here ready to go out even though I was tired and now this? What is going on Amber? What are you not telling me?"

"I told you why I was upset that you didn't want to go out! But that has nothing to do with you thinking it's ok to entertain the tramp! She has a boyfriend, you know the guy that sat in the corner giving you the evil eye all night? That's her boyfriend!"

"I know she has a boyfriend Amber! I wasn't doing anything with her! I have no intentions of ever doing anything with her either! And I don't appreciate you accusing me when I didn't do anything!"

"Well maybe you should've thought about that before you did what you did!"

Reed gave a frustrated growl and threw his hands up in the air. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

This was why I didn't want to talk to him that night, I didn't want to get into an argument with him, I wanted to wait and talk about it when I wasn't so upset. I knew we weren't getting anywhere and if we didn't stop at that moment, we would probably say things we didn't mean, I knew I was on the urge of saying some things that weren't nice at all. "Fine," I sighed.

"Fine?" He studied my face for a moment, "What does that mean?"

I shrugged, "Just fine. You didn't do anything."

"Don't do that!"

"Do what?" I frowned, "I'm not doing anything, I just said it was fine."

"Yeah, you said that alright but you didn't mean it. You still think I did something with her, you still think I liked dancing with her!"

"Well you didn't push her away," I muttered before I could stop myself.

He froze.

"Reed?"

He slowly turned on his heel and walked away from the door.

"Reed?" I closed the door so that I could undo the chain and then yanked it back open again. He didn't answer me, he just continued walking until he got to his car.

"Reed! Where are you going?"

Opening his door, he hesitated before he got in. "Maybe I'll go see if I can't track Penny down, since you think I want her so badly."

"What? No! Reed!" I started out the door as he got in his car. "Wait!" I called but he had already started his car and was tearing down the drive.

I couldn't believe what had just happened and I knew that it was all my fault. I tried to tell myself that he was just upset, that he wasn't serious. I had to believe that he wasn't serious.

I didn't get much sleep Friday night, I kept tossing and turning, when I wasn't dialing his cell phone or the house.

I managed to get about an hour of sleep in total that night.

He didn't call me back at all and I wasn't sure if he was still mad at me. But I still got up and got ready to head over to his place Saturday to set up for his party. I wasn't certain how he would greet me when I showed up at his house. I hoped that he would answer the door, I had my apology speech all prepared. I hoped that he would forgive me for being so jealous.

But he wasn't the one who answered the door when I got to his place on Saturday.

We All Need More Nights Like These

I'm so mad at Reed right now, I could just scream! Scream at him, well I would if he was here but he's not, I left him where he was and took a cab home. I don't even care if my parents saw me come home. I don't care, the guy is a jerk.

I hope he's happy with himself. I'd hope he was worried about me but I'm not even sure he knows I'm not there, in fact he probably doesn't even notice at all.

The night started out so promising, Alexis and I got home from the day care, she was happy and I was excited about going out with Reed tonight, meeting up with Nadine and her husband. But when Reed got here, he said he was tired, he didn't want to go out.

"Why don't we just relax tonight darling? We have so much planned for this weekend already. We could spend some time with Alexis and then when she's in bed we can..." his voice trailed off as I walked away from him. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get in the shower," I told him. "You do what you want but I'm going out, I already told Nadine that we would be there. You told me we would go!"

"Well I didn't count on today being so tiring Amber."

I stopped, turning in my bedroom doorway to face him, "You don't have to go if you don't want too!" I snapped at him before slamming the door in his face. Yes, I was upset and over reacted but it had been a long time since we did anything with anyone else, I was looking forward to going out; dressing up to be out with him.

When I got out of the shower, I had cooled down a little so I went off in search of Reed but he was no where to be found, neither was Alexis. I panicked, I tried to call his cell and his home phone but there wasn't an answer at either one.

Well that's just great! I almost sat down and cried but I decided that I wasn't going to let him ruin this night. I'm going to go and have fun without him if that's the way he wants to be! And he better bring Alexis back or he'll be sorry.

Returning to my room, I got dressed and did my hair. Stepping back from the full lenght mirror on the back of my door, I stared at myself. Even though I knew I looked good in my burgundy pants and black casual shirt, my excitement for going out as pretty much nonexistent. I was feeling a little depressed as I made my way down the hall to collect my purse.

When I went to open the door, it came swinging opened and I stood face to face with Reed; a recently showered and shaved Reed who was looking damn fine in his black pants and form fitting green shirt. He stood there staring at me for a moment, "You look beautiful darling," he said as he came towards me with a smile on his face. He tried to kiss me but I didn't let him.

"I have to go," I told him and made a move to go pass him when he grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

"Don't make me follow you all over town tonight Amber," he turned his head and looked at me.

"You don't have to, I can take care of myself," I pulled my arm from his hand and walked out my door. It didn't take much for him to catch up with me.

"Don't be mad at me for not wanting to go Amber, it has been a long day." I nodded and told him I understood. "Then why are you acting so cold towards me? I'm here aren't I? I'm dressed and ready to go out so what is the problem?"

Sighing, I closed my eyes. "I wanted to have some fun tonight Reed."

"And we will!" He told me, "I may fall asleep half way through the fun but I'll be there by your side like we planned."

We walked into The Dive and I spotted Nadine right away. We went over and sat down with her and her husband Hal. And we were having fun...for the first hour or so.

But then who should walk in but Penny followed by a seriously cute guy who I only could assume was here boyfriend Colin. I turned to Nadine and asked her if she knew Penny was coming and she told me no she didn't. "I didn't invite her along!"

And that may have been the case but she knew we were going to be there, she seemed to be looking around for us because when she spotted us, she smiled and damn near ran over to our table.

The night took a turn for the worst then, nothing really happened at first but just having her there kind of killed Nadine and my fun. No, she behaved herself at first, introduced us to Colin and was being nice to everyone.

It wasn't until I got up to go to the bathroom that she decided to let her true intentions for the night show. When I came back to the table she had taken my seat next to Reed and was leaning in really close as she tried to talk to him. I attempted to break up their little conversation but I might have well stayed in the bathroom for all anyone noticed. I tried to pretend that it didn't bother me, I moved to the other side of Reed and chatted with the others.

It wasn't that Reed was totally facing her and given her his undivided attention because he wasn't, he was sitting with his chest facing the table, his arm was around my waist and he was talking to others but she just kept leaning in whispering to him and touching his leg. I wanted to kill her!

At one point I managed to get him out on the dance floor for a slow song and he asked me why I was being so rude. "Rude?" I stared up at him in disbelief. "I'm not being rude at all! I'm chatting with everyone I came here to spend time with! Maybe if you weren't listening to the tramp whispering in your ear, you'd know that!"

"She not whispering in my ear," he told me. "It's just hard to hear in here and she speaks so softly."

"Well, I'm sorry that this place is ruining your conversation with her. Why not go somewhere more quiet, I'm sure she'd love that!" I pulled out of his arms and stomped off the dance floor as I headed for the door.

I guess I expected him to come after me but after a couple minutes I gave up and went back in. He wasn't at the table and when I asked where he was Nadine pointed over my left shoulder. Turing around, I saw my guy slow dancing with the tramp. And way too close for my comfort.

Without a word to anyone, I grabbed my purse and walked out of the bar again, this time calling a cab to take me home.

My cell phone has been ringing nonstop since I left the bar and when I got home there were new messages on my phone. I didn't listen to any of them.

As I write this I'm trying to ignore the pounding on my door and Reed yelling out for me to let him in.

I don't think I really want to talk to him tonight.

But if I don't, he'll probably end up waking my parents up.

I guess I really have no choice since his response to 'Go to hell Reed!' was more banging and pleading for me to let him in.

It's gonna be a long night.

A Little Warning

Since our intimate moment the other night, it seems that every time I turn around, I catch Reed staring at my breasts! I know there was nothing wrong with what we did but I can't help but feel very embarrassed when I catch him staring at them. When I asked him once to stop it, he gave me this funny look and told me he wasn't looking at them any more than before. Could I have just never noticed how much he perved on me before? And if I never noticed him staring before, what else haven't I noticed him doing?

I was very curious to find out the answer to that, so I asked him. He tried to tell me that there was nothing else that I missed but I knew by the smile he gave me that there was something. So now I've been trying to catch him in the act of whatever it is that he is doing when I'm not looking.

Does that sound messed up to anyone else?

Yesterday I was talking to Nadine at work and she mentioned how her husband was taking her to The Dive on Friday (tomorrow). The Dive, despite it's name isn't a crappy place, it's apparently a very nice bar. "Why don't you and Reed come out with us?" She asked, "It would be nice to have someone there to talk too besides hubby's friends."

"I don't know," I told her. "I'm not sure if Reed would want to do that."

"Then leave Alexis with him and come without him, I'll show you a good time!" Nadine laughed.

I told her I'd think about it and we both got back to the kids, we were setting up the materials for them to do a picture for their dad's for Father's Day. I made my way over to Alexis' little group of friends and told them we were ready for craft time. While all the other kids took off for their table, Alexis stayed where she was.

"Do you want to make a picture for daddy?" I asked her. She held out her hands to me, which used to mean, 'pick me up' but lately it meant, 'give me your hands, I want to walk'. So I moved behind her and let her wrap her tiny fingers around my fingers and then I helped her off the floor. Together, one shaky step after another, we walked over to her friends and sat down with them.

Since Alexis was much younger than the other kids she needed more help with her picture than they did. But unlike every other time when the girls would tell me I could help her, Nadine came over and told me that she would look after Alexis' table. At first I felt a little upset that she would do that, I asked her if there was a problem with me helping Alexis. She told me there was no problem but it would be a good idea of both Alexis and I interacted with all of the other people in the room too. "You spend so much time with Alexis when you aren't here, it's my turn now," she joked.

I made my way over the of group of kids that Nadine would've been looking after. I knew Nadine was only doing her job, spending time with all the kids but I felt a little put out by that, I started to wonder if Charlie had a problem with the amount of time I spent with Alexis. Does she think I'm not doing my job? I noticed Charlie looking in every once in a while but she never did stop to say anything, if there was something wrong, she would tell me, right?

I must have looked really worried because Nadine excused herself from the kids and came over to me, "Amber I didn't mean to upset you. You are doing a great job here, the kids love you and they all love Alexis. I just thought that you might have wanted a little break from having to worry about Alexis for a few minutes."

I did understand, I knew that it would be good for Alexis to do her own thing without me hovering over her but it was so hard to let that little bit of space between us since it was only us for the longest time. I smiled at her and then looked at the kids staring up at me, waiting for me to pass out their papers. "Ok kids..." I knelt down with them and got all of them started on their pictures. I glanced over at Alexis once all my kids were drawing, she was busy coloring, she didn't seem to mind that Nadine was there instead of me. And that almost make me cry.

But she'll be looking for you in a few minutes, I told myself as I turned to answer the little boy who asked me a question.

Later yesterday, Devon showed up to spend a few minutes with the kids. When he told them that he didn't have the time to tell them a story, they seemed so upset. "But I do have a few minutes to play," he said as he lurched towards the group. The kids who have been around for a while, all started to scream and scattered so he wouldn't catch them but Alexis, who didn't know what was going on, stayed sitting there with her hands folded in her lap, looking around as the other kids screamed, 'run Alexis run! He's going to get you!"

Alexis slowly turned back to look at Devon, who was now on his hands and knees in front of her, waiting. It looked as if he was about to pounce on her. She held out her hand to him, he butted her hand with his nose and she giggled. He did it again, this time growling a little; she jumped and giggled even harder. When he did it the third time, she just laughed and fell over onto her back, kicking her feet in the air and catching him on the chin; he bit his tongue.

"Ow!" He called out, scaring Alexis to tears. "I didn't mean to do that," he told her as she cried but it did nothing to calm her down. All the kids gathered around them asking if Alexis was alright. Alexis rolled onto her stomach, her little eyes searching frantically until she saw me, she went to get up to crawl over but Devon grabbed her off the floor. "Please stop crying," he begged, he tired to hold her to him but she struggled.

I quickly made my way over to them, taking Alexis from Devon to hold her against me. "Shhh, it's alright Alexis, it's alright." I stepped away from the group and made my way over to one corner to sit down. I didn't know until I sat down that Devon had followed us, he knelt on the floor at my feet looking at Alexis as she cling to me.

"I didn't mean to scare her Amber," he lifted his hand to her back and softly stroked it. "Please don't cry Alexis."

Her sobs had quieted some what since I first took her in my arms, she looked up at me when Devon touched her back. "It's ok," I told her. "Devon didn't mean to scare you, you took him by surprise." She looked over her shoulder at him, rubbing her eyes as she stared at him. I guess she must have decided that he was ok again because she slipped out of my lap, smiled at him and then crawled over to her friends.

"Huh," Devon stared after her. "If only it was that easy with all women."

Before I could stop myself, I said what probably was the stupidest thing ever. "They all cry when you get them on their backs?"

Slowly he turned to look up at me, with a smile on his face he replied, "Of course, I'm just that damn good." I rolled my eyes at him. "I never heard any complaints Amber, ever."

I shrugged, shifting uncomfortably in the chair, "Not really something I need to know Devon." Inside I was still kicking myself for saying what I did.

He was quiet for a moment. "How is Janie?" He asked me finally.

"Happy," I told him. It wasn't a lie, she was happy. It was only the night before that she came over and spent a whole hour just gushing about Cary but I got the feeling she was over doing it. It was almost like she was trying to convince herself that he was totally awesome.

"Will she be at Reed's party on Saturday?"

I nodded, "Yes she'll be there with Cary." Devon rolled his eyes when I mentioned Cary. "Listen," I leaned down and gripped his arm. "Saturday is Reed's birthday and I want it to be the best one he's ever had. That means you'll stay as far away from Janie as you can and if you happen to be either bit close to her or Cary, you'll be the nice, polite guy that I know must be hiding in there somewhere. Do I make myself clear?"

Devon stubbornly started at me, I didn't think that he was going to agree at all. "Devon," I sighed and sat back in the chair. "Please don't ruin Reed's birthday. If you have to be an ass, do it another day."

"Real nice Amber," Devon shook his head. "I can control myself but can Janie? Did you have this little talk with her as well?"

"Yes," I told him. "And she told me there would be nothing to worry about, she doesn't plan on being anywhere near you ever again." She also went on to tell me that she hated him and wished him a long unhappy life with his cold heart bitch of a fiancee...but I didn't think he needed to know that little bit.

"Then you have nothing to worry about," he said as he got to his feet. Without another word to me, he turned and left the room.

I have a feeling that Saturday is going to be a little stressful...maybe really stressful. When I was talking to Reed last night, I told him this and he reassured me that he would deal with anything that came up. "And I'll do it happily too because I'm celebrating the way I want too and with the woman I want."

Oh, I found something that I think would make Reed's day. It's actually something that I meant to tell him a while ago but I never found the right time to tell him. I think his birthday would be the best time.

One Day At A Time

Work yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, Penny was being nice. But that worried me. I couldn't help but wonder what she was up too, especially when she asked me if Reed was coming by after work again. When I told her he wasn't, she actually seemed a little disappointed. I couldn't help but think, if you even glance in his direction, I'll scratch your pretty little eyes out of your big fat head!

Later I told Nadine about Penny and she rolled her eyes. "Don't let her get to you Amber, if she knows she's bugging you, she'll only keep it up." Then she told me I really had nothing to worry about, "I saw the way Reed was looking at you on Friday, I don't think he has any intentions of doing anything to drive you away."

I know she was right, I knew Reed loved me but still there's always this one little voice in the back of my head that tells me he is a man and they don't always think with the right head when some trashy whore is hitting on them.

I know it's probably not right for me to think that way about Reed, I honestly don't think he would be unfaithful but still....

...if he's not getting it at home, could he be tempted to 'get' it elsewhere?

Speaking of not getting it at home, the other night, I was so mean to him. I didn't do it purposely...ok, maybe I did. But in my defense....ahh hell I have no defense, I'm the one that told him about the promise to myself when I knew it would make not being intimate with him even harder. Luckily for me, he didn't get really upset with me...I thought about it after and I felt really bad but when I told him, he told me not to worry about it, "I really enjoyed it my little tease."

So what did I do? You may not think it's that big of a deal but it's the most purposely teasing thing I've ever done in my life...I'm a little embarrassed to write it. I'm not sure if I can....but I will try...

The other night, we were in his bedroom relaxing, we had just put Alexis to bed so we weren't really tired...I guess we were sort of winding down. Reed was half sitting on the bed, propped up against a couple pillows reading some true crime book that he bought a while ago but never read. I was next to him, my head was on his shoulder and my left hand was on his belly. I had nodded off a couple times and woke with a start each time, scaring Reed. I think he was getting a little tired of it because he suggested that I crawl into bed and go to sleep. I thought that was a good idea so I jumped out of bed and made my way to his dresser where he cleared some space for me to leave some clothes over. I was on my way to the bathroom with my pjs in hand when he called after me, "If you need any help, let me know." I laughed but didn't say anything as I closed the bathroom door.

Every night before I go to bed since I've moved back I've gotten into the habit of taking a bath. I had removed my jeans and t-shirt when I happened to look up into the mirror. Now most times, I avoid looking at myself in the mirror because all I see are the flaws but this time it was different. I don't know if it was the lighting or if I really looked different but I felt sexy as I stood there in my baby blue satin and lace bra/pantie set. While I stared at myself in the mirror, I lifted my hand to my breast, brushing my fingers against the material, it felt to soft. I actually felt a little naughty to be touching myself like that, especially when there's a man just outside that door who would love to do it for you, I thought with a smile. Then I remembered his words, "If you need any help, let me know." I nibbled thoughtfully on my bottom lip for a moment, should I?

Why not? I answered myself, a naughty smile on my lips.

Reed was laying on the bed when I walked out into the bedroom, he had taken his shirt while I was in the bathroom. I stood silently for a while, just watching him as he read his book. At first I was a little upset that he didn't look up when I came out of the bathroom but as I secretly watched him, I was glad that he didn't, having him unaware of my near nakedness thrilled me. I was feeling really hot as I slowly walked over to the bed and stood by the side. "Honey, could you lend me a hand?" I almost giggled when I asked that, lend me a hand? Mmmm, I'm betting he'll lend me two.

"Just one second, I'm on the last paragraph of this chapter," he slowly picked up his bookmark as he read. "There!" He said finally as he snapped his book closed and rolled over towards me, "Now wh...." he stopped in mid roll, staring up at me, his jaw almost scraping the mattress as his eyes traveled from the top of my head to the tip of my toes and back again. Coughing, he cleared his throat and completed his roll to get off the bed and stand directly in front of me. When he spoke, his voice was deeper than normal. "What did you need a hand with?" His gaze flicked to my breasts for a brief second before returning to my eyes.

"I don't know what I'm doing to do," I told him.

"You don't know?" He frowned, "Do about what?"

I gave him the best 'I'm hopelessly lost and need your help' look I could manage and shrugged my shoulders in a sad over exaggerated way. "I don't know," I sighed. Then straightened my back and reached both hands behind my back, pushing my chest up and out, which drew his attention back to my breasts. "I can't get this stupid thing to unclasp!" I accidentally snapped my own bra strap, "Ouch!" I jumped in surprise. And I swear I could hear the heavenly choir sing in his head as he clued into what I said and realized what I wanted help with.

"Oh," he tried to keep his face neutral but the corners of his mouth were twitching. "Yeah," he rubbed his chest nonchalantly but his eyes told a different story, the clouds of desire were rolling in fast. "I could help you with that, I guess. But..."

"But what?" I nervously bit my lip, I was really hoping he wouldn't tell me he couldn't because of my promise for the 21st.

Reed leaned closer to me, "I have to check a few things first," he said in my ear while his hands slid to my waist to draw me closer to him. I gave him a questioning look and he explained, "First I need to assess the situation, see what challenges I might run into."

"Challen....OH!" I gasped as his fingers gently brushed over my nipple.

"Yes, I have to know all the area," he whispered, his breath softly caressing my warm skin. His hands cupped my breast, gently squeezing while his lips left a moist trail along my neck down to my breasts.

The moment he started to touch me, my eyes drifted closed, I thought back to that day he took me out to see our house, when he blindfolded me. The feeling I felt that day were nothing compared to the feeling that swept through me as his lips closed around my lace clad nipple. Oh good lord! I groaned, my hands gripping his shoulders in case my knees gave out from the intense pleasure building up inside me as he teased my hardened nipple with his tongue and then moved over to show the other one the same treatment before lifting his head and letting the cool air surround me.

When I opened my eyes enough to peek at him, he gave me a smile. "I think I know the area fairly well now."

"I don't think so," I told him and he chuckled at me.

"Now," he slide his hands up along the sides of my breasts slowly, causing me to bit my lip. "I have to release the safety straps."

I laughed, "Safety straps?" He nodded, his fingers slipping under my bra straps, dragging them down.

Once my arms were free of the straps he lowered his mouth to my shoulder, "Now," he groaned softly, "the final part." His mouth opened, his teeth gazed my skin, "freeing you from your restraint." His hands were on my back, his fingers grasped my bra to unclasp it, he nibbled at my shoulder. Every sense was heightened, every nerve was just waiting for me to be free so I could feel his hands on my naked flesh.

"What the hell?" He stood up and looked over my shoulder, his couldn't find the clasp. "No," he moaned, as he frantically felt around.

I started to shake, lifting my hand I covered my mouth so he wouldn't see but it was too late. "What are you laughing at? This isn't funny, I can't find the damn clasp thing!" The look in his eyes was priceless, he couldn't believe that he was unable to find it.

"Honey," I reached behind me and took his hands in mine. "I'll do it."

"No!" He pulled his hands from mine, "Just turn around," he sighed.

"Ok," I grinned and turned around but instead of moving my hair so he could see the back of my bra, I reached back and took his hands and this time he let me. "Try here," I leaned back against him as I cupped his hands over my breasts, making sure his fingers brushed against the clasp resting between my breasts.

"Ohhh," he gave my breasts a tiny squeeze. "That was mean," he nipped at my earlobe and then sucked it into his mouth. He didn't waste anytime snapping the clasp open so that my bra fell from my breasts. He caressed my bare breasts, cupping, squeezing and pinching my nipples while he pressed his body against my back.

A few minutes later, he spun me around in his arms and planted the biggest bone melting kiss on my lips. "Come to bed darling," he moved back from me and sat on the bed, drawing me near.

As he kissed my belly, I smiled down at him. "I have to get my pjs on first."

He froze, "You are kidding, right?" When I didn't say anything, he fell back against the mattress. "She's trying to kill me!" He cried out. "I'm dying my love, please just come to bed like that?"

I pretended that I was thinking about it for a minute, "Ok," I said finally. "But you'll turn off the light, right?" I pointed to the overhead light and then turned to flip on the lamp on the nightstand.

Reed nodded and jumped up to turn off the light. And I took his place on the bed. When he came back, he was standing right in front of me. "Lay back and let me in?"

"Sure," I smiled up at him but I didn't lay back, I leaned forward and ran my tongue along the waistband of his pj bottoms. He gasped, raising his hands to my head, holding me to his body. I licked and kissed his skin as my hands slipped up over his butt, my fingers sliding under his pj bottoms, tugging them downwards.

Soon he was standing completely naked in front of me, I tried to admire the view but he kept coming in closer to me, he wanted me to stroke him. With a mischievous grin, I cupped my breasts in my hands as he moved in, he slipped in between my breasts and I squeezed them tight around him.

"Ohhhh mmmmm," I glanced up at him, his chin was almost touching his chest, his eyes were closed and he was biting him lip. He started to move slowly against me, his fingers digging into my shoulders.

I couldn't believe that I was actually doing that...at first I felt so dirty and shamed but when I looked up at him, all those feelings went away.

He was so close, he told me he wanted to cum and asked if he could do so.

But before I could answer, we heard this bone chilling cry from downstairs.

Alexis had woken up.

He didn't get to finish, at least not the way he wanted too.

I pushed him away, "I'm so sorry honey," I threw over my shoulder as I grabbed a shirt and ran down stairs to see what was wrong with Alexis. I think she had a bad dream because she didn't want to go back to sleep for a long time.

Once I had her back to sleep, I went back upstairs kind of hoping that Reed was still horny and waiting for me, but he wasn't. "I'm sorry darling," he told me when I slipped into bed with him. Reed turned off the light and pulled me back against him as he settled in to go to sleep; he fell asleep right away.

I, on the other hand, was so hot and bothered that I couldn't sleep.

So I guess technically, he got what he wanted and I was left wanting more.

That wasn't the way it was supposed to go.

Although, he still keeps telling me that if I can't wait until the 21st, he wouldn't mind one bit.

Maybe I'll make him wait even longer now!

Making Plans

Alexis and I spent the weekend at Reed's house, we played on the beach most of the time we were there. She was having such a blast, I had trouble getting her to go inside for her naps both days.

Yesterday, while Alexis was napping, I decided to ask Reed what he wanted for his birthday, I didn't have a clue what to get him. But of course, he was no help whatsoever! When I asked him what he wanted for his birthday he thought about it for a minute and then gave me the naughtiest grin I've ever seen.

"You are not getting sex for your birthday!" I slapped him. "How could you even think that? That's not something I can give you in front of all your friends and family!"

"Well..." he smiled at me.

"No! I'm being serious Reed, what would you like for your birthday?"

"I can't think of anything at the moment Amber, I already got everything I wanted. You and Alexis are back in my life, the house is being lived in. All I want now is for us to spend the rest of our lives together," he told me seriously. "I think the party itself is a pretty big present darling; I can't believe you talked my mother into letting us have a party."

I let him get away with giving me that answer, even though I didn't like it I wanted him to tell me something I could go and pick up for him. I wanted this birthday to be special in every way.

It wasn't until later when I was talking to my mother that I realized that Father's Day was the next day. "I know you and your father haven't gotten along all that well in the past couple years Amber but I know it would mean a lot to him if you make some time for him on Sunday."

"Don't you think that Reed is hoping for something special that day mother? I mean it is his first Father's Day."

My mother sighed, "I'm sure Reed is looking forward to that day dear but I'm just asking you to take an hour or two to do something with your father. Just promise me you'll try ok Amber?"

"Ok," I told her. "I'll see what Reed wants to do and then I'll let you know what I'm doing."

"Just don't forget!" My mother said before she hung up the phone.

So after I got off the phone with my mother, I wandered into the living room where Reed was on the floor reading to Alexis. I made my way over to the couch and sat there, watching them until Reed was finished the story. Once he put the book down, Alexis crawled over to her toys and pulled out her Mega Blocks. Looking over her shoulder at Reed, she picked up a block and held it out to him. When he was laying next to her, putting together the blocks she handed him, she turned to me and offered me a block too.

We played with the blocks for a good ten minutes before Reed asked me what my mother wanted. I told him that Sunday was Father's Day and that she wanted me to spend sometime with my father on that day.

"That's not a problem," Reed told me with a smile. "I'd much rather spend time with your father than mine!"

"You can't ignore him on that day, you know you'll never hear the end of it!"

"I know," he sighed. "But I don't have to spend all day dealing with him either, I mean it is my first Father's Day with this little Princess." Reed pulled Alexis into his arms and nuzzled her neck which made her laugh hysterically.

"I'm not really looking forward to spending too much time with your father either. Actually I think it would make his day if he didn't see me at all!"

Reed laughed, "Nice one, but if I have to see him, so do you! We are in this together, remember? Good with the bad?" He raised a brow and gave me a hopeful smile. "Besides, you wouldn't want to send me off to the shark without protection, would you?"

"Protection?" I laughed, "I think I'd end up being the one needing protect!"

Reed puffed out his chest, "I'll take care of your my darling!"

We laughed and talked for a while about possible things we could do on Sunday. "Hey!" I sat up quickly, I had an idea. "How about this? We could go out for breakfast with our parents, say around 9. Then after breakfast, you and your father can go to whatever and so well my father and I, we'll have a late lunch with them separately and then!" I grinned. "You can come back here, or to my place, whichever we decide on and spend the evening with your beautiful little girl and her stressed out mommy! How does that sound?"

"Hmm," he lifted his hand to his face, his finger tapping his lip. "It could work but!" He laughed as he mocked me. "I would like to request that my beautiful daughter's mommy isn't stressed out."

"Ok, I'll see what I can do about that."

"And, I'd like to request something else." I told him to continue so he did. "After Alexis is asleep," he glanced at our daughter before he leaned in to whisper in my ear. "I would love it if you were to lay naked in my arms, letting me caress your body." I started to protest when he lifted his hand to my face, his fingers brushing against my cheek. "I'm not asking to make love to you, I just want to touch you, hold you. I think it would be a wonderful way to end the day."

His hand moved down my neck, over my shoulder and down my arm until his fingers entwined themselves in mine. He gazed into my eyes, "What do you say Amber?"

After a brief silence, I smiled at him. "I won't promise anything," his shoulders slumped. "But I won't say no either."

I know there's no way I'm going to last until the 21st, I need and want to be with him so badly. I find that I'm purposely doing and saying things to tease him.

Like what I did before we went to bed last night...

Which I'd love to tell you all about but I have to get ready for work!

God, I hope Penny is over her bitchiness from last week.

People Should Be Slapped

When I woke up this morning and looked at the clock, I groaned and rolled out of bed. I was on my way to the shower, thinking about what we were doing today at work when I couldn't think of anything. It took me a few minutes to realize that I didn't have to go in because it was the weekend! I quickly turned around and ran back to my bed.

I was so ready to slap Penny yesterday before I left work, it's probably a good thing I didn't have to see her today. It seems that she is going to be a problem for me, or try to be a problem. I hate women like that, if you are unhappy with your life, don't try and ruin someone else's life.

We were getting the kids ready to go home, some parents were already there for their child. I was talking to the mother of one of Alexis' new friends. "Tami has been talking non stop about you and your little girl, I've never seen her so excited to come to day care before!"

I smiled as we watched Tami 'walk' with Alexis around one of the tables closest to us. "Tami has certainly seemed to take Alexis under her wing, they've been inseparable. I was hoping Alexis would make some friends while we were here."

We spoke for a few minutes more before she said they had to go. Once Tami was gone, Alexis crawled over to me and wanted to get up. "So how did the day go for you?" I asked her as I gave her a kiss. "Mommy loves you, do you know that?" She giggled.

"Hey Amber?" Nadine came over to me, looking a little confused. "Did any parents say that they were sending someone else to pick up their kid today?"

I shook my head, "No one told me if they couldn't make it."

"Oh," she glanced towards the door with a frown. "How many times have I told that girl not to let her 'men' come around here!" I didn't even have to look, I knew Nadine was talking about Penny. "I'll be right back, I'm going to have to tell him to leave until all the kids are gone. Although, I have to admit, this one is very handsome."

I couldn't resist taking a glance and I gasped, "That's my man!"

Nadine stopped in her tracks, "That's Reed?"

I nodded as I watched Penny giggle and stroke her fingers along his forearm. "I'm going to..." I didn't finish my sentence, I just left Nadine standing there as I made my way over to the door. I wanted to go over there and push Penny out of the way and ask Reed what the hell he was doing talking to that whore.

"Do you have a child here?" I heard Penny ask him as I walked up, I also saw the way she slide her fingers down his arm to his hand, clearly looking for a ring.

Reed chuckled nervously, "Well I-"

I shoved Alexis against his chest. "Dada!" She threw her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Hey princess!" Reed seemed happy to see her, which was good, I didn't have to kick him for that. Without delay he also reached for my hand, encircling my fingers with his as he pulled me to him. "Hello my love," he smiled down at me.

"Amber who is this?" Penny asked from behind me, as if she didn't know who he was. "I thought you were seeing Devon?"

You bitch! I could feel Reed tense as Penny told that lie. I went to tell her exactly what I thought about her when Nadine appeared.

"Penny you know as well as I do that that's not true." She turned towards Reed with a smile on her face. "You must be Reed, Amber has been," she chuckled. "Well she honestly can't stop talking about you."

I blushed as I lower my head, I knew I spoke about Reed often but I never thought I couldn't stop talking about him. I can't stop thinking about him but that's another story!

Reed's body seemed to relax again, he chuckled softly. "Nadine is it?" She must have nodded because he continued to tell her that I told him about her. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he took his arm from around me so he could shake her hand, then it was back at my waist again.

Nadine ended up telling me that I could go home, "Penny and I will finish up here. You two have a great weekend."

Reed was pretty silent on the way down to the parking lot. I tried to ask him questions to get the conversation started but he only gave enough to answer the question. It wasn't until he had Alexis strapped into her seat that he really said anything to me. He closed the back door and leaned against the Jeep, his jaw was clenched as he looked me over.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him.

He shrugged, "Nothing."

I sighed, "Don't lie to me, I know you are thinking something."

"If you know so much, why don't you tell me what I'm thinking?"

I shook my head, "Why are you acting this way? You know damn well what Penny said was a lie!"

"Do I?"

Closing my eyes, I couldn't believe we were actually having this conversation. "Reed," I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "You know I love you and only you."

"I know," he sighed. "I know." He lifted his hands to me and I slipped mine in his. "I know you have no interest in Devon but I can't help but be jealous, you see him almost every day and you tend to talk about him a lot when we are at home together."

I nodded, "I tell you about his visits because I don't want you to think I'm hiding anything from you! Plus I still can't believe how different he is around the kids."

"Just don't fall for him Amber."

I laughed, "Like that would ever happen Reed! He's nothing compared to you and I happen to love everything about you!"

Reed chuckled, "Yeah I am pretty special."

"Yes you are," I agreed and moved in to give him a kiss.

Reed followed me home yesterday, he was going to spend some time with Alexis while I showered and got ready to go see his mother.

"I really wish I was going with you," he told me as we stood in the driveway together. Although his mother asked if Reed was going to come over too, I thought it would be best if he didn't, she had a way of making him feel guilty and I didn't want that to ruin our plans for next weekend.

"I won't be long," I told him. "And I'll keep my temper in check too," I promised.

The visit to Lucinda's went better than I hoped it would. She wasn't too happy that we wanted to throw our own party for his birthday. In fact at one point she told me I didn't understand, "He's my son Amber, I'm the one who went through the pain of childbirth, I should be the one to throw him a party for his birthday."

"I know he's your son Lucinda and I know all about the pain of childbirth but at one point you have to realize that he is a grown man who has a family of his own."

"I realize that!" She snapped at me, "How would you feel if Alexis...no, her boyfriend came to you and told you that you weren't needed anymore?"

"Lucinda!" I sighed, "I never said you weren't need! Reed loves you and appreciates everything you've done for him, without you he wouldn't be where he is today.."

"Then you see why I should be the one to plan his party, here at the house."

I shook my head, "You are welcomed to help us plan his party at our place."

"You don't even live there with him!" She screamed at me, "How dare you come in here and tell me that you are planning a party for him when you can't even make a commitment to spend your life with him!"

"Just because I don't live with him at the moment, doesn't mean that I haven't make a commitment to Reed. I love him Lucinda, more and more everyday. We have a beautiful little girl together and we are happy. Why can't you be happy for us?"

"I am happy for Reed and you but I'd be a lot happier if you two were married! I don't want another grandchild to be born without my son's name!"

It took all the control I possessed to stop myself from reminding her that wasn't her tune when she found out about Alexis. "Lucinda," I said more calmly than I really felt at that moment. "We just managed to find our way back into each other's lives. Neither Reed nor I want to rush this second chance, we want to be together for the rest of our lives. I wish you could understand how we feel." I happened to glance at the time, "I have to go, it's almost time to get Alexis ready for bed."

"Reed is capable of putting Alexis to bed Amber," Lucinda said as she followed me to the door.

"I know," I gave her a smile. "I just love watching him with her, I don't want to miss it."

I was almost in my car when Lucinda came after me. "I guess it wouldn't be so bad if Reed had his birthday party at his house."

I was so excited that she finally gave in that I didn't stop to think about what I was doing, I threw my arms around her neck and kissed her on the cheek. "Oh Lucinda you have no idea how much this means to us!"

When I got home, I tried to hide my excitement but Reed say right through me. He wouldn't believe that his mother agreed until I finally told him everything we said to each other. I never seen Reed so happy before, he was almost bouncing off the walls. "You are amazing," he told me as he pulled me into his arms. "After 26 years, I get to celebrate my own way!"