Friday, June 1, 2007

Your Sentence

I've had a headache for three days now (this is the start of the third day). I don't know why all I know is that I don't feel like doing anything. Alexis wants to play, she wants me to hold her but all I want to do is sleep.

Reed is concerned about me, he tried to get me to go see a doctor but I told him I was fine. "It's probably because of all the sun I got the other day," I told him. He still told me he wanted me to see a doctor.

"What if it's something serious?" He asked, "What if there's something wrong with your head?"

"I'm not crazy!" I laughed but he didn't think it was funny. So I told him that I would go see a doctor.

But I haven't.

I don't think it's really anything to worry about, I've gotten headaches like this before. I believe it was the sun the other day, I'm not normally out in it that much without something on my head, so it has to be heatstroke, right? I'm feeling a little off too...a little nauseous. I haven't gotten sick but I feel like I could.

Hmmm, I'm sure I'll be ok.

Because I was feeling icky, Reed came over here last night. We spent the night, when he wasn't trying to get me to a doctor that is, just laying in each other's arms talking about life when he said, and I quote. "What do you think about having another baby?"

I laughed, I didn't know what else to do. But that must have been the wrong thing to do because he got upset. "Why are you laughing? I'm not trying to be funny!" He tried to get up but I wouldn't let him.

"Reed!" I sighed, "You can't seriously be thinking about having another baby right now! We are just starting over again and trying to work through some issues. Hell I'm planning on going to school in the fall!"

Reed closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes he spoke softly but through clenched teeth. "I didn't say right now. I just asked what you thought about having another one. Did you want to have more?"

I relaxed in his arms, "Yes of course I want more. I don't want Alexis to be an only child, I know I always wished I had a brother or a sister." He nodded, "But the time isn't right at this moment Reed."

Again he nodded, "So when were you hoping to have another one? Were we going to 'plan' our next one?"

"Well, I haven't really thought much about it Reed but I'd like for Alexis to be at least one before I get pregnant again." I looked up at him, "Why did you want to know? Wondering if you were ever going to get some?" I joked.

He laughed this time, "No! I just heard that one of the guys at the office is becoming a dad again and I got to thinking about all that I missed with Alexis. I don't want to miss out on anything with our next one darling."

I told him he wouldn't and then remembered the 'Alexis' box. "Stay right there," I told him as I jumped up and ran into my room to get the box.

Reed was sitting up on the couch when I returned with the box, "What's all this?" He asked as I pulled off the lid and tilted it towards him. "Oh my..." he gasped and reached inside with a shaky hand.

We sat on the couch going through the contents of the box as I told him everything I could remember about being pregnant and Alexis' life so far. The first thing Reed pulled out of the box was the blanket that was wrapped around Alexis the day I brought her home, he held that blanket against his chest the entire time we were looking through the box.

"Well that's it," I told him as I started to put things back in the box.

"Wait! What was that book?" He went to stick his hand in the box but I snapped the lid closed on his fingers. "Ow!" He pulled back and stared at his fingers. "What did you do that for? What is that book?"

"It's nothing," I told him.

"I don't believe you Amber."

I wouldn't blame him, I didn't believe it either. "The book was the journal I kept while I was pregnant," I know him. "I don't want you to see it because there are some really mean things in there about you." He looked so hurt and I felt bad. "I was so mad at you Reed, I thought you abandoned us. I wrote down my feelings about you, along with all my feelings about being pregnant."

"I want to read it," he told me.

I shook my head, "No you don't."

"Amber," he placed the blanket on his lap and reached for me. "I know that you didn't like me much when you were pregnant and maybe you feel terrible about some of the things you wrote," I nodded. I felt horrible about some of the things I wrote. I said I hated him, that if I ever ran into him again, I'd probably strangle him. I wished that he wasn't Alexis' father, although I never once wished that she wasn't there. I spoke of regrets I had about getting involved with him and all the things that ticked me off about him. I slammed him hard in that book, I didn't want him to see it and think I still felt that way about him.

I tried to explain this to him but he told me that he wouldn't take anything to heart, "Maybe there are some things in there that we should talk about Amber."

In the end I let him read it. We were laying on the couch again, he was on his side and I was on my back in front of him. I was watching his face as he read.

After the first couple entries he turned to me, his face whiter than I've ever seen it before. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," his voice broke.

I told him that it wasn't all that bad. "It gets better," I told him. And it did, by the end of the journal, I was writing very nice and sometimes very hot things about him. Near the end of my pregnancy, I was always horny, I know that some women don't feel attractive at all but I did. I was proud of my body and I wished that he was there to see it. I had very naughty dreams and fantasies about him, I wrote them all down because I didn't want to forget what it was like with him. Reading those words on paper, letting my feelings for him out like that helped me when I missed him the most.

I could tell when he got to those entries, his eye brow raised and he couldn't tear his eyes away from the words I wrote. I could also tell because he was poking me in the side.

When he was done, he put the book down and gave me the hottest look ever. "Now that..." he shook his head but couldn't think of the words to express his thoughts. He leaned over and pressed his lips against mine, "Do you think we could...?"

I knew what he wanted, and honestly I wanted it too but I had made this deal with myself. I had promised I would wait at least a month before I slept with him.

I was kicking myself in the ass for it now though.

When I told him about my promise to myself, he made this deep growling noise that kind of scared me. "Why?" he cried, and I think he really felt like crying.

I couldn't really explain it to him, I wanted to be sure that things would work between us out of bed first.

He ended up going and taking a nice long cold shower.

When he came out of the bathroom he joined me on the couch again, "So when is that month up?"

I bit my lip, "June 21," I told him softly.

"Only 21 more days to go," he said in a fake cheerful tone before he looked down at me. "Can I plan something special for that night?"

I told him yes...

18 comments:

PCS said...

I do I get the idea that she 's already preg again??? all the headache and stuff...
and then reed asking about another baby...

see trouble in paradise soon...

Anonymous said...

I actually wondered if she was pregnant too. But, have they slept together recently? I don't remember....We'll see I guess! Great entry!

Anonymous said...

I think she's pregnant again too......with Chris's baby! Yes! There's absolutely trouble in paradise!! I can't wait for the next post.

Mallory said...

I think she is prego also but it can't be with Chris's baby, can it? They never had sex! But anyways we will just have to wait and see! I can't wait till the next post. I love both your blogs.

Anonymous said...

I don't think she has slept with either of them, she fooled around with both of them but never went that far that I can remember, see this just me an excuse to go back and read it all from the beginning
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

PCS said...

I dont remember she and crhis but I do remember it happening with reed at her parent anniversary party...

Anonymous said...

I didn't think she and Chris had had sex either. Maybe I'm mis-remembering?

Anonymous said...

I was wondering about the pregnancy thing too. If we go by the timeline of her and Reed, knowing she DID NOT sleep with Chris, it would be about right. No, she never did sleep with Chris, just a lot of making out. She slept with Reed at her 'Rent's Anny Party that time he left her in the hotel room.

I'm with her on the "not right now" conclusion. I couldn't handle more than 1 child in diapers. She's smart about waiting a while. Maybe when Alexis is 2, or at least potty-trained.

Great entry! Very intriguing!

Anonymous said...

we have to wait until June 21st to hear about it !?!?! grr thats going to be agonizing ....lol ...but probably more for reed! haha....i dont thinkk that she is pregnant ..or i least i hope shes not..she just started to pick up HER life again..getting a job and going to school soon...i love Alexis dont get me wrong i just feel that amber needs to live her life for a while and "find herself" before she gets pregnant and has another baby!

Anonymous said...

Well, maybe if she's pg she will move into Reed's house. I love them together.

Anonymous said...

Glad you're back!

Good entry, but I think she needs to see a doctor. I get headaches during my cycle but the worst they lasted was 2 days. I'm guessing the nausea is the headache, migraine is a big possibility.

THanks!

Anonymous said...

I agree I think she is preggers I know she never had sex with chris but she did with reed it will make things interesting to say the least if she is though timing's not good but babies come whenever timings may never be good

keisha

Beth said...

I for one don't want Amber to be pregnant. I want her to be able to get out and "find herself" a little more before she has another baby. If she's had a headache for three days straight though she should go see a doctor.
Wonder if she and Reed will work through some of the issues she raised in her journal.

Anonymous said...

I checked back and they had sex in March so it is possible but hey maybe not

keisha

Anonymous said...

I think the "trickster" is making us all guess that she is prego & she's really not. You know she likes to keep us all on our toes. That's why we keeping coming back! :)

Stacey

Anonymous said...

She's not pregnant!!! She hasn't slept with anyone since this blog began (ahem, I mean she hasn't had "relations") which leads me to the next peeve, will she just go on and give poor Reed some already?? Poor guy's been waiting forEVER and so have we!!!

Mehreen said...

Haha, she sure sounds pregnant...and she never slept with Chris, but she slept with Reed twice, once at the party and once when he came to visit her. If she gets pregnant now, Alexis will be 16 months by the time the baby is born so it's not like she'll be an infant, and I think it's better to have children close in age.

Anonymous said...

It'll be too predictable if she is pregnant. Then she'll move in with Reed at the house and live the high life of a rich man's wife.........whooopee ding